Baby Hints & Tips

Dealing with negative comments about your parenting decisions

Mother and daughter fight, man keeps earsHow have you dealt with negative comments made about the important decisions you as parents have made (eg circumcision, ear piercing or baptism) from family and friends who ‘know it all’?

  •  I ignore it.  Tam
  •  I had a STRANGER at a shopping centre tell me that my sons name was something you would call a dog (his name is Angus Blaze) I love his name. Anyway, I was a bit irrational and dealing with PND, so I slapped her coffee out of her hands, all over her feet and calmly walked off….Rebecca
  •  Baptizing and ear piercing wasn’t my biggest issues. Mine was that I formula fed my baby from day one. I just ignored them and the special people got a nice fuck off from me.  Danileel
  •  The 2 comments I find the hardest are: “we’ve done all the research and know that immunisation is not good for kids” (as if all parents who choose to immunise must not have done any research otherwise they would have come to the same conclusion); and “I would NEVER send my kids to a public school”. Some of us don’t have a choice! Not all public schools are bad & you come up against the same issues at private schools, you just pay more for it! And those who choose to home school always seem so smug about it! Grrrr! Rant over!   Wendy
  •  Have relative that is paying a fortune to go to a private school and the teachers are crap. They can’t wait to be accepted into a great public school in their area. Education starts in the home anyway. If you put in the effort to help ur kids learn it doesn’t matter what school they go to.   Larissa
  •  “You will do what you think is best for your child, so let me do the same”.   Tamra
  •  Look at how poorly those kids are dressed! As if u would put your kids in such expensive clothes to go to the park! Look how much that child eats! Look how little that child eats! Look how crazy that toddler is! Look how quiet and miserable that child looks….. are u seeing a pattern here?? No matter what u do as a parent u will always be judged! Do what u think is Best suited for YOUR own child (cos every one of them is different) and ignore negative opinions, u will be a better parent than any other parent that brings their kids up abiding by what society “thinks that should be”   Cristin
  • We had a few friends not understand our decision to get our DS circumcised and some made a few comments that upset me…I just explained our reasons for it…and said that was end of story. I don’t feel like we should have to justify our choices as parents to our friends…but it made me feel better knowing I had an answer for them that I was comfortable with.   Sera
  •  I just parent the way I see fit. I listen to advice given politely and if its crap advice I just throw it away. If they are going to be negative just don’t visit them or allow them to visit. They will soon get the hint.   Dawn
  •  From drs and midwives and a couple of friends that I formula fed my baby from day 1 and that i was ALWAYS going to formula feed my baby. Made this decision before even i wanted kids. Stuff everyone. It’s my body.   Juleen
  •  I’m a little bit of a bitch and I ask them how it felt to push out my child! When you push them out you can decide what happens to them!!   Kristy
  •  I got a few comments from friends about circumcising my son. I just told them its my child and I’m going to so what I think is best for him. They can so the same for their kids! Plus I’m pretty stubborn and don’t mind saying what I think so they all backed off The thing I find sad is the amount of criticism mums get from other mums. I don’t think it should be like that. What’s wrong with supporting others?   Emerald
  •  We had both our sons circumcised and have received so much negativity from some family and friends some of it questioning my ability as a parent. We did so so much research before we made our decision. I just had to remember I was doing what’s right of them and not to let others get me down about it.   Allira
  •  My daughter had severe reflux and screamed most of the time as a baby. A lady at the counter at Spotlight asked me about her crying, and when I said she had reflux quizzed me about her sleeping and feeding, then declared, “I don’t know what your doctor’s on about, but that isn’t reflux – there’s something wrong with your milk! You should put her on formula”. I cracked it, I asked exactly how her career as a check out chick had given her the qualification to diagnose and treat my daughter’s condition better than our pediatrician, stormed out and called to complain when I got home.
