When it comes to falling pregnant, everyone seems to have an opinion on what (not to mention when and how!) couples should be doing…
For many women out there falling pregnant isn’t easy and unless you’ve experienced this journey you really can’t comprehend the emotional and physical impact it can have.
Friends and family may mean well, but often their advice and comments can be hurtful. As someone who has been on the roller coaster that is infertility for the past six years, I can safely say I’ve head it all – good and bad, so today I’m sharing the top 8 things NOT to say to someone who is struggling with their fertility.
1. Just “Relax”
If I was paid a dollar for every time someone said this….. This comment is usually said with the best intentions, but when you are in the middle of the two week wait, it certainly doesn’t help.
2. “Take a holiday”
Again this is often said with the very best of intentions but alas this doesn’t help someone struggling with fertility not to mention it’s a logistical nightmare trying to plan a trip away when you are doing IVF.
3. “Well at least you have a dog”
Yep, a well meaning ‘friend’ actually said this to me after our third failed IVF cycle. As you can imagine it made me feel MUCH better.
4. “I don’t know how you can give yourself those injections!”
While it’s not the highlight of my day, when you consider what these injections will hopefully help achieve it’s all worth it – and let’s face it I trust myself more than my husband to give me an injection!
5. “You are lucky to not have kids so you can go on fancy holidays/buy a new house/go shopping etc”
Yes both my husband and I may be working full time in well paying jobs, but we were also forking out THOUSANDS of dollars in doctor, hospital and medication costs. And at the end of the day we would sacrifice it all for a child.
6. “My friend/sister/aunty fell pregnant as soon as they stopped IVF.”
I wish I could have given my friends sister/aunty/friend a giant hug. I can only imagine how difficult a decision it must have been to finally walk away from IVF and I’m incredibly happy that they were fortunate enough to then fall pregnant all on their own. However this kind of comment is not helpful to someone struggling with infertility.
7. “Have you tried *insert alternative therapy here*”
Yes. My desire to have a child is so strong and I am spending so much money on conventional medicine to try and fall pregnant that you are guaranteed to have tried every single alternative treatment or assistance there is out there.
8. “I don’t know how you do it.”
To be honest there are some days I don’t know how I do it either. The emotional toll of IVF is huge and there are days when I’m feeling particularly fragile not to mention bloated and sore and just want to stay in bed but unfortunately life has to go on.
If you know someone who is struggling with their fertility or undergoing fertility treatment the best thing you can do is simply be there and let them know you love and support them no matter what.
Share your experience below of what people have said to you that helps or hinders