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Considering abortion after losing a child

woman crying

I’m not sure what to do, my friend had a 4 month old and the other week he passed in his sleep, well today she rang me crying because she just found out she is pregnant and feels she cannot cope. she does not want to keep the baby and no matter what I said to her she is still firm with the idea of abortion, she feels like she is “replacing” her little boy.

Please add your answers in the comments below. Remember to remain respectful and non-judgemental.

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  1. Cristy says:

    How devastating for her to lose her little baby. The only thing you can do is to support her. If she feels she cannot cope with another baby and she wants to abort then let that be her guilt-free decision and one that you don’t show judgement on. Ask her to take some more time before making her decision (if she has time) and just hold her hand through it. Listen to her and just let her process it herself. Sometimes in grieving other people’s advice can just cement the opposite response. Validate all her feelings and concerns. Once she feels validated she may see things differently. You are a beautiful friend for caring – just stick with her xxx

  2. Annie says:

    I would see if your friend is willing to see a qualified counsellor / pyschologist. Does your friend have a partner? I think they need to talk to a professional about the loss of their baby and the new pregnancy. Definitely be there to support her but I think a professional may be required to talk things through.

  3. Natalie says:

    I’m not sure if they do counselling pre abortion or not but I think it would be really good for her. While I understand how she feels and why, I would be concerned that she’s making a decision that she will hugely regret in her grief. Every baby is different and while no one can ever replace a lost child maybe this is a gift for her. I think you are an amazing friend and at the end of the day it is her decision and you can only support her.

  4. Name (required) says:

    Oh your poor friend too loose her baby must be so hard and then to find out pregnant so soon after when she’s grieving for her first born. I would really suggest counselling of some sort. She needs to do whats best for her but would hate her to regret her decision down the track. Good luck in the meantime support as much as you can or as much as she will allow. All children are different in my opinion there is no replacing and everything happens for a reason.

  5. Sarah says:

    Given how raw her loss is I can understand her anguish. When I heard the story my immediate thought was “maybe her son sent his sister a little earlier than planned to help Mum get through this”.
    As other comments have said, it is her (& her partner’s) to make. But if at all possible she should try to give it time to sink in, both that she has suffered a great loss but also that she has received a huge surprise (I presume she had not expected to fall pregnant). I have previously heard the advice from counsellors that it can be recommended to have another baby after a cot death to allow the family to move forward and to have a new life to experience.

    Just before we found out we were pregnant we learnt that my brother-in-law was terminally ill. After my DDs birth (5 months after he had passed away) my sister found comfort and solace in ‘special cuddles’ from her niece. She felt there was a connection between her late husband and her new niece.

    If you or your friend are people of faith then I would say this is as it is meant to be. If that is not the way your friend sees it then all you can do is hold her hand, catch her tears & support her in the choices she makes.

  6. Tess says:

    Gosh what a lot to deal with. All you can do is support her and her decision. She may still change her mind. I cannot imagine what she is going through. Counsellor sounds like a good idea to me. My thoughts are with you both.

  7. Michelle says:

    Hi, to start good on you for being such a great friend. I was 5 and a 1/2 months pregnant when I was told that I was gonna loose my son as he was seriously sick I had to go through the birth and everything it’s not the same but just similar I do understand what she is going through I was only 23 at the time i couldn’t look at a pregnant person or a bay for quite a while with out crying I did fall pregnant after the lost of my son but I miscarried this happened 3 times to me until I was blessed with my son now I’m now 32 it took good friends like you my partner and family to get me though just support her show how much she is loved get help I did and it was the best thing for me godbless you and your friend are in my preyers good luck

  8. Cynthia says:

    Lots of hugs and continue being a good listening friend. Let her sort her thoughts out, as you listen. 🙂

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