Caesarean Section: Dealing with the disappointment

I just had my third baby 4 days ago via emergency c section. My greatest fear was to have a section. I delivered first 2 naturally with complications but nothing too extreme. I feel so down about having a section and can’t seem to stop thinking about it. I cry at the mention of it.  The lead up to it wasn’t a massive rush so i know it’s not that. It’s that I had a section all together. This time all I wanted was a calm birth and to be handed my baby straight away as this will be my last but i still didn’t get it. I feel cheated and I don’t know how to move past it. The pain doesn’t help either because that was one huge shock too. I’m bonding with bub fine too. How do Move past it and accept?

• I can’t offer any advice but I can say I know exactly what you’re going through after having two emergency c-sections myself. Your feelings are valid, your emotions are valid. I hope it gets easier for you and the pain fades. – Eris

• every woman has expectations of how there births will go. It is completely natural to be disappointed and ‘stuck’ on this. Birth and pregnancy are very emotional and spiritual experiences for woman. People say just be thankful bubs an u are healthy but that gives little validation to the rest of ur feelings. Don’t have any negative feelings towards yourself for feeling that way. It can be very traumatising for a woman to have to get a c section. The best thing you can do is speak to a counsellor or someone you trust. I found heaps a great websites on google that explained exactly the way your feeling. I’m so sorry you are going through this – Terri

• After 2 failed inductions for my first resulting in a c section I didn’t want – i too feel cheated out of an experience most mumma’s get. I don’t even know what a contraction feels like. I’m now about to go thru c section number 4. She is dealing with a type of grief and that is totally valid. I cried for 3 months at just the thought of the c section. I also felt like i couldn’t talk to anyone as the comments were the same – you have a healthy bubba, think of the women on 3rd world countries etc. These are not helpful in the initial stages. But yes later on helped to put it in perspective that yes due to medical advancements I didn’t die during childbirth and I have healthy children. Number 1 – find someone who will listen and not judge you for your tears. In time the disappointment will fade as will the pain and it won’t be such a big deal but there will stay with you a sense of that disappointment (I know every time I look at my children I think about their birth) but the positives will drown it out. Hugs for you and try to focus on your bubba and recovery. – Heidi

• C Sections are very traumatic and nobody realises how hard the recovery is and everyone is different on how they feel afterwards and there is no right or wrong way to feel. Women go through so much and sacrifice so much for that gorgeous baby. I was shattered that I couldn’t have a natural birth as I was all prepared and then my 1st was breach and the 2nd couldn’t get down the birth canal and 16 months on it is still hard at times but I am getting there, I just try not to think about it and remain positive. – Carina

• I had the same thing happen to me. It took me years to move past it I believe it is easier to talk through your feelings in case it leads to depression. Which is a real possibility with the feeling u are experiencing. To the people that are saying ‘get over it’ i think you need to back off and mind your own business. You clearly have not been in that situation. What u said was not supportive in anyway. She was reaching out for advise not to be made to feel worse. Women don’t always have the same outcome. I’m sorry you are going through this. But ur feelings are real and should not be dismissed. – Kaylee

• I think it’s unfair of others to say ‘just be happy you’ve got a healthy bub’ well of course you are thankful for that, but sometimes people’s mindset and expectations or the personal birthing experience they’ve been through causes them grief or pain….like you are feeling and it’s totally normal! Just like people with depression can’t help having depression….you couldn’t help the experience you unfortunately had to go through! I’m sorry for your grief and all I can say is the pain does ease with time… (I’ve had 2 c secs now, both emergency) and there’s also a great Facebook page ‘traumatic birth experiences’ you’ll find very similar stories to yours…. And keep talking about it, it helps!! – Trudi

• You’ll get a lot of people (who have no idea what it’s like) telling you “be happy ur baby is healthy”… They just don’t get it. Of course every mum is happy when bub is healthy but there is also a mother involved in birth who is just as important. This comment is ignorant so try to ignore it. To dismiss the mothers feelings like this does not help one bit. – Briony

• I completely understand your feelings. My 3rd was planned as a VBAC. Then things went wrong and became an “elective” c/section.
  The epidural failed, I felt the first cut. It was then an emergency, as my heart rate went up, and I was going into shock. The next thing I know is I was awake, in the recovery room. I felt so much pain, and I had no idea where my baby was.  Once I was awake properly they brought him over to me. We were both healthy and, although sore, I was fine.   Does that mean I don’t feel traumatised? I felt so lost. I cried a lot of his first day. I still have night mares.  Birth trauma is not defined by whether or not you get a healthy baby.  Birth trauma can happen to any woman. It does not only affect those in “danger” it can affect those who at anytime FELT she was in danger. It doesn’t matter if it’s “real” or not. All that matters is it FELT real. A healthy baby is important. I definitely don’t argue that. But a healthy mum is just as important. And to be healthy she needs to not only be physically fine, but mentally and emotionally as well.   Your feelings are valid. And you will need time to heal, not just physically but emotionally. If you need help dealing with these emotions please talk to your doctor.  Big hugs – Kj

