Baby Hints & Tips

New Baby in Blended Family

blended familyI am 38 weeks pregnant and at 32 weeks my husband’s 2 children moved in with us full time (from living with their BM 5 hours flight away) I am feeling a little anxious and jealous that I have to share this special time with them. Has anyone else felt like this?

  • Not exactly, but I was a bit resentful that my partner had done the “first baby thing” with someone else. I felt a bit alone.  Jes
  • Shouldn’t you be enjoying the fact that you can share this with them? After all, they are your step children! This baby will be their sibling! They will probably be there to support you more then you expect.
    Obviously there is a reason you are feeling this way but I personally think it’s a little selfish. Hopefully you can pinpoint why you are feeling like this.  Tracey
  • Also… think about how the children feel, getting their dad back full time only to have share him with the “new” baby and the “new” mummy. You should attempt to spend quality with everyone together, the children with you and allow them to spend quality time with their father.  Teagan
  • You can’t help how you feel but you can try to understand why you’re feeling this way and try and change your thoughts and see your situation as a positive happy experience… I understand having your first child is very exciting new and scary but as a step mum and soon to be mummy you will realise nothing goes completely how we want and we have to find the best in all life surprises. Wish you the best of luck with your new bundle!!  Tenealle
  • I would feel exactly the same way hun; I hope you feel better about. It soon.xoxo  Samantha
  • I think I would probably feel the same, and with all the hormones in your body it probably makes you feel even worse. But maybe in the next couple of weeks just try to look at it from a different perspective! You will probably be happily surprised!! Good luck xx  Bec
  • I’m so grateful that some kids are loved so much by their parents despite separating. My heart breaks for those poor gorgeous children who are abandoned by one or both parents. Hang the resentment in the back of the closest and wear your most loving and welcoming outfit. Accessories with a pair of grateful that your man is descent and takes comfort in knowing that he would do the same for your children if the two of you didn’t make it.  Billee-Jo
  • It’s quite normal to feel like this, I completely understand. Not everyone is perfect and can just push their feelings aside, so ignore all the harsh comments. Be open about it with your husband as bottling your feelings up will only make it worse. Try you’re hardest to keep things happy and loving with your stepchildren as it will be just as hard for them as it is for you. Trust me, with time things will get easier.  Renee
  • It’s normal what you are feeling just remember your emotions are on a rampage at the moment being pregnant takes it out of you mind as well as your body once bub comes you will be surprised how much you will love sharing it with them and the amount of help an older child can give you even if it’s just tossing a used nappy or passing you a drink while your feeding…. Good luck it will all work out x  Arnique
  • I think it’s a bit rough of people to say it’s selfish. You can’t help how you feel. Try think of it more as they are your step children and they will be there to help love, nurture and play with your baby. Your baby will love it. They probably need you to love them as well, kids that have been through divorce feel left out and will need a good mummy figure. I’m sure once you settle in with bub you will feel better. And remover hormones are a nasty thing! I was an emotional wreck from 32 weeks and didn’t really get back to normal toll about 6 weeks after. They can make small things feel 1000 times worse than they really are. Give yourself time, and try bond with these kids before bub arrives and form a good friendship. Extra hands when bub arrives will also be a good help for you.  Chantel
  • Also there is no way you should feel bad about your emotions they are yours no one else’s and the fact you are asking for help on how to deal with this shows just what a good person you are for trying to fix what you see could be a potential problem! I think people forget how highly strung and emotional people are when they are pregnant especially towards the end and if this is your first bub you’re probably freaking out already…. Arnique
  • The exact thing happened to me but I felt I could never express how I felt because I felt guilty for feeling it. It gets easier because I guess you realise there isn’t much you can do.  Danielle