  • Family and friends don’t often comment, but if they dare to challenge parenting I’m more than comfortable pointing out that all choices relating to our child are ours to make.   Sarah
  •  I was told to my face at my daughter’s christening that I was stupid for finding out and sharing her gender when i was pregnant. I tried to change the subject, but the speaker said “I don’t care, you’re stupid to find out.” I was gob smacked and really upset. I was still struggling with PND (well known by all) and this was the last thing I needed. Fortunately it was toward the end of the day and it only ruined the last hour or so for me. It bothered me for a long time, but I eventually realised that it said more about her rudeness and ignorance than anything else. By not responding I may not change her ways but I wasn’t rewarding her behaviour either. Now whenever she insults me, I just ignore her like I’m deaf. Alternately I take a line from Mrs Brown’s Boys and say “That’s nice dear”!!!   Natasha
  •  I listen to all sides of it and take it into consideration, but at the end of the day I will do what I believe because it is my job. But in saying that I have never been criticized for my parenting. I have been a mother for 7 years, although my child is only 15 months. I was treated as a second mum to about 11 kids for 23 years.   Tammy
  •  I just try focus on me and my family and drown out the negativity, and the “this is how you should do it” talk. I hate when someone says “oh I’d never do that with my child” I just say well works for us and leave the conversation at that. I don’t want to argue as long as your child is happy healthy and not in harm’s way I think it’s no one’s place to tell you how to do things even if they “know better”. Offer advice I’m happy to listen but never tell me I’m doing it wrong or this is how you should do it. Ill press the mute button in my head and ignore you.   Kerri-Anne
  •  Just be like Teflon and let it slide xx   Lauren
  •  Yes my husband’s grandma wanted to baptize my daughter in a Catholic church as Jehovah’s witnesses we Cleary said no when she grows up she can make her decisions. She tried over n over again and always calmly tried to explain that our religion doesn’t work that way and eventually she took the message. Family and close friends will always try to barge in our lives and try control it but we just have to listen with one ear and let go thru the other. And take in the good stuff of course!!   Jacque
  •  They get told to bugger off! My child my choices If I don’t ask for opinions I don’t want to hear the negative craps ppl come out with…their only doing it cause they are looking to feel better as parents in my opinion.  Wendy
  •  I haven’t really gad issues like that. My Dad has said once or twice “you would have gotten a smack for that” my response is generally “that’s nice” lol  Kate
  •  My biggest criticism I received was when I found out I was pregnant and making the choice to become a parent. The father wasn’t interested and I was told I had no right to keep a baby if the father didn’t want it. I told them to go to hell and no longer speak to them. If I get any more I just say each to their own or that’s nice.  Zoe
  •  My daughter had colic for a long time and once when walking around a shop with her crying the lady from the checkout came up to me and said is shopping really more important than taking your baby home and feeding it? She is clearly hungry, well she definitely got an ear full from a tired mummy still won’t shop there again.  Ebony
  •  If people can’t respect my wishes, I distance myself from them to a degree…whatever degree necessary. Even family. I’m not going to compromise the state of my mental health just to keep a rude person happy. People need to understand boundaries, and in order for that to happen, sometimes they need to have consequences thrown their way.   Carolyn
  •  My son (now an incredibly healthy almost 4yr old) had haemolytic anaemia when he was 3wks old. After being flown to hospital by the RFDS 800kms away, the doctors wanted to give him a blood transfusion. Thank god all my In-laws were far away, the amount of abuse over the phone I received when I said it was NEVER going to happen was disgusting. The doctors had no choice but to give him EPO injections, and his body fought hard to produce his own red blood cells rather than be filled with someone else’s, and has never looked back. 3 weeks later we were back home (could have been home in a week had it not been such a long way to travel) with no ill effects from my decision.   Justine
  •  My Step MIL doesn’t get spoken to by any of the kids for her judgmental ways, for someone whose never had kids she sure is an expert, apparently I’m a crap mother coz my 2.5yo wouldn’t talk to her on the phone and he kept getting ear infections. She also doesn’t attack ppl in person or on the phone it’s all done via FB hence she’s been blocked by all the step children and most of their respective partners.   Pam
  •  We have wanted to get our son circumcised but the health nurses changed our minds only from their experiences with mutilations and infections…Lisa
  •  I haven’t really come across any negative comments before, my whole family and friends are always very supportive, it’s usually strangers on sites like this that most of the negativity comes from and I think that’s because they feel tough behind their keyboards.   Casey
  •  MYOB!! Friends and family have no right when it comes to important decisions that affect your own baby/child. Maybe they should offer support instead of criticism.  Simone
  •  It doesn’t matter what you do as a parent you come across negative judgment for something that you have done. Hold that head high and move on.  Emily
  •  Just nod and smile there’s no one better then yourself to make these important decision.   Rebecca
  •  Just remember your the parents not them u know what’s best.   Belinda
  •  You can’t change what others think; you can only change how you feel. Just ignore it – every decision you’ll make for your child will be scrutinized by others.   Alicia
  •  Yes going through baptism this weekend and I am saddened and disappointed at the amount of friends and family going out of their way to avoid coming – it’s about the baby and a family get together??!! Grrr   Tiffany
  •  I ignore it.   Belinda