• Have you considered having some counselling? It’s quite common to feel down when your birthing experience is different to your expectations and very normal to feel ‘ripped off’. No amount of ‘just get over it’ comments will help or change anything for you. Counselling will help you get past the feelings and accept things. Also remember you have some pretty major hormones happening right now that will be making it all seem worse. Good luck. – Claire

• Even though you have a lot to be happy about its important to acknowledge your feelings of loss. It can take a while to process your feelings, particularly when you are also feeling grateful for having a healthy baby. I would suggest calling PANDA or asking your GP for a referral to a counsellor so you can get some help to work through this. Remember your feelings and emotions are yours, and you’re perfectly entitled to mourn what you missed as well as celebrate what you have. Take care – Kat

• Aww big hugs. That was my biggest fear too and im lucky I had 3 un complicated natural births. I think I would feel the same as you. I think what you need to remember is that bubby is here safely and that you are both alive and well. It will probably take time. – Amie

• It’s called birth trauma and it is completely natural when things go down a path you didn’t want. It took me a year to come to terms with my sons birth. I found the birth without fear page to be very helpful and supportive. Good luck x – Tiggi

• People put too much pressure on themselves to have a ‘set’ birth plan. My tip to anyone having a baby is to go with the flow. It is what it will be and no-one can change that – at the end of the day, regardless of how your baby enters the world, be so so grateful they have arrived safely. No one should feel less of a mother for having a c sect over a vag birth. You carried your child for 9 months and got them here safely – job done! Seek help as you may be suffering from PND if you still feeling like this after your hormones have settled. – Sandra

• I had an emergency c with my first, and I am booked in for a second in a few weeks as I won’t be able to birth naturally. I did calm birth classes and planned on a water birth with my son and I still feel emotional at times when I think about how I didn’t get to meet him until he was 5 hours old, as well as not having things go to plan (although getting to the stage in labour that I did get to, I was glad to not have to push hahaha). One thing that really helped me was knowing that although I couldn’t change the past, I could still build a beautiful bond with my baby – I had so much skin to skin contact with him, and he is almost 2 now and we still have cuddle time every day. Your feelings are valid, and I think we all know that you already know that you are lucky to have a healthy baby – please don’t feel bad or guilty about the comments to be grateful that you have a healthy baby. Enjoy the beautiful addition to your family. Hope this helps x – Jennifer

• I always laugh when I hear the phrase ‘birthing plan’, how do you expect to plan something that you have no control over? I had similar feelings when I had my first emergency section but I got over it pretty quickly. I’ve never been able to birth naturally and sure I feel a little cheated but I am glad that I live in a country where there is that privilege otherwise birthing could very easily have been a death sentence for both me and my babies. It sounds like you are struggling more than most though maybe a little time and perspective is needed. – Amy

• Sounds like ur on the right track, bonding with bub, understanding the medical reasons why and the rest might just be u need time? Sometimes we can’t explain away why we feel the way we do. We just do. We’re a complicated lot. Lol   Speaking from experience with my 3rd (2 natural both breastfed – last csect not breastfed due to complications from the csect) no one ever said the right things to put me at ease or make me feel better. In the end it was just time for me. The more bub grew the less it seems to matter. Now I just get angry at the doc for screwing up the csect!! Stoopid intern! Lol  – Lanie

• I had a traumatic c-section. It was horrible. Sending you big hugs- a healthy baby is most definitely not all that matters. Understand that your feelings are completely valid- don’t let ANYONE tell you that they are not! I still get so sad about it nearly 11 months on. Talk about it, discuss and vent all you need!! There are some wonderful support groups on Facebook that you can join also with wonderful women who have had similar experiences- they are always on hand to vent to and they listen and acknowledge your feelings as they have all been there. Xx – Ellie

• I didn’t have a c section but I had to be induced at 34 weeks due to complications and bubs in hospital for 18 days, and I know exactly how your feeling when you say you feel cheated and can’t move on. I felt very cheated that I didn’t have the birth I planned and didn’t get to hold bubs for 2 days. Bub is 8 weeks old now and I still cry about it if i think back. Don’t ever feel ashamed that you need to ask for help and advice to move on. It will take some time but I’m sure things will look up for you soon enough. My way of getting past it is that I now have a happy and healthy bub that makes life so enjoyable! If you focus on the positives things will get better. Stay strong hun. X – Emma