  • Hi, similar situation. I came home after a csec with my first, to the school holidays and my 2 stepsons who I love dearly. I was very upset during this period (Hid it best I could from them as not their fault). I t hit me like a ton of bricks that: my first born will never be my hubby’s, no first will be dh, only mine and bubs, that the world didn’t revolve around my 1st new baby as I think it should have, as I suspect it did with his first. DH’s parents didn’t come to see me in hospital x 2 kids but did for his other 2. So many emotions, felt so ripped off, made me very sad. But after a while I was less emotional and came to a realisation, not an easy one either. Just the blatant truth of my life now which is; I chose this path, and just cause I didn’t realise the outcome, isn’t anyone else’s fault and all I could do now is MY BEST. I needed to decide (with the help of lots of support/advice from my mum) to put the negatives to the side and concentrate on all the good things to come out of the situation, and there’s plenty. My step kids are half siblings to my toddler and newborn and are fantastic. They play with, console, cuddle both my kids, and are super protective, ESP of toddler. I really think it has strengthened my relationship with my step kids too (7.5 & 9.5 boys) as dad and I have made every effort to keep the love flowing and they r very secure in the situation. This is really important as what we are the worst is creating a divided situation, resentment and ugly emotions could fester…. Never to b repaired. Unfortunately if we want a stable family for our kids, we made our bed, we man up and lay in it. Having said that, one of the toughest personal mind shifts I have had to overcome, and it’s a work in progress. I know mine r par time, and I relish our ‘little kid’ family time, but I also cherish our complete family tune. Took a good few months though! (Right after baby 1 I did consider leaving!!! But keeping my family together is more important than my own insecurities) PM me if you want. All the very best. Xo  Shevaun
  • I feel you (as I am sure many stepmothers do) and I can relate to your case too Billee-Jo as I have been/am both. I’m not sure if the people who think these feelings are selfish are stepparents themselves – but it’s perfectly normal. If this is your first child, there would be so many things going through your head, and you can’t yet fully appreciate the love you (or in your hubby’s case he) can have for your baby. When my hubby and I were having our first baby, I felt so jealous on so many levels – that this wasn’t his first, that there was another person taking his attention – I did try to be as kind and caring to his dd as possible of course, because I realised as a stepchild myself that the parents choices are not the child’s, but of course I wanted to share this new excitement with my husband and I couldn’t (not as 2 first time parents). Once out ds was born, much of that jealousy flew out the window. I could completely understand the drive my hubby had for his dd, and it made things so much easier to deal with – there will always be challenges, and at times you may have to remind yourself to be fair and equal (this is nothing unusual for people with multiple children anyway though, so don’t stress too much), and of course there is always the other parent, but in the end it will all be fine – hubby’s dd is now 20, our ds is 13 and we have a 2.5 – now when we are all together it just feels right.  Renee
  • Also, make sure you talk as often as you can to hubby about him being sensitive to your needs as a first time mum, try and b excited and share firsts etc. dad had exp too which came in handy! He knew more than me so was very calming. Though he was conscious to not say ‘ oh with ‘James” we did this way or that way’ he was very sensitive and VERY knowledgeable and helpful.  Shevaun
  • Completely normal, it’s a big change to go through at this stage in your pregnancy it will take time for you to adjust just look at it this way you will have some little helpers when you bring Bub home.  Toni
  • You are definitely not alone. I was living with my step kids part time for years before I had my own and I still felt like this, I can’t imagine what it is like for you, you just had this sprung on you when you were expecting it to just be you and your husband. It’s normal to feel some resentment towards the kids for taking attention away from the baby but what helped me is reminding myself that it’s not their fault and they don’t deserve to be treated any differently. They sometimes get in my face too much, like sitting on top of me when I’m breast feeding, but it’s just because they love the baby too. They are actually very helpful when I need to get stuff done and they can hold or talk to the baby for me. I’m not sure what your relationship is like with the step kids, but it will be good if hubby can do something with baby while you do something with the big two, that way he gets one on one time with the baby and your step kids will feel included by you. I know it can be hard to talk to your husband about coz they’re his kids, maybe you could arrange for the kids to be looked after so he can spend 1 – 2 nights in hospital with you and bub and the kids just visit in the day. Maybe once a fortnight a grandparent could do something fun with the kids so you and baby can have hubbys full attention. It is hard but we make it work coz we have to! Good luck.

 

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