  •  All of my husband’s side if the family are sending their kids to a private school, although we CAN afford it we have chosen a great public school that we believes actually offers more than the private one. My kid, my choice so but out!!   Larissa
  •  I just don’t listen and I don’t judge – challenging at times but the only thing that should ever draw note (imo) is abuse – otherwise live and let live.  Renee
  •  My mother says circumcism is barbaric and his mother says not doing it is dirty…. ignored both and decided “if it ain’t broke won’t fix it”…. and now we are heading down ‘natural healthy path so glad we left well enough alone, same with piercings and tattoos, although it is none of our business what others choose to do.  Wendy
  •  We just say ‘that’s ok we are comfortable with our decision.’   Monique
  •  “Hmmm that’s an interesting perspective and thanks for sharing” and move away from them with a big smile! Hehe   Leanne
  •  I copped so much negativity from my family about getting my son circumcised. I just explained my reasons for getting it done and left it at that. Unfortunately the procedure actually did go wrong, so it gave them even more reason to say ‘I told you so’… But it was my decision and I stick to it. I’m more than willing to listening to other people’s opinions, but at the end of the day I’m the parent and I make my own decisions – and no one else has a right to criticise it.   Brooke
  •  Everyone has an opinion. You get used to it as time goes on. Have faith in yourself and your God-given right to parent your kids. I got a crappy look the other day from a couple in a bookstore and I could care less, I’m trying to raise a respectable member of society, they can do it how they see fit with their own kids. My friends think that co-sleeping is ridiculous, I used to care what others thought about that stuff but after I realized and accepted that people would judge, I could more easily let it go and I judge others less and have grown from it all a little more.   Candace
  •  Honestly haven’t had much criticism for anything. Even when we had our son circumcised most people just asked about the procedure because they were considering it. I told them it’s not worth the procrastination. It is a 2 min procedure (literally) and my son who was 5 weeks at the time was not really fussed. See a good doctor who specialises in it and everything should be fine. If you don’t want to get it done then cool no Probs.   Victoria
  •  I tell people I don’t tell you how to raise your kids so how about keeping your comments to yourself otherwise don’t come around lol   Kerianne
  •  I just tell them that until they start paying to raise my kids keep your mouths shut.  Sharron
  •  Not yet. Our first baby is here in roughly 10 weeks time, so it will be interesting to see. Hopefully everyone understands it’s our baby and the decisions are ours to make. So far family & friends have been great.   Tammy
  •  My husband and I just stick to whatever decision we have made some understand others don’t but they had their time to bring up their own kids now its OURS simple.   Lori
  •  I look at it like everyone has opinions if I listened to anyone but my own or husbands raising our children I would be in a mental institution.  Chloe
  •  We did when we had both our daughter ears pierced. I just said that there our kids and it’s our choice. Short and simple.  Cassandra
  •  Had someone ask me if I couldn’t afford to buy my lo a pram (had her in her sling which she loves) calmly replied, yes she doesn’t like it. Why? Are you jealous you didn’t cuddle your babies enough????   Stacey-Leigh
  •  My partner and I do what we see us the right thing! We got lectured that we had to get our boys circumcised by family members and as much as we wanted to we couldn’t afford to have it done so we made the decision not to have it done. As parents we make the decisions for our children not the people around us!   Sonya
  •  Lol I’m really straight forward. If they say something I tell them to mind their own bloody business.  Ali
  •  My baby my way… Simple.  Debbie
  •  Yep lots of my choices have been judged by family and friends. I’m doing what’s right for my LO and immediate family. That’s all you can do.   Sami
  •  Listen but ignore other peoples comments, everyone deserves an opinion whether you want to go with it or not.  Joni
  •  Just ignore them people are always going to tell u what u should and shouldn’t do but u do what u think and feel is right I had my bubs ears done at 3 months old she’s fine an if others don’t like it that’s fine they don’t have to do it with their kids but I did that’s it hope it helps x   Kelly
  •  I got a few uncomfortable ‘oh?’ When people asked if I was breastfeeding and I told them no. I felt guilty and like I would have to explain myself. Then I had my mother an MIL both there in the first wk an they both wanted 2 give their 2 cents worth especially when bubs would cry- ‘pick her up’, ‘don’t pick her up! Let her cry’ etc   Mel
  •  Told them to mind their own business.   Debbie
  •  We kindly thanked them for their opinions but that we as the child’s parents believed that what we chose was what was best for our family. It can be tough to stand your ground but remember it is your family’s 24/7 life not theirs.  Keryn
  •  We did what we wanted anyway our child our choice I always said because I cant wear jewellery that we would wait until our girls were old enough to choose themselves even when they say they would take her and just get them done without out my permission no one was ever game enough to try it though my eldest just turned 7 and she wanted them done so we let her.  Grace
  •  I haven’t ever really coped any negative comments or anything from know-it-alls about the big decisions but I do have to remind people that I will raise my children how I see fit & at the end of the day, why do they even care? I usually get comments about how I’m so strict with what my daughter eats/why I don’t smack/etc.. & people questioning my decision to not breastfeed Baby #2.   Sammi-Jo
  •  My at the time bestie and i got into an argument and she told me out right i didn’t respect my Dd enough and that I was terrible mother because I allow her to fall over and take risks in a controlled environment and within reason, but apparently according to her who at the time had just fallen pg with no 1 you shouldn’t do at all. And she said i didn’t really have PND it was simply attention seeking behaviour. I told her that she is in for a reality check when she has kids and realise some days are a hike up a rough mountain while others are a stroll in the park.  Stef
