My husband and I are about to start going through the process of IVF. A family member is also currently going through ivf with no success and may need to use an egg donor. If you were in my position and asked to donate would you knowing that you would know and see the child and considering the child will be with another man that is not your husband and how it may affect everyone involved.
- It is generally recommended that egg donors have completed their own families before donating. What happens if you don’t have many eggs and she gets pregnant but you don’t? Fiona
- I would not even consider donating until you have completed your family. Imagine if your family member fell pregnant with your egg and you didn’t… If you have finished up with your family then it really just depends if you can get past the fact the child is half your DNA, but you are not the mother and hence have no say in how the child is raised… Steph
- I went though ivf. Just used donor sperm. But I’m planning in donating my eggs. Yes that means on a DNA level there’ll be some more babies with my DNA, but I want to help those who can’t have a baby as I had help. And I know what it’s like to want a to have a baby. So I’ll do what I can to help other people to have one. Yes it’ll be hard imagining possibilities of a baby being similar to you around, but just be proud that you helped someone to create a beautiful gift of life, where they couldn’t. A gift of a baby. But if it’s too hard and putting you and your partner through a rough patch whilst thinking it, then I say wait, either until you’ve had a baby or decide to either so it or not too. Don’t rush into it if your not entirely sure. Samantha
- We have had to do IVF for both our babies (and we want more). I personally would not donate to a family member as that child is half you. I also would not ask any of our family to donate to us or appreciate being asked to donate particularly when you have not had your own family yet. It is a huge thing to have another child of yours in the world and have no say in how that child is raised etc. we even decided that any fertilised embryos not used would be donated to research. I think it could also create problems later when this child does or may find out you are their mother. I know it would most likely be kept from them but what if for medical reasons they need you? Don’t feel pressured into it. Such a huge decision needs to be made only by you and your husband. Good luck with your IVF, I hope you are blessed with beautiful healthy children. Kylie
- It will not be yours its only an egg not a baby yet geese how would you feel if you had no choice but to have a donor i think it is an awesome opportunity for another person to have a family who otherwise cant and you should be honored that they asked not spiteful because you dont have that issue if i was them i would never ask you. Bevi
- You might also want to think about how you will feel if they fall first. I know that this might sound harsh but it would be only human to feel resentful should that happen and they had a baby with -“your egg” while you were still trying without success. It would personally devastate me. I have been thru fertility treatments it was hard going in seeing people who were pregnant with their own babies when I was still struggling. Just thought I’d throw that idea out there in case u hadn’t thought of it as I would think thru that scenario in ur shoes. Good luck. Its an amazing thing to even consider. Nikki
- It really depends on what you think makes a parent to a child. I have very recently just gone through donating eggs (to a couple who I only met through the process of donation) and I don’t think of the eggs I donated as my eggs or the baby she is now pregnant with as half mine. He is 100% the biological father (of course) and she is 100% the mother because her body has turned their embryo into a baby, her body is giving their baby everything it needs, she is focusing her life and health on their baby and keeping it healthy and growing, she will be birthing their baby, she will be listed on their baby’s birth certificate as the mother and she/they will be loving and raising that baby to the best of their ability. The egg was mine but their baby will be barely more mine that anyone else’s baby is mine. I know that although the recipients are not family (which makes my situation different to yours) we now share a bond with the couple and my hubby, son and I will know their child, but the baby will be exactly that, theirs. If you want to help but think you may have issues you just have to decide to change your thinking or not do it. You cannot be emotionally attached to the egg if you want to donate because although it is vital for embryo making it is only a small part of making a baby.I wish you all the best in your decisions and personal endeavours with IVF! As a side note: my hubby and I have not completed our family but I have been extremely blessed with many healthy eggs so they accepted me as a donor anyway because the recipients do not have much time left before IVF is no longer an option for them.I also plan to donate more eggs after we add to our own family but the only thing I need is to meet/get to know the recipients because living in a city “where everyone seems to know everyone” or so it feels sometimes, it is just piece of mind for me that I will know of the children that come from my donations even if I do not have any sort of continuing friendship with the recipents. Sian
- Having been through the IVF process, there are counsellors available to you for free as part of your treatment. I think it is a very personal choice if you donate or not but would strongly suggest you make use of the counsellors available to you to talk the issues through before you make any decisions either way. Good luck with your IVF journey. Kieran
- I personally wouldn’t want to donate my eggs to someone I know. I think that is too close to home but some people with different personalities to me might be fine with it. It’s a personal decision really. Kylie
- Nope sorry I couldn’t do it. I could do the “baking” as in be a surrogate but not actually give an egg, as it’s half my child. May seem selfish but that’s my opinion. Sarifah
- I think a potential donor has to have finished their own family. Melissa
- Yes I would. In fact my husband and I have both offered any help/donation that may be needed to a family member. However it’s a completely personal decision. Karen
- I have to say I wouldn’t. My heart would lay claim to that child which would be unfair on all involved. Rosalie
- Couldn’t do it. There is an egg donor site they can use which would be anonymous. Tania
- I had considered donating my eggs to a close friends sister (whom we saw max one time a year). I discussed it with my hubby and he asked me not to as he struggled with the thought of the child being mine and the other guys. I respected his request because I thought about how I would feel if I were in his position. It’s not for everyone but if you feel it’s for you then know your giving one of the greatest gifts you can. Carmel
- I would not consider it until I had completed my own family. I appreciate how difficult it is sending you best wishes for a bundle your way soon. Kershel
- I struggled to conceive with my first child for 10 years. Personally I would want to have completed treatments we were going to do and hopefully complete my family before I would of even considered being an egg donor; even to another family member. Gook luck to you and your hubby. X Emly
- If it was to someone close I would. I think. I know it’s different but I always liked the idea of being a surrogate but due to caesareans it’s not really practical. Amy
- If u know they would love, protect n nurture that child then I’d say go for it..what a beautiful gift u could give..knowing that child is a part of u could just mean u will have n extra special bond. What does ur hubby think? If ur both ok with it n have discussed pros n cons at length then go for it!! Good luck!! X Tara
- Personally I could never donate my eggs. I would be a surrogate though. Rebecca
