I remember New Year’s Eve before kids. I do. Like some misty booze-coloured memories… of the way we were.
Drinking in the shower and resting our beers in the soap dish. Climbing all over housemates and girlfriends in front of the mirror to try and put on one metric tonne of eyeliner underneath heavily plucked eyebrows. Covering our arms in liquid bronzer and reminding ourselves to not lean up against any walls when we’re sweaty because of that time someone (me) slid down into a puddle of fake-tanned shame.
Carrying on like pork chops until 10, before calling a taxi (remember them?) and heading out to see terrible bands and pash terrible boys. Forming a tight screaming scrum during the countdown and then stumbling home at 3am via McDonald’s to have deep and meaningful conversations about life and careers, and how many tattoos guys should have on their chests (the answer is no more than three and preferably not song lyrics).
My New Year’s Eve nowadays involves going to get a very early dinner (crap) then to see some family fireworks (terrible and crowded) and then home for a movie and cuddles on the couch (okay, I guess). The kid goes to bed but we have to stay up until midnight – not to party, but because our dogs have anxiety disorders and become very shrill when the real grownup fireworks start. I get to cuddle a farting fox terrier while I hear raucous parties in other peoples’ houses. I once heard a guy yell out, “Shit yeah!” while my Chihuahua did an actual nervous shit. It was a depressing juxtaposition.
But I have decided – NO MORE! I’m going to have a fun New Year’s this year. And, in typical Lou style, I am going to plan the shit out of it and be completely over the top.
Top 3 tips for a fun-filled New Year’s Eve
1. Reflect on the year
Many families go around and ask each other what everyone is grateful for. My plan, though, is to ask everyone what made them laugh the hardest.
My hardest laugh this year was when I was sitting at my desk at work and the only other person in the office wasn’t aware that I was there. We were working away when they suddenly let out a cheeky fart. I yelled out “Toot toot!” and started laughing so hard that I struggled to breathe. They never spoke to me again but … *worth it!*.
2. Play a super fun game
As opposed to the games we usually play in my house like “Where are your pants?” and “Why is there a chicken in the bathroom?” we will play something FUN. I am banned from most competitive games due to my twin flaws of loud swearing and board-game throwing but we can play something else instead. A few ideas…
- Everyone hide from Dad. Where we just keep leaving a room every time my husband enters until he realises what we’re doing.
- What can we make with that? Adventure cooking when we realise I’ve not done the shopping and we are down to a tin of tomato, Weetbix and some dry yeast sachets.
- Diagnose the dogs. We lay the dogs down when they freak out about the fireworks, pretend they are on a little psychiatrist’s couch, and ask probing question such as “when did you first realise you were obsessed with sniffing your own butt?”
- Let’s mop the floor! Everyone gets socks on their feet and slides around mopping the floor because god dammit I am sick of doing that shit myself.
3. Make a resolution
As a family, we’re going to make some resolutions but not boring ones like “Exercise more” or “Check if there is toilet paper before going for a poop”. We’re going to resolve to spend our time in the coolest ways possible! I’ve already gotten started…
- More adventures!
- Re-introduce old words into our vocabulary, starting with GROUSE and SICK (i.e. shit Mum, grouse outfit! Ya look sick!).
- See the people we love more!
- See the people who make us feel bad about ourselves less!
- Do what WE wanna do! More specifically, what I wanna do, but I think that’s a given.
- Go on a fun holiday!
- Take chances and be brave!
How has your New Year’s Eve adventures changed now that you’ve got kids? Have you got any fun ideas to add? This is what others have said on the topic.