• Everything you feel DOES matter!! It’s really hard to get past something that you so desperately wanted.  Please talk to your doctor about it, some counselling may help you get through it.  Please don’t feel bad because people think you should feel grateful for a healthy baby and safe birth.  Your journey is your own and it’s clearly affecting you. I hope that down the track you can find peace with your bub’s birth xx – Michelle

• It’s easy enough to have people say ‘just be happy you’re both safe and well’ but it can be so hard to get over the fact that you didn’t get the birth you wanted. My daughter was born suddenly and premature at 34 weeks via emergency csec and I’m still not ‘over it.’ Yes I am so very grateful that we are both okay but I am still mourning the fact that my natural birthing experience was stolen from me. I hate watching shows with a normal and natural birth and it just takes me back to that night. I was completed knocked out and didn’t get to see her for over 48 hours. I didn’t get to hold her for a week. Some days I don’t care and I’m just glad she’s okay but others are really really hard. Talking about it to others definitely helps and I’m sure you and I will get there one day and find closure. Congratulationsby the way!!! – Casey

• I was the exact same!  I only have one daughter & she is near 5 months old I had her via C-Section due to her being breach.  Being so young it’s traumatic & scary, especially when you never pictured/expected yourself having one.  EVERYONE is different, everyone handles C-Sections differently.  I feel ripped off & upset, you accept it in your own time & pace slowly, surround yourself with positivity & ignore the negative comments.  Take it easy – Tallara

• Grieve sweetheart for the experience that you missed out on. Cry when you need to, it’s cathartic! The most important thing is happening, regardless of the way in which your baby arrived in this world and that is you are bonding. Congratulationson the birth of your baby…..you did great! X – Fran

• http://improvingbirth.org/2013/02/a-healthy-baby-isnt-enough/google birth trauma it’s VERY real and there is becoming more and more support for it as open minded, loving, empathetic and compassionate people learn and understand that it is very real and begin validating these women’s feelings instead of tearing them down like cave women! We should be empowering each other not bullying, none of you with negative things to say know anything about this woman or her current state of mind. She could have severe post partum depression for all ANY of you know and the last straw could be getting shut down and abused when she reaches out for help! How would you live with knowing you contributed to that? You ought to be ashamed of yourselves!   To the original poster please please PM me hun, I am still very upset and angry at my birth experience 18 months on and it’s so good to get it off your chest and talk about it with someone who knows exactly where you are coming from and how you are feeling. Hugs beautiful! – Kirsty

• I had to have an emerg c with my first and had to be put to sleep during it because the drugs didn’t work and could feel everything so I didn’t get to even experience bub coming into the world or to hold bub till I woke and even then I was so drowsy I didn’t hold him for long! But I just think at least bub and I are both healthy and here today it doesn’t matter how they arrived or that I couldn’t hold him right away I have him to hold for the rest of our lives! You will get over it, it might just take some time – Amy

• I’m sorry that you’re feeling so upset and things didn’t turn out how you wanted. I think sometimes the idea of having a birth plan and being told that giving birth is natural and that women are designed to do it sets us up to feel like failures if it doesn’t happen naturally.
  We only have to look at the death rates in mothers and newborns in 3rd world countries where there only option is a natural delivery to remember that giving birth is a dangerous thing to do for both mum and bub. – Melissa

• It took time and talking about it. In the end I realized I was one of the lucky ones who had a healthy baby…that is a miracle in itself these days – Jenna

• I’ve only got one daughter, and my greatest fear was also of my labour resulting in a Caesarian section – however that’s exactly what happened. It was all very rushed and panicky, it was so rushed that they had to give me gas ASAP so I missed the entire thing. I didn’t get skin to skin, I didn’t hear that first cry. I was asleep for the first hour of her life, and both my partner and his mother got to hold her before me – she was even dressed when I first met her. I struggled to come to terms with the moments I missed out on, and often got upset when I thought about. However after 6 months I came to accept it, and I’m just happy that my little girl arrived safely. You could try counselling, it may help you get past it. Best of luck, you did great! – Dannielle

• I believe it’s a natural emotion / hormone our body throws to us after the lead up to birth and preparing and then our body just doesn’t get to go through the natural progress , I also was suggested to seek help regarding my constant uneasy feeling I had I wasn’t shore what it was or from but after talking to a medical professional it change my life ! Twice ! Good luck and I send you all love and strength as what you are feeling is a horrid unexpected hormone our body throws at us  I do think going to your local community health or doctor to get a referral to talk to a physiologist it will help x – April

• Please know that your feelings are valid and valued by a lot of people here. I’ve posted the Power of Empathy short video to hopefully highlight to those that left negative, judgmental comments that by trying to understand and honour your feelings, does not take away from their own experiences. I hope you find a way to work through the feelings about your caesarean. Xxx – Michelle