  •  I had a little bit of criticism from friends for baptising my daughter, they were pretty much told my child, my choice, I wasn’t forcing anyone to come, I also didn’t take offence by those that chose not to come because of their differing religious or non religious views. There is more to baptism than just another get together, which some people don’t seem to understand. My mum was told similar when I got my daughters ears pierced. She seemed to be the only person against it (she wouldn’t let me till I was about 12).   Bethany
  •  They use to get to me but now I just think…no I am the parent this is MY child therefore I will make the decision.  Kaila
  •  Omg.. I didn’t handle my hubby’s grandmother questioning my choice to have my children baptized catholic very well… Obviously didn’t say anything to her (wished I had have) but bitched to my hubby. Oh and by the way they didn’t turn up!! I won’t be bothering to invite them to the next one.   Lacey
  •  Sure do all the time. I just have to take a deep breath and ignore them. Because nothing I do is right in their eyes and I remind myself I don’t want to be like them.   Veronica
  •  Oh man, my father in law believes EVERYTHING myself & his son do with/for our boys is wrong -.- it drives me insane!!!   Amber
  •  We have three boys all circumcised, and I don’t care what everyone else thinks. It’s just like the big debate about immunisation all four of my children are immunised as my views are different from others. They can just mind their own business!   Rebecca
  •  Not just for the big decisions but for the little ones too…what we feed them, how we dress them etc. I have an EX aunty in law who always knew best and used to roll her eyes constantly at our decisions. She used to bitch behind our backs saying ‘what do they know’. Needless to say we don’t have anything to do with her anymore. She was a horrid woman! They are OUR children.   Diana
  •  Ignored it all.   Emm
  •  Just ignore it! Or ask a question ‘who’s the one raising MY baby’!   Jaide
  •  You’re the parents. Tell others to mind their own business! I raise my kids the way my mum raised us and the way my nanna raised her kids. Others would think Im doing things wrong but hey. My kids are loved and don’t go without! All my girls have their ears pierced and our son is circumcised. I don’t lose sleep as to what others think! My kids, my way!!   Hayze

 

First time mum. My 4.5 month old is very clingy. Of course it’s my fault as I raised her but because she is spoilt. (I always hold her). She hates the car and the list goes on. All my in laws likes to remind me that I’ve stuffed her and that she’s too spoilt etc etc. I’m really getting upset about it like their babies are perfect and I’m a shit mum.

  • Firstly huge hugs. You are NOT a bad Mum; you are an amazing Mum. We all raise our children differently; and don’t let anyone tell you how to raise your child. Bree
  •  Hunni, quite frankly its none of their damn business how you raise your baby, if they don’t like the way a BABY acts tell them to shove off. Tiffani
  •  My boy got really clingy around that age too. They do grow out of it, just a phase. Sally-Anne
  •  You can’t spoil a baby people are mean and opinionated! Get one of those onsies that say ” my mum doesn’t need your advice” plus I would personally rather be critizied for spoiling rather then being mean to the new baby!  Alexander
  •  I rock my 7.5month old to sleep. I’m constantly told that I’m making a rod for my back blah blah blah. Well I enjoy it as much as she does! If it makes your lift and by bad easier if you hold her then don’t listen to anyone! Happy mum = happy bub!!  Liz
  •  You haven’t spoilt her, and she isn’t stuffed – she is one very very loved baby! congratulations! Babys need love, they need affection and they need cuddles! and well done for giving your daughter those things – maybe you should remind those so called experts in your life, that babys thrive with love and affection – never ever feel guilty about that. She is still growing, and getting used to our world – which can be big and loud and scary for someone that has just spent 9 months on the inside you are definitely not a sh*t mum, and they are not perfect – you keep doing what you’re doing. the time will come when she wont need to be held anymore, it will happen slowly – enjoy her now! Xx  Chantal
  •  Sweetie, don’t let them win. Don’t beat yourself up! Babies don’t come with instruction manuals – but gee how we all wish they did! Every child is different as is every parent! If both mum & baby are happy then it’s no-ones business to critiques. They are only babies for such a short time so cherish every second! I still carry my 2yr old – and love every second I do!! Xx  Michelle
  •  Rubbish!! She’s 4.5mths old, FAR from stuffed lol & there is no such thing as a ‘too spoilt’ baby!! My 3rd bub was the one who I carried everywhere & he is my best self settler/least clingy bub!! Every bubba is different, just means she loves her mumma best, how is that a bad thing.  Lauren
  •  Little babies NEED to be held.?screw them and there “all about me” attitude ur the mum and u have done fine. After maybe 6months try to change the routine day by day done stress. Danielle
  •  You’re not a shit mum. You do what you feel is right. Whether is wrong or right. I feel like that with my 2nd. All I can offer is they’ll get to a stage where they won’t want to be picked up at all, especially when they start crawling. Try not to listen to ppl. Tell then to get lost and say it like that cos they’ll eventually stop criticizing. Good luck and it will get better!  Natalie
  •  Ummm tell them your baby is only 4.5 months old!!! You’re not stuffed her!! All bubs are clingy at some stage! Chin up, you’re doing great x  Danielle
  •  No matter what u do people will always question it. If your baby is healthy, growing and happy that is all that matters! In the end you parent your child how you want to and that is your right as their mother . You only have bubs best interest at heart and your a great mamma for doing so. Chin up:)  Kasey
  •  Every kid is different, some are more clingy regardless if you have as you claim spoilt her.
