I’m pregnant with my 4th and last child and we used IVF. I now have two embryos left over and need to decide their fate. My options are donate, use for research or destroy. What would you do?
*Due to the large number of responses we received, we have not published all of them below. If you would like to read all of the responses, please follow this link to our facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/babyhintsandtips/posts/755878004435715
- Very personal decision and one that only you and your partner can make. No matter what none of the above is the wrong decision. If it were my embryo’s I would donate. I couldn’t stand the thought of my baby being destroyed or used for science. And to give another family such an amazing gift would be the best reward for me. Tam
- Donate, Could quite possibly make a miracle to someone who has been trying to conceive
Good luck with your decision xx Sheridan
- Forgive me if I’m out of line but you obviously used IVF due to certain reasons, complications etc etc. Whatever the reason, you can relate to how tough falling pregnant can be. Now you have the opportunity to help give somebody the chance at parenthood…. I wouldn’t second guess it. Good Luck! Ashlee
- Destroy… Can’t bare the thought of someone else raising a child that is biologically mine, research well we all know how many mistakes could happen there… Sheree
- That’s a very personal decision , I’m sure your heart will tell you the right thing for you! Marissa
- Every choice is 100% correct. Go with your heart x Carolyn
- After having to make the same decision, we chose that any embryos we don’t use will be donated. Caitlin
- If it were me I would donate them for research. Donating I would have considered, but hubby doesn’t like the idea of someone else having my embryos. Sara
- Research. I couldn’t cope knowing that someone else was raising my biological child. That may seem selfish but I just couldn’t do it! Katiee
- Wow, I’m surprised how many people have said donate which makes me wonder if all these women would donate their embryos if it was them in this situation or if they have thought the implications through thoroughly. I am also faced with this decision and it’s not an easy one. Good luck with whatever you decide, it is an incredibly personal decision and only you can make the right choice for you. Amanda
- I’ve donated my eggs so yes I would donate embryos. I know it’s a tough decision, but it really is a beautiful thing to give someone a chance of being loving, caring parents. Kerissa
- Donate. So many women want to be mama’s… don’t let them just go to waste. Teysha
- Please donate the two little embryos! From the time fertilisation occurs a little person’s life has started. The embryo has all the biological components that is a human being. Ditty
- It’s a very complex decision to donate, I am in the same position and the realities of actually donating and knowing my children will have full blood brothers or sisters that could potentially re enter our lives at some stage is ALOT to consider, it’s hard choice. Kasey
- I personally couldn’t donate mine because I couldn’t bare having a biological child of mine somewhere in the world and not being raised by me. I would destroy or use for research. That’s just me though. Do whatever your gut tells you. I hope you find peace with your decision. Xx Kimberly
- Destroy, I couldn’t bare the thought of a child that is bialogicly mine out there. Aimee
- I couldn’t deal with someone raising my child or my kids meeting them down the track not knowing and possibly get into an unknowingly incest relationship! Its a bit of a stretch but could certainly happen! Amy
- If it was me I would love to say I’d donate but I know my reality is I could not cope with someone else raising my biological child and that child wondering why I chose to give him/her/them up… To me it’s similar to adoption. I would wait to make sure my family was complete and then donate to research. This way you can help many families in the long run. I wish you all the very best in this very difficult decision. I will pray that you will have strength not only for making the decision but for a lifetime of acceptance of that decision and people to love and support you during this time. Shell
- My mother & father used IVF & they keep the leftover eggs my mother has them in a long tube they are no longer any good as they are not frozen but she wanted to keep them to show my little sister who is a IVF baby how she was conceived. She didn’t want to donate them as she couldn’t bare the thought of someone else raising a child that is biologically hers. Kylie
- I personally wouldn’t donate because I don’t think I could handle the thought of a biological child of mine growing up with another family. I don’t think I could have them destroyed either. What a difficult situation! Samantha
- Research. Anyone can donate eggs or sperm if able too. For me donating a 100% biological sibling to your child if too personal and also risky genetically if they meet up as adult (although minimal). Personally I would always spend my life looking at other similarly aged and featured kids wondering if they were mine. If you want to help others, you could donate your unfertilised eggs without your partners sperm. Such a personal choice though so take your time. Carolyn
- My concern with donating is if the child from the donated egg meets your child without realising and they try to have a child. Megan
- It’s easy to say donate when you’re not in that situation. We always said we’d donate to help someone realise their dream but now we are faced with the same decision, it’s not so easy. The possibility that our children may have complete biological siblings out there that they may never know; that we would never raise; or that we could one day meet;… could change our lives forever. For now, we just keep forking out the money for storage everytime we get the bill because the decision is just to hard for us even though it was a no brainer pre-kids. Mei-Lin
- I have 10 biologicaly related children out there because f egg donation, no one is raising my children but me. These eggs i give away, turn into other peoples little bundles of joy to raise and love. They may be biologically related to you, but theyre not babies yet, and if theyre strong enough to make the 9 month journey, the parents of those babies would be the happiest youd ever know. Such a special gift to give, but then again, it takes very special people to donate gametes. Samantha
- It seems a lot of people aren’t realising it’s an embryo (a child of yours & your Husbands) & seem to think it’s an egg. Very personal decision. I definitely could not donate. That was my decision on instinct and after much thought. I couldn’t live with knowing that my Husband & I had a child out there. Plus you need to consider the impact on the future for everyone. It’s not a light decision to donate. Amanda