• It must be hard and I have never had a c section so I don’t no about the pain but I think the best thing is to focus on ur last bub time goes by way too quick n I always say as hard as it is just enjoy every second. They’re never going to be that young ever again. Try to focus on things to do with bub and kids like a scrapbook or hand and footprints with all the kids and or writing down every detail of ur bub growing, take lots of funny creative photos with bub and kids? Might not help but just a suggestion. I only have my kids 50/50 and they are 5, 3, and 9 months! And every second I’m with them I take photos and listen to everything they have to say and just love love love enjoy ur brand new miracle! – Tori

• I feel for you, I went through the same thing jst yesterday and it’s like you’ve written exactly how I feel. Mine is also baby no.3 and my last xx – Eleanor

• I strongly recommend counselling. I had a very traumatic birth with my first baby and found counselling to be the best thing to help. You are allowed to feel the way you do. Talk about it, it will help you. – Jessica

• I had the same thing happen to me. Two natural births and the 3rd bub was emergency c section. I felt like I had failed and thought about it all the time. I struggled for a while with the reality of n it all. But I just kept reminding myself that both bub and myself are ok and the rest will come with time. As each day passes it gets that little bit easier. – Lisa

• I think you have to be with what you feel right now, it’s early days and your hormones are all about. I never had a labour and had 2 babies by csection and totally understand as I sometimes feel less because I didn’t birth naturally and with my youngest nearly 2 it’s taken a long time to come to terms with , don’t think I ever will but I look at my healthy boys and can’t help but just be grateful. Don’t discount how you feel, talk to someone you trust and enjoy your bundle of joy. Blessings – Chaali

• I felt the same after having my daughter. She was an emergency c-section after being induced two days after my waters broke because nothing happened naturally. The worst part was I had to be put under a general (asleep) as my epidural wasn’t working properly. I still struggle with it when I watch birthing shows or hear about other people’s experiences with hearing the first cry and holding the baby straight away or very soon after birth. I woke up and my daughter was nowhere in sight and neither me or my partner got to experience her first cry etc. Dad met her when she was 1 hr old and then I met her a half hour after that… I was extremely groggy and barely remember it. I am due with #2 in November who will be c-section and I am terrified! It does get easier as time goes on but for me, after 3 years the feelings still have not gone away. I suggest seeing a counselor though as that has helped me a lot! – Brittney

• No one has the right to say how you are feeling is right or wrong. They are YOUR feelings and yours alone. And yes .. it DOES MATTER. You need a debrief session with your Doctor and/or midwife and this should have been offered to you in hospital or at your 6 week check (or sooner if you feel the need). You need to write a journal of the days events and write down ALL of your questions. ie: ALL the WHYS? You need these answered to so you can feel comfortable and move on from what has happened.

• You are probably feeling it worse at the moment due to baby blues- keep that in mind. Try to think of the birthing as part of the process rather then a life experience. That way it will matter far less how you gave birth.  Try not to read online articles about people who have had these transcendent zen natural births and are oh so proud of their strength and perseverance- even though it is not their intent and they have done an amazing thing that they should be proud of, so have you! Reading these articles as a Ceasar Mum can make you feel cheated and like you’ve somehow failed. In no way is that true!! You’ve had to have a major surgery from which you are recovering, whilst caring for a gorgeous newborn and raising two other incredible kids- that’s an amazing accomplishment too and you should be proud!  Lastly- get help! A friend of mine started with these feelings and it turned into debilitating post natal depression- don’t let it get to that!!  You are a wonderful mother. You have done what is best for you and your children. Well done!! Be kind to yourself and take care. – Ally

• I had an emergency c sec for my first and the one thing I wanted – the sole thing I had wanted natural or not – was not able to happen. I still feel (7 years later) a little upset by it. All you can do, other than talking to a councillor which may help, is to focus on the fact that you have a healthy child and how it came out really doesn’t matter. This is a reminder for everyone that a C Sec can have just as much pain as a natural it just comes more afterwards. It is not necessarily an easier option in the end! Best wishes, it will dull over time. – Rosalie

• i had 2 c’s and didn’t want either – I don’t heal well as have sensitive skin and lets face it, it is major abdominal surgery with really long healing times. Great that you are bonding well with your child. Personally i would journal your experience and write down all your pain, what you wished for and what you actually got and then shut the book for a few days or a week. If you start to get angry or upset add to the writing but once you’ve written it down, don’t dwell on it. Then after a week go back to the book and read it with a fresh set of eyes. Is there a reason for what you wrote, what you disliked and what are you holding on to. Remember that the health of your bub is the most important thing. It took me ages to get over the ‘c’ btw, and it stressed me out during my pregnancy with #2, but I can’t dwell on what happened. if you feel unhappy in say 2 months’ time discuss it with your dr and then perhaps discuss it with the hospital but do so with a bit of time and perspective. Good luck as it’s hard to let go of it not being what you want. – Nene