  • You’re not a shit mum, you’ve just enjoyed extra time with your girl
    I was told I was a shit mum with my first at kindergym coz at 6month dd she wasn’t crawling, so what? She was talking at 5months but the kids of the other mums weren’t. Another time a woman abused me coz she saw i was bottle feeding her, what she didnt know is that my milk supply stopped on its own. Motherhood is dog eat dog world sadly, you’ve just got to keep your head up and know that you’re doing the best job you know how. Katie
  •  It doesn’t make u a shit mum. she’s your baby. spoil her as much as u want. it doesn’t make her a bad baby. and doesn’t make u a bad mum. you bring your daughter up how u want to and dont let anyone tell u your doing a bad job.  Phoenix
  •  My baby was very clingy at 4.5months people are just mean sometimes. Danielle
  •  Lol I must be a shit mum too then My 9 month old is super clingy, hates the car, won’t go to anyone, I breastfeed her to sleep, she sleeps with me and I never let her cry! She is just a super loved baby, I’m doing what feels natural to me, as you are too!!
  • She is my third as well- my first went to anyone and was an ‘easy’ baby, my second was a bit clingy but a ‘hard’ baby and my third falls somewhere in between- all babies are different even if you mother them the same! You can’t spoil a baby Tell your mother in law that your baby is perfect the way she is!!  Erin
  •  You are by no means a shit mother. You do what you can to get through each day. I would be telling your MIL maybe she wasn’t cuddled enough as a baby because she is a right cow!!  Skye
  •  You can never spoil a baby with too much love and effection. They grow up way too fast, so enjoy those beautiful snuggles. Natasha
  •  Oh that’s awful of them to suggest it’s you…it IS just a phase and after 3 kids I can assure you that holding and responding to your baby’s needs (emotionally too) will actually help them to be LESS clingy in the long run, not more clingy. So keep doing what you are doing, remember YOU are your baby’s expert and try to tune out those negative people. Be confident and do it your way – you are an amazing mum to respond as you are to your precious little one. Bron
  •  No matter what you do you will always here others opinions on it, don’t listen you are the best mum for your bubba! Stacey
  •  “Spoiling ” a baby by holding all the time is an old wives tale and belief. Tell them to get with modern research and studies that have PROVEN it is better and healthier to cuddle bubs esp under 6 months as long as they want or need. My 4 mths old is the exact same so don’t worry you’ve done nothing but the right thing Us Mummy’s are our own worst critics we don’t need mother’s being down on us with their outdated beliefs. Another example of outdated beliefs is a newborn only smiling cause if wind. Has been proven incorrect and that bubs actually do just smile because they’re human. Fancy that! LOL Keep up the good loving cuddles and work btw my 4mth old hates the stroller!! x. Jodie
  •  No all children can be clingy, I have 3 and my 3rd is like my extra arm she is glued to me 80% of the time.
  • This is your baby you need to remember this :)) just remember you will have to have some time to your self too but until then treat her how you want to as your her mother you know best.