- As they’re embryos they wont have a different father. They will be yours and hubby’s bio children. Brother/sister to your 4 children. I had the same dilemma. I was worried that they might go to someone who wouldnt care for them and I was also worried about my children meeting them in the future and falling in love or something. Sounds stupid but we live in a small world, and my towns smallish to. just something to think about. We didnt have the option of donating to science but we did have the chance of a non viable transfer (where they put eggs back in but not in the cervix, at the wrong time of the month) at a cost. In the end we just took them home and planted a tree on them. Good luck in your decision. Michelle
- Donate. So many women and families out there who struggle for their dream to be fulfilled with the pitta patta of itty bitty feet. Kellymarie
- I have 6 in storage and have 3 beautiful children (uprisingly my last bubby -now 11 months old was conceived naturally). We were told by our ivf clinic that we can keep the eggs in storage in case any of our children fall ill. This is what we have decided to do. We have to pay an annual storage fee but I’m so happy to have them there just in case. Also, we had a frien who’s daughter had leukemia and we were able to offer them for stem cells as part of her treatment. Luckily she recovered without needing them but it’s definitely something to consider. Good luck in whatever choice you make. Vanessa
- I have one left. Will allow for research. I couldn’t donate an embryo to anyone as I feel any baby that is genetically mine and my husbands should be raised by us and only us. That’s just my personal opinion I love that some people don’t see it that way and hence can help others. Steph
- Research… the outcome could make an amazing contribution to the future your four children will grow up in. Hayley
- Donate. I have a beautiful 7 mth daughter after 20 cycles of IVF because some beautiful, amazing and generous couple donated their embryos. Di
- Research or destroy. I am going to be in the same predicament down the track (pregnant with my 3rd ivf, 1 still in storage) I just worry with donating down the track, what if your 2 biological children meet and you don’t even know. It could happen. Lisa
- As a soon to be mother and biology teacher, I am torn on this decision. My motherly opinion and scientific opinion are at war! The scientist in me says give to research…my motherly side is torn between donate and destroy. I, like many of the others here, agree that it would be hard knowing that I had a biological child somewhere in the world being raised by another family. But on the other hand, I think of all the families in the world that long to be parents and would give anything to have the opportunity to raise a child. Whatever decision you make, it will be what is best for you and your family! Good luck! Rebecca
- Its not that simple to just donate. As much as thats a massive gift to someome who is desperately wanting to carry a child but that child will be yours. I couldnt live with myself not knowing a child that is half me is out there. Its something so personal and only you can decide. Its an egg not an actual life so dont beat yourself up if you choose not to donate. Wish you all the luck on ur decision and a huge CONGRATULATIONS. Jacinta
- I would donate! Giving someone the chance to conceive and have a child is one of the most amazing things. Ultimately the choice is yours and you will decide the best path for you and your family! Jaylann
- Totally up to you. It’s a personal decision and I think whilst donating is a beautiful gift, it’d be something you as a woman and as a mother would have to feel 100% at peace with. Simone
- Don’t think I could personally do any of the above ;( my god that’s a real tough one! If you are ok to do either? Draw it out of a hat in the doctors office.. Sign on the dotted line n ask not to be told- if that’s possible??
It’s the only way I could do it… Really feel for you! But congratulations on number 4 – let the fun begin:) Angela
- I would like to think I could donate if I were in that position. I would however ask the parents that if the child wished to seek me out in the future for their own curiosity that they be allowed to do so. I wouldn’t seek the child out myself but I wouldn’t want the child to be prevented from the chance at knowing their background of they wished to do so. Laura
- I would wait until your 4th is born before you make a decision. Jade
- Donate – its an amazing feeling, and you can give someone the same joy you have!!! Toni
- You’ve had beautiful children, why destroy the little ones when you could donate them and give someone else a beautiful child. You would have their undying gratitude for ever. They have the potential to be someone’s heart! Who knows what those babies will grow up to do, win marathons, cure cancer? They deserve a chance at life. Adriana
- Until you have been faced with such a situation it is extremely difficult to know how you would feel. We had considered donation but both myself and my husband decided that we could not do it (despite what it would provide to another couple having difficulty conceiving) there is a whole implication legal side of things regarding contact with any children produced later in their life from your donation.. It is a very difficult decision process, and it is not just a decision you need to consider for now, it is something that may also impact on your own family in many years to come that needs to be considered. Good luck with whatever decision you make, it is a very personal and hard decision. Kristie-Anne
- I would like to say donate. But there would be a small part of me, and I know this is completely ridiculous, that would worry that my children would fall in love with my donated children. Lol. Chances are so small though. Donation is a wonderful thing though! Tiff
- I say it easy for others who are not faced with your decision, depends on what your donating to, faced with the same decisions yes decided to donate to research but very specific about their destiny, needed to be sure that fate meant that my living children hade no chance of ever falling in love with a some part of their own gene pool, go with your instinct it got you this far. Lara
- Donate to a gay/lesbian couple. Kelli
- I think a decision like this needs to be made by you personally and not by strangers who don’t know you at all on facebook… you would have emotions regarding it that we could not understand unless we had to make this decision for ourselves. Angie-Skye
- Donate. The ultimate gift for a couple who can’t conceive a baby. Tracey