• I understand how you feel – I have felt it myself and sometimes it’s not about hormones or ‘getting over it’. Please pm me, I found talking to ladies who have had similar experiences has helped and I might be able to help you with a solution. – Mel

• You are grieving your lost birth, you are allowed to do this and sometimes people’s helpful comment of “at least your baby is healthy” is the last thing you want to hear. Maybe see if you can see a grief counsellor. – Erin

• I went through the exact same thing as you. First two natural births and was looking forward to being all calm and experienced with the third. But we nearly lost him and had to have a c and was very scary. I too would cry when talking about it so it is normal to feel like it to a certain level. I would also have mixed feelings because I was so so so grateful at the same time. Just try and relish the new bub time. – Karen

• I was a bit upset after my first was born by emergency C-section, but like a midwife friend of mine reminded me, any type of birth is a beautiful birth. You have a beautiful baby out of it. Remember it could just be hormones too. Just enjoy your bub. – Amanda

• A c can take a while to get over, your feelings are valid. Not everyone is so blazè about having major abdominal surgery. The extra days in hospital away from other kids, that bloody awful thing they hang out of your guts. I was resentful of my scar, which took the longest to get over. 4 days after is very early, you will need time and in time you will feel better – Myra

• Everyone always says the most important thing is a healthy baby & this is true (but my friend tells me that this doesn’t make you feel any better). All I can say is that I was going to have to have a c section with my first & I really did not want to. I ended up going into spontaneous labour before the EDD and had a natural birth. There is always the chance of complications with any type of birth. As a result of 2 natural births I have had to have a full reconstruction & I sometimes think that I should have opted for the c-section. Like others say- I just think of my 2 beautiful babies that I am blessed to have in my life everyday. – Kristy

• I’ve had 2 c-section & each was as special as the next. Maybe try & see the beauty in every form of birth because they are all equally as important. Just because you had a c-section doesn’t make you any less of a mother than the next person. If anything you’ve sacrificed more & will endure more pain all for the sake of that beautiful baby. As mothers we would do anything for our children this is just another one of those things you’ve done for your baby. Try to see the positives & the pain will go away – i healed so quick from both of my c-section don’t stress it won’t last long xx – Karley

• Things don’t always go according to plan with births which is why I’ve never had a birth plan so I don’t set myself up for disappointment in the event that it doesn’t go the way I want. I just put my total trust in my obstetrician and know that bubs needs to be born and whatever way is going to be the safest way then that is what it is because at the end of the day bubs and your health is the most important thing.  So whether you deliver naturally or by cesarean it doesn’t make you less of a person you are still amazing and have delivered in the safest way possible and have a beautiful baby. – Julietta

• C-sections are really hard as you do feel like a failure, i mean the woman’s body was designed to give birth and when you cant do it you feel like a letdown, but at the end of the day its all about what gets bubs here safely and mum being safe to, my first was emergency c-section and i felt cheated at first but looking into my little guys eyes even to this day im just so thankful that he was born healthy and happy and really at the end of the day its all that matters. – Megan

• It might help to talk to a professional about how you’re feeling. I didn’t have a c section but came close. It scares me to even think about it, I can only imagine how you are feeling. You’re not a failure though. You’re a brilliant mother did what was needed to make sure her child was safe. Can you find any positives from the birth? I know it’s hard, but the birth is only part of it. You succeeded in falling pregnant, you were able to look after yourself and your baby (and 2 kids!!!) through the pregnancy, and now you have a beautiful baby in your arms. The birth is only part of the journey. You’ve succeeded in everything that was in your control!! Big hugs, I hope you can work through it! – Jessica

• You are a very strong and amazing person to come out and ask for help and advice. I admire you for what you have gone through. You will learn to cope better every day and be able to push those negative thoughts aside and focus on what makes you happy, those beautiful children that YOU created. Your pain is real and it is yours and you have every right to feel everything that you feel. I honestly believe that you are stronger than many other woman you have not had to experience what you’ve just gone through. I don’t know if I could. Natural childbirth is wonderful as I’m sure you know but to go through what you have just done takes so much more. Cry as much you want to, do not feel wrong for the way you are feeling. I will not tell you I know how you feel because no one does, every person’s experience is different and important no matter what happens. I suggest speaking to a professional because it helps so much to talk to someone and they may be able to give you some tips on how to cope while you move forward, and talking to your loved ones can help a lot too, they should be aware of how you’re feeling. Just be aware that they may not understand and may not respond the way you hope. Congratulations on a beautiful, healthy baby. You are a strong and incredible woman, thank you for showing me there are people I can look up to – Alexia