    When your ready you will slowly separate yourself for her and she will be less clingy with in time she is still so tiny now. Be strong .  Skye
  •  You are definitely not a shit mum just because you cuddle your bub. At 4.5 months old babies can be clingy & the best thing to do is hold them. They are developing so quickly & it is a big scary world. I cant add the link with my phone but if you google Pinky McKay’s article on velcro babies it is very reassuring that you are doing the right thing for you & your baby. Enjoy the cuddles, it will be over before you know it. Allison
  •  Omg in no way have you done anything wrong?! It is aoooo important for babies to have physical contact with you, they crave it and by not giving it to them you would damage their development! Babies are there to be cuddled and loved and held! Most babies will go through a clingy stage whether they are held a lot or not! It is not physically possible to spoil a baby! Get them into bad habits like being rocked to sleep for every sleep maybe, but this is a habit that can be broken and is in no way going to ‘stuff them’. Think of it this way, are you going to watch them grow up and wish that you held them less? Or wish you had held them more….I still breastfeed my almost 1 year old to sleep at night sometimes but it’s not like he can’t sleep on his own etc. tell them they’re are the ones who were stuffed as its sucha. Horrible thing to say to a new mother who is doing her best at the time. We all worry we are shut but unless you are some kind of drug-f***d weirdo (which I seriously doubt) then you are an amazing mum and should not doubt that you are doing a fab job!  Elise
  •  If that’s the case I think all of us that give our kids love and plenty of attention are shit mums. Don’t worry about them. Inlaws are only there to comment on the bad things that they “think” you do!! :))   Mimina
  •  It’s none of their business how you raise your child. You are a wonderful mum and shouldn’t be made to feel this way for simply loving your child and giving your baby as much love as possible. I have had the same issue, although not to the same extent, and I pretty much told anyone with an opinion to bugger off!  Amanda
  •  Please don’t let anyone tell you that you are a bad mum! Babies need to be held especially when they’re still so young. Keep up the great work! Cathlyn
  •  There is no such thing as spoiling a baby. My lil boy is 16weeks old and iv always got him in my arms unless he sleeping or im playing with my daughter. Im the only 1 who can feed him if someelse is holding him iv gotta make sure he can see me or im in trouble. But I love being able to give him what needs. Brooke
  •  Grrrr!!! Don’t let them question you as a Mum! You are the one in tune with your bubba and they have no idea! I’ve had 3 clingy bubs, all different but hard because you do get tired giving them all they want. Hopefully they are only telling you you’re ‘spoiling’ as they’re concerned about you? (Ok, maybe dreaming). I have a theory (that I’m sticking to!) that the clingy hard work bubbas are that way as they are really intelligent and can’t just lie around all day as its boring My dd and ds are really happy school aged kids doing really well, and ds 2.5yo is now going through ‘MY DO IT’ and doesn’t need me as much anymore. Dd is due soon and will be getting spoilt rotten until she doesn’t need it anymore and I’m going to suck it up and enjoy before the ‘my do it!’ starts!  Kirsten
  •  Your daughter is only going to be your little girl for a very short time. You need to enjoy it while she is little xxx good job! You will have a beautiful bond with her xx  Madeline
  •  Well done for being an amazing, responsive mum despite lack of support from your bubs rellies, who are supposed to be interested in bubs wellbeing. I’ve resorted to being blunt/unsubtle to patronising + ‘well-meaning’ family/friends/strangers who all feel quite entitled to give bad ‘advice’/make criticisms/ judgement. Lucky its 2012, we now know so much more about how kids brains grow, how bubs attach to their main carers to develop healthy self esteem, how every growth spurt/wonderweek changes their perception of the world which might make them clingy. I found being with a mum’s group + spending more time with mum’s of same age bubs helped heaps – it might help to limit time spent with negative people too. Good luck, i’m sure you are doing an awesome job xxx   Ange
  •  Ugh I’d just tell them all to shutup & mind their own business..! They’re only babies for a short while & I think its perfectly fine to give them cuddles all the time.. At the end of the she’s your baby not theirs so what business do they have sticking their nose in..!?
  • I hate how everyone thinks they can just put their 2cents in when it’s not wanted when it comes to babies & everyone always has a judgemental opinion.. Everyone is different and not everything works the same for everybody.. I say stuff them and do what works for you & your baby xx  Rhonda
  •  Hun its only a problem if ypu think it is. If it works for you and bubs then dont stress. my youngest relied on a bottle to go to sleep. people told me to bteak the habit etc but it worked for us. Just do whats right for you. If you think its a problem then you can fix it. Local councils have some great parent support workers that can give you tips etc. I used one for my daughters sleeping issues. good luck xx  Abbey
  •  Everyone always told me to hold and kiss and cuddle them as much as possible when they are young because they grow up so quickly and grow out of always wanting you to hold them x  Emily
  •  I rocked my baby to sleep until he was about 5 months. Everyone had an opinion but i thought tough ! I liked doing it and he is well over it now at 15 months so in the end i love that i got all those cuddles. You’re not a bad mum nor are you spoiling her! Chin up hun xx the fact you’re worried shows how much you value your bubba.  Caitlin
  •  Our 2 year old is so clingy he screams if you leave the room or get up without him. Its not bad parenting. And at such a young age, babies need cuddles and love. You can’t spoil a baby.  And none of our babies liked the car at that age. They were fine once they faced Forward. NO ONE is a perfect mum. But having ababy that loves you and always want cuddles does NOT make you a bad mum. Kimmy
  •  It’s normal development, they get clingy, it’s not your fault. Your baby is only little and SHOULD want their mummy. Ignore them and enjoy your cuddles while you can!  Emma
  •  Sadly people do like 2 have opinions about our parenting just remind yourself that it is your child 2 raise as u please, its not their child, I am sure they have or will make choices that werent ideal in their parenting, and remind yourself that no one can fault u on loving your child, being affectionate, attentive etc. Your bub is only young 4 a while enjoy your cuddles my 15mth dd wont go 2 our family because she doesnt see them often enough, theres nothing we can do about that! Good luck.  Sam
  •  Try not to listen to unhelpful criticism. Try to read magazines, books, blogs, forums for help and advice. Though only take what you like from them. You need to have a clear understanding/picture of how you would like to raise your child and for them to turn out that way. People will constantly give you advice which isn’t all helpful. You will feel the urgency from others to get rid of the dummy, drop milk feeds, start solids etc etc etc. try to be in tune with your baby and stand by your decisions/choices. I decided from a very early age that I would hold/cuddle my baby when he wasn’t sleep time. They are only babies for such a short amount of time and then they will be on the move and not want to be cuddled as much.
