My husband and I love each very much and we still find each other attractive but finding that our sex life is boring since having kids. There’s no effort, no enthusiasm or excitement. We are trying for a baby but are not thinking about that when having sex and its been like this for a while. We are finding it hard to be motivated to try new things. Any ideas on how to naturally get the excitement going again and make it fun like it is when you were first together?
GP tips on getting your sex life back on track
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- Hi, I had the same problem. Me and my partner have been together since we were teenagers around 13 years and we have 2 kids a 5 yrs and a 3yrs and we r expecting baby number 3 early September. Baby 3 wouldn’t of been on her way if it wasn’t for a little toy called the “we vibe 3″ honestly I’ve never been interested so much in those types of things but after I my poor fed up other half bought one home I’m singing a different song, actually this is our second one cause I broke the first one Kelly
- My advise is to stop “trying”, give yourselves 6 months of not trying but also no protection. Take the pressure off a bit. Stop worrying about getting pregnant and the actual act. Start by telling him your not going to have sex for a week, tell him there is no pressure and you both can decide when to have sex again. But you need to cuddle more, kiss longer and just talk more but not about babies or pregnancy. See how you go. I think you both are tryin too hard and have maybe forgotten why you both are trying to have a baby together; it’s because you both love eachother! Get that back and you’re halfway there! As for others that maybe after some advice for after having kids here goes: We have 2 under 2, first is 21 months and second is 4 months. During last preg I had absolutely no desire for sex to the point it actually made my skin crawl if he touched me. It was the most awful feeling and I hated every minute of it, I love my husband with everything I have and hated rejecting him. He was very understanding of my hormonal tendencies lol. It got to the point where he just wouldn’t touch me at all or kiss or anything because he didn’t want me to feel pressured for sex or annoyed. After bub was born it took a good 6 weeks for me to even think about sex let alone trying it. Hubby was till very supportive and never make me feel bad. It was like it was now a habit to immediately say no or get that feeling of “don’t touch me” out of my head. I started forcing myself to have sex at least twice a week and now bub is 4 mOnths old we are back on track and having better sex than ever! But you have to get creative. We now have sex early mornings, when both bubs are having arvo sleep, whenever we can fit it in (pardon the pun). I found it harder to get into the ‘mood’ late at night when all I wanted to do was sleep so I’d surprise him the next morning etc. It’s not easy but you can get you’re groove back just a little different than before because there are now little ones around. Good luck and sorry for the novel. Mumma Bear
- Hi ladies this was my question. My husband and I don’t have kids but we are trying. I have tried sending him naughty texts but its like he’s shy or feels uncomfortable or awakard sending anything back. I am very self conscious now and used to be all for dressing up but now I feel stupid if I do it. We also never do anything before its just straight into it. We try to warm each other up but feels very put on and no effort. We have nights where we go out for dinner etc but to us its just like a normal night nothing fancy. Any other ideas ladies keep them coming thanks to u all. Im the one who posted this question, I posted a comment earlier also.Thanks for the advice. Falling pregnant is on my mind 24/7 but when it comes to sex I just want the connection and I feel like that is what we are missing. Its been going on before we started trying for a baby. I need some way to get the affection and connection back in sex where we lose ourselves in eachother because at the moment. We want to have sex but when we do it feels really planned/awkward. Original Poster
- I had 3 kids in 3.5 years, my youngest is 9 months. I simply don’t have the time, energy or inclination for much. Since our youngest was born we’ve had sex 5 times at a guess? My husband and I are both happy, we love each other and recognise our life is busy so its not that we don’t care, just that putting added pressure in our lives right now wouldn’t be helpful for anything. We just figure our time will come! Matilda
- What is sex after children? Iam not being a smarty pants . I would like to know. My partner is away alot and our youngest is 2 and still wont sleep through out the night. So when other half is home we are both totally stuffed in a big way. If we do manage to have any sex its so quick it over before i could blink. Iam at a lost also. But we do love each other and are happy….well iam at least. Loretta
- Start with a simple kiss. I find that a long, passionate kiss gets me in the mood in to time. It also relaxes you and gets all the right hormones going. Good luck x Domy
- Start with a massage maybe to get things started this can always get you in the mood, have you read 50 shades of Grey? this book might get you in the mood as well, wear something sexy to turn him on and try to make time at least twice a week to have sex because the more often you do it the better it becomes and trust me you will have a wonderful marriage because it does make each couple more happier. Alicia
- Why don’t you arrange a blind date. Arrive to dinner in seperate cars, talk over dinner as though you are a brand new couple meeting for the first time. Flirt with your husband a little and tell him at the end of the meal that its time to cut to the chase and let him know if he pays for a motel room, you are good to go for the night Jojo
- My husband and I are closer then ever when not ‘trying ‘ to get pregnant throw away the ovulation test kit you will naturally be randier when your going to ovulate so go with your body, after kids I ‘faked it til I made it’ I was tired fat and wobbly and did not feel like having sex but I forced myself too, after a while I remembered just how amazing it was and two children 2 and 9 months and we are happy on 3/4 times a week never planned no additions the more you touch the more you connect so it just happened that by forcing myself into the mood a few times encouraged my body to remember just how great that euphoria you feel after is and how amazing you feel you sleep better you love more your energised its amazing! Lol NoWay
- Buy some sexy outfits and surprise your hubby with them – you can get some really cute and cheap stuff off ebay – and maybe try some roll playing if you are comfortable doing that Kate
- Look for some sexy bits and pieces online together (no need to go into a store and impossible with children). Bottle of wine, and try out those new toys!!!! Or send eachother sexy/naughty text messages all throughout the day, that way when the kids are in bed you are both ready to go!!! Roll playing is always good, you feel more comfortable doing things you may not necessarily be comfortable doing when you are just yourselves! Just have fun with it!!!! Lee
- Maybe have a date night. Go into the city for the night and have dinner, then back to the hotel room. Works for us. This sounds so stupid, but my husband and I purchased kids play guns, and shoot each other, that always gets us ready…. lol Lis