• Time & remembering that you and your baby are still here & healthy. It helped me I felt ripped off too. My first & I was put to sleep missed her first cry skin to skin etc and she was a surprise baby they told me while waking me up. & tore my uterus so no natural labour. But I remind myself if it wasn’t for c section science/technology myself & my baby wouldn’t be here today. It was slow but she’s almost 5 months now and I don’t tear up at the thought of what I missed out on or didn’t achieve but what I wake up to each morning – Keira

• I never got to have a natural delivery which I so desperately wanted. I had both babies via c-section, I never got to experience labour or natural child birth. You do get passed it. I told myself it really doesn’t matter how I delivered them and nothing I can do to change it. I do think about it occasionally when I see shows with people giving birth but you do move on. – Michelle

• You will be able to move past it eventually. Those feelings are normal, and whilst everybody’s tricks or tips might help, you have to find your own way of dealing with this. I don’t want to ever have a c section, if I can help it, but if my baby’s safety is at risk, then I will have one for sure. I will prob feel the way u do. Please don’t see it as a failure. Focus on small things, getting through the day etc. I would find someone who is willing to listen and give you a hug and let you know that it will work out in the end and talk to them. If it helps, my daughter’s birth didn’t go at all according to plan and I did get to hold her for 1 minute before being whisked off to the operation room. I was afraid to hold her after that because my arms felt weak. I felt horrible about this for days, until I finally told my husband. He said to me, “honey, you had a long labour, bub had to be helped out, you had a tear and you were less than a second away from having a c section. Don’t you think it would be weird if you weren’t feeling that way? You were scared, it’s ok. We still love you. You did not fail.” Well my words to you 1, please feel free to talk about it, your birth didn’t go as you wanted it and that is devastating. Cry all you need, you did not fail, and you are not failing by feeling this way. Don’t forget that you are human and emotions are part of that. Please, seek counselling or other moms or people who are willing to listen. You just need to take your time and work through your emotions. Good luck, chin up beautiful warrior – Regine

• oh hun! I feel for you I really do. My third bub was delivered via c section too. I gave birth naturally to his brother one hour earlier but it was not to be. It’s ok to feel cheated or however you want to feel about it, allow your self some time to feel that. However tomorrow when you wake up you need to remind yourself that your bubby is here, you are ok and that in time it will be nothing more than your “birth” story. If you continue to dwell on it, it will become a problem and the fact is life doesn’t always go the way we want but as long as we come out of it in one piece we should be thankful. It’s as easy as saying “let it go”, make that decision in your head and really mean it and you will be fine. Xoxo – Natalie

• I didn’t have a section but I had a very traumatic birth. I bonded with bub fine but was having nightmares, and any time someone asked about the labour I would break down into tears.  I went in for a check-up and my doctor apologised about having to do the things he had to and he said he could understand how distraught I was. I don’t know why but somehow this helped me to move past it. It still took time but it did help a lot.  – Jana

• I had two c Sections and was shattered and even when I think back today I get a bit teary. What keeps me on a happy note is that I have two healthy boys and I am ok. It will take you a while to recover but I promise that you will get there, it may take a bit longer but you will. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get back to pre baby weight. Also I suffered baby blues the next day and I think you are suffering this, the nurses told me when you have C Section you suffer baby blues as your body is in shock as you didn’t have it naturally. I remember sitting crying the 2nd day and not knowing why. Whenever someone came into my room I would start crying. Second time around I knew what I would be up for. It helped me to speak with a Psychologist as I was still suffering Post Natal Depression which is very normal, especially mothers who have had careers and then suddenly have a baby it affects them more. If you can even talk to a close family member or friend to help you through it would help but just try and think of all the positive things in your life and over time you will get there. Sending you lots of love and strength as I know exactly what you are going through. – Carina

• Emergency c-section also. Try and focus on the positive. You have a healthy baby. Give it time and focus on your new family member. – Fiona

• I’m so sorry you’re feeling down and hurt about your c-section. I hope you can scroll past all the negativity in these comments and seek the help and support you need right now my heart goes out to you, mama xx – Cassandra

• I had my little girl 3 weeks ago via emergency c section. I was fully dilated before they realised she was breech. Of course it is a strange feeling to walk in to hospital thinking you will have a natural birth and walk out with a c section. But you also walk out with a happy & healthy bundle of joy- it shouldn’t matter how it happened. No one thinks any less of a mother who delivered their baby via c section. Everyone deals with these situations differently so make sure you talk to someone about how you feel. Also remember you can’t change what happened but you can make the best of your situation. I can’t drive for 6 weeks so I take by bubba for a walk every day so we both have a chance to get out of the house! Good luck – Chrissy

• I had both my boys via c sections. My first ended up being an emergency c section. I had to be completely knocked out after a 40 hour and felt “robbed” of my birth for months. It wasn’t until I was pregnant with #2 that my midwife told me how touch and go things really were with #1 and how lucky I am that he is here. It really put it into perspective for me… my baby boy is alive.. without intervention he wouldn’t have been. – Sam