  • I know people think I’m silly for not cutting back or stopping my sons bottles ( he is 22 months) but he loves his milk and I’m not going to remove something from him that he finds so much comfort in. He is a baby still. A baby will be clingy at such a young age and can be difficult at times but you have done nothing ring but love your child. Maybe try using a baby sling so you can move around more easily And get things done. I’ve heard alot of babies don’t like the car, thankfully mine did. Have you tried putting a mirror in front of them or hanging some toys So your baby has something to look at. Try feeding your baby before you get in the car so hopefully they drop off to sleep ASAP.
    In laws can be very opinionated and unhelpful. It can also be hard taking advice from them as sometimes they can be the enemy. It is hard but maybe you could tell them in a way to please stop criticising you as you dont find it helpful only a hindrance. They had their turn at raising their children and now it is your turn. If you need advice you will ask them but other than that you would like them to stop commenting. Good luck.  Nicole
  •  Don’t listen to them x I always carried my baby everywhere and co slept. She is an extremely independent almost 3 year old. Keep smiling and hugging your gorgeous bub x they are only babies for such a short time.  Natasha
  •  You are a first time mum, even fifth time mums don’t always get it right! Your bub is only 4.5 months old so if you wanted to change things, with perseverance you can but I don’t see you holding her all the time as a major problem. She is your bub and you can do things however you like I think parents/inlaws should just support you and applaud you on all the good things, not what they think are negative things. My baby was always held and now he’s 10 months and we are so close, but he’s always independent too. He’s my 3rd bub and all three of my kids I did things differently but they are all kind, loving, sharing and caring…I hated being “told” right/wrong from others. I did it my way anyway you are probably an excellent mum and love holding your bub cos she’s the most precious thing in the world to you!!!!  Amy
  •  Do what works. If it doesn’t work seek advice. “what to expect in the first year” ; is a good book.  Tim
  •  I’ve always been told you can’t spoil a baby. Who cares what others say. Love your little one and give her lots of cuddles and kisses because they really do grow up super fast.  Carmel
  •  You can NEVER ‘spoil’ a baby or child with too much love and attention! You are a creating the grounds for a happy healthy emotionally stable adult. It’s been shown adults who weren’t nurtured and cuddled enough as children turn out the most messed up of all! Ps when a 4 month old asks for something together not being clingy or doing it to annoy anyone it’s because that is what they need whether it be good sleep or attention. Attention is just as important as food it helps the brain develop emotional connections! Sarah
  •  She can’t help it if she loves you so much she wants to be with you. You’re her mum, her life. Cassie
  •  Crikey she is your little baby I did it with my ten year old and she turned out fine.  Paula
  •  Some babies are clingy. Others are more relaxed. I carried my now 26 month old non stop for first year or her life because she was miserable when put down. It was hard work, but for us much easier than dealing with crying when she was put down. She hated car, stroller etc. as she got older ( over 1 ) she got easier, would go in car & short bursts in stroller but would prefer to walk.
  • Now she is an absolute delight, loving, caring, compassionate and bright. We wouldn’t change a thing with how we parented as we have ended up with a lovely child. I think the fact we did our best to meet her needs ( or demands it felt at times!) has helped her grow into the confident child she is now. She’s very affectionate & not a terrible 2 at all.
    They are babies for such a short time, its hard work but so worth it in the long run. Good luck. Natasha
  •  They have all had their chance or missed it. Your turn to raise your child how YOU want. Only thing that is stuffed is their stinky attitude! Who’s kid does like the car?? You have a close bond with your child, so what better then your kid frightened or hating you! Aimee
  •  You have not stuffed her! She’s 4.5months old, she’s meant to be clingy!!! You cannot spoil a baby. Each child is different as is each adult. Some love to hug and cuddle and kiss and some people prefer their personal space. Don’t listen to your in laws! They’re just jealous that she prefers you still and that is sooooo normal! Everyone wants their mummy more than anyone else. You’re doing a fantastic job, and the only way you can create and insecure child is by ignoring them and abandoning them. A child that knows its mummy will hug it and be there for it whenever it wants will be more independent and outgoing. Believe in yourself hun. You’re doing a fantastic job. Xxxxxx Camilla
  •  I get told i should let my 11wk old cry more and i shouldnt pick her up as often…. i want her to feel safe and loved and if she needs that bit more attention from me, she can have it. Do what you think is best, it’s your child and you know them best. Kelee
  •  If clingy babies grow up to be sweet natured and intelligent children like Natasha’s gorgeous girl then clingy has to be a good thing My now 17mo was quite clingy when he was younger and absolutely hated the car! My partner and in-laws thought I should be tougher on him but I took the gentle approach and he’s now a very confident toddler who often falls asleep in the car…. It sounds like you have a sweet loving baby who wants to be close to the one person she feels she can really trust… hard work for now but you’ll cherish this very special bond. Bronwyn
  •  Unfortunatly mums can never seem to get anything right. If we bottle feed we get judged, if we use a dummy we get judged, if we hold our baby we get judged, if the baby cries we get judged etc. everyone has an opinion and some people should just keep it to themselves. If you don’t have something nice or helpful to say don’t say it. Your inlaws should realise all babies are different. It’s your first bub you need their support not their judgement. Everyone makes mistakes in parenting but that’s because your baby is different to mine and your the mother and you know your baby better then anyone. I have 4 children and I still make mistakes because they are all different. But you learn from your mistakes and you learn what advise to listen to and what not to listen to. You are a great mum you love your child that’s all that matters. We are all great mums we just don’t hear it enough!!  Juanita
  •  Its often said you can’t spoil a baby under 6 months. Ignore your in laws cause if they cared about their niece they would keep their opinions to themselves. I’m sure both they and their children have their own flaws. Rebecca
  •  Tell them to keep their opinions to themselves! She is your (& partners) baby and its not up to them how you bring her up! Plus she is so young still if you find she has some habits you want to change, you can do it when you’re ready!  Melissa
  •  I am often told the same thing, but I know that I am doing the best for my baby, so I just ignore everyone or reply with research that proves my way of doing things is ok! My daughter is ten months old now. She is “still” breastfed on demand, breastfed to sleep, we co-sleep and I do not let her cry. She is picked up and cuddled whenever she wants to be. I never really thought I would be this type of parent, but once my little girl was here I found all the advice I was given so conflicting and so ‘unnatural’ that I decided to follow my instincts and my daughter’s cues. For a few months (around the 4 – 6 month age) I wondered if I was doing the right thing, because my daughter was very, very, very clingy! It was hard to get things done around the house (if you have this problem, maybe look at getting a carrier, like the ergobaby, I wish I had bought one earlier, it is a big help) and I was definitely accused of “spoiling” my baby, by family and even by my child health nurse, who told me to “put her in a cot and let her cry until she falls asleep, she is 5 months old, that is too old for co-sleeping and it is your own fault she can’t self settle” (I tried letting her cry for 20 mins and then snuggled up with my baby and fed her to sleep!) But I started reading all the research and advice on pages such as The Natural Parent Magazine and Nurture ~ Natural Parenting Magazine and realized how natural and beneficial the way I am raising my daughter is. Now that she is a little older, I can say with certainty that she is not spoilt or clingy – she is very happy, smart, social, content and often plays alone with her toys for long periods – she wants to be carried less and less through the day, but she is still fed to sleep and we still co-sleep. Just follow your babies cues, read up on attachment parenting to give you more confidence in what you are doing and remember that the clingness is just a stage! Xx Nicole
  •  Bugger everybody else and what they think! People will forever throw judgements, criticism and suggestions and opinions your way but it’s whether u take them on board or not. If your bub wants cuddles, cuddle them! Maybe they just love you! Maybe they’re teething and have an ache or a pain, it’s what we do when we show affection to people so don’t hear a bar of what these people tell u about ruining your child! A mother always does and knows best. Trust yourself and your motherly instincts. You are a great mum! Monica
  •  She’s your baby so you raise her as you wish. If they are going to say negative comments then just don’t take her over there or have them at your house. Tell your hubby that if his parents want to see bub that he has to take her over by himself. Olivia
  • From our message mum: Can you please reply and say thank you for the messages. I always thought that each baby is so different and that as a mother that they wouldn’t be so critical to me as I bet they would have had their moments of doubt too. I’m currently on holidays with them so it’s a bit hard to hide from them when I’m feeling like absolute shit. I’m a new mum and I’m still learning a lot. She was born 4 weeks prem and is now 6.5 kg at 4 months. Fully breast fed and will sleep most the night so she is happy so why should I be punished?? Women are mean creatures sometimes. Thanks everyone xx

 

 


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