• It’s something you need to come to terms with and accept in your own time. No one can tell you ‘how to move past it’ or ‘get over it’.  Each of us have our own experiences and heal emotionally on different levels.  I had an ’emergency’ section with no.1, vbac with no.2 and due to complications with baby via vbac, I had an elective section with 3. On some level, I understand how you feel.  Your feelings will never go away, but they will be less painful emotionally over time. – Rachael

• I had a c-section with my first and took me a long time to get over it.. Still makes me mad sometimes thinking about how I was treated.. At the end of the day even though you feel cheated I just kept focusing on how lucky I was to have my little girl in my arms and be alive as 60 yrs ago I probably wouldn’t have made it. This helped me accept it and move past it – Tarani

• I had a c section with my first and then had my heart set on a Vbac for my second. Didn’t happen ended up getting tricked into another csection ( long story) this was 10 months ago and I still cry about it nearly every day. I’m just hoping with time it will get easier. – Chantal

• I also had an emergency c section followed by massive complications which I still haven’t recovered from 5 months later. I like to think about my boys birth a lot as I like to remember the feeling of the contractions etc and how I did my best to get him out myself. I feel this helps to make me feel like I was part of the process and allows me to concentrate on the positive parts of the birth rather than the negative. And in the end you have a healthy baby to hold in your arms forever and some women don’t get this lucky and we need to remember that. – Jaimie

• I’ve had 2 c-sections. The first was an emergency and the second a planned because of the first. I feel sad I’ve never gotten the chance to deliver naturally but remind myself that it was the difference between my kids getting here safely or not. – Jessica

• I had a c section at 35 weeks and cause bub was premmie I literally saw him for all of 30 seconds and then he was taken to the special care unit…the first time I touched him was 6 hrs later. I was resentful for the fact I wasn’t allowed to hold my baby whenever I wanted for the first two weeks … and ur right the pain was not something I was excepting to be so bad but then again neither was part of the placenta they left in me either…. I don’t think I will ever get over it but I look now at my beautiful little healthy 15mth old and am so very grateful I can cuddle him now whenever I want …I just try not to think of the birth – Brooke

• I had my second 7.5 months ago & have experienced the same. I’m sorry u are going through this. I go to “Birthtalk” which has helped a bit(midwives & other mums specialising in traumatic births). It is not unusual to feel this way-ur not alone by any means. I’m still working through my feelings. Don’t try to cope alone, you ll need help & there s heaps. Not sure where u are but call Birthtalk & they can direct u. Sending healing vibes ur way – Briony

• Same thing happened with me with my first bubba 5 months ago and it took me some time to get over it. I think once everything settles down and you start to feel better you will slowly start to forget about how they got here and just enjoy that bubs is here! It’s a shame you didn’t get the birthing experience that you wanted with your last bub in the same way that I didn’t get the experience I was hoping for with my first (although hopefully I’ll have a better experience next time) but it just takes time and soon it won’t even matter. They had to do what they believed at the time was best for the baby so we just have to let it go as it is already done and out of our control! All the best, hope you’re feeling better soon! – Aymee

• Sounds like you have postnatal depression as something has happened that you did not was as you had a plan and want to stick to it.. I also wanted a calm birth after having 2 already this also was my last birth instead bubs was late I was induced and I was ok with that but then my plan of being in the shower until bubs was ready to come out as I found this the best pain reliever during last delivery.. but no I had to lay on this bloody bed for 4 hours in agony all up my back. Midwives rushing me.. saying if bubs wasn’t here by late afternoon they were doing c section which I very much did not want.. so I started pushing bubs got stuck .. Came out not crying purple for over 12 mins then he finally started crying and got colour in nicu for 1week due to unexplained dusky episodes. I thought the worst.. turns out he had fractured both clavicles not to mention the bruising on his cheeks due to quick birth.. I also feel cranky and cheated as I have never had a prob with labour.. I concentrate on the fact I have 3 happy healthy children.. you will heal soon if you are in pain ask for something for the pain I found endone great.. I do hope you feel better soon but just think of the positives. . I try not to think of mine because it does make me angry.. I was rushed and I didn’t get to do what I wanted. . especially since I came in with a plan.. which id never had before – Kim

• I had an emergency c section with my first and felt extremely disappointed in myself for a long time after. Best advice is to seek some help, speak to a counsellor or psychologist particularly one who specialises with this type of issue. Be thankful that your baby is here today and remind yourself that the c section was not your fault and not something you could have controlled. You feel cheated but the reality is there is only a really small chance of labour and birth going the way you planned and even if you do everything right it still might not end up going the way you want. It’s no different to having a boy when you really wanted a girl. Nothing you can do to change it at the end of the day. It took me almost 12 months to come to terms with mine. Speak to someone and get help – Hayley

• It is very common to feel horrible after an emergency c section. I felt like such a failure and then I felt guilty for being depressed because it was the best outcome for baby. It was my GP who acknowledged the way I was feeling and said it was completely normal. Once I knew it was a normal way to feel i was able to move past it – Jessie

• You’re not alone. Please speak to your partner and your local GP about your feelings. Best of luck – Leanne

• Don’t be too hard on yourself. It is very traumatic for some and can take a huge amount of time heal both mentally and physically your only human to feel what you do talk to positive ppl about it and make sure you have support around you.  Birth never goes to plan but c-sections are scary.  Hope in time you will heal take care – Kevina

• Just because you came out of the c section regarded as ‘healthy’ that dosnt take In to account the emotional, mental and Spiritual damage done. A healthy baby thrives of a healthy mother that means the mother has to be healthy all ways not just physically. Good luck – Terri

• I had a c section with my first born 3wks ago after labouring for 84hrs! Baby wasn’t distressed but I was exhausted and he wouldn’t turn his head. I felt totally cheated and like I couldn’t do what I was made for doing, and day 4 after I cried for 24hrs midwife said it was normal and since I’ve been fine. My baby is perfect & healthy and that’s all that matters. As I have also healed I feel a lot better about everything. Hope u feel better soon – Kristy

• Bub is healthy and happy and you get to take him or her home…my first was an emergency ceaser I didn’t see him for a while as I was in high care and he was in nicu for a few weeks the c section was the easy part. I have had both bubs via c section it really is what you make it as second was home after 12 hrs loving every minute of my precious bundle.  I cried when my second was born as despite being a c section it was amazing his first cry and hearing it, my first I did not…I have never thought of a c section as lesser option or not as worthy or not as good as having it natural as I never had or will never have that option – Danielle

• I had an emergency section with my first and I was very upset about it. To make matters worse he went into NICU for the first three days so it was the complete opposite of the birth experience I wanted. I have always said that as long as baby came out safely that’s all that mattered. And it’s true! I think you just need time to mourn the birth you didn’t have. I had a natural birth with my second and actually feel fortunate that I have experienced both and that I am able to talk to others about either. – Amy

• Don’t expect too much from yourself. You don’t have to get over it you may never. It’s about finding a way to forgive yourself if you blame yourself that is and finding a way to deal with it. It’s ok to fee how you do and it’s ok to be upset. But I would urge you to speak with someone either your dr or a councillor. Much love I really feel for you. I’m sure reading about all these other experiences similar to yours you’ll feel less alone. Xx – Trista

• Mumma I’m so sorry you feel the way you do, and that you are receiving such negative comments. Your feelings are completely valid. Please head over to the vbac australia support group. We will all be there with you to listen & support you through such a tough time. Xx – Kerrie-Anne

• Birth trauma is real. There are pages & groups to help you identify your feelings and heal. You just had major emergency abdominal surgery and it’s ok to not be ok about it right now, even though you have a healthy baby and have bonded well. Good luck. – Karrie

• Time heals all wounds it’s really hard having a c I had an emergency one due to the stress my little one was in and she was put in to the special nursery right away it took me 11 hours and 38 mins to be able to see her and hold her for the first time and that killed me at the time all I did was hit that button for the mid wife every half an hour asking when I was able to see her and hold her for the first time. Make sure have have people around u that will be their for u and give u lots of cuddles. Also I spoke to the support team at the hospital about how I was feeling at the time and they were great and so understand. And for the pain keep on top of your pain killers and don’t go without them I found in about a week things where heaps better. It’s was hard the pain and I had to get up the next day and walk back and forth for the nursery to my room to express every 3 hours, in time you will be fine and ok with it all it just takes time so hang in there and rest up. Hope u get better soon and also feel better just know your not alone xx – Jess

• It takes time. My first was a c sec and I wasn’t prepared for it. I planned this wonderful birth and after it the bond. It was hard to take and sometimes now I still feel like I cheated and was cheated but my bub is healthy and wouldn’t have been if I didn’t do it so I focussed on that. As time goes by I barely think about it anymore. The pain gets better too I have never had surgery so it was a shock to me but each day was easier. Make sure you try to have support with you wen you get home to help – Kristy

• I have a c section, and 2.5 years later I still feel cheated sorry I’m no help, but you slowly adjust to it – Stacey-Lee

• I have no idea how to help I just want you to know your not alone I had one on Friday and struggling with everything to do with it was a mess leading up to it and on the operating table was a mess too I’m just hoping time will help me accept it – Tegan

• Wait for your baby blues to pass. If they don’t speak to your gp about post partum depression – Mel

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