Baby Hints & Tips

Being intimate when you have a newborn

Young couple being affectionate in bed.I am really struggling to be intimate with my OH now I’m a Mum. I still think he is amazing & nothing about him has changed, it’s how I see myself. I don’t see my body as sexual now even though I know my partner sees me that way. How can I overcome this? She is 10 weeks old.

  •  My bub is 6 months n I still feel like that.   Stacey
  • Give yourself a break, bubs is only 10 weeks old! Once you’re getting more sleep, you will feel much much better.   Alex
  • It’s been 10 weeks and you think it’s all game over? give yourself time. I was still sore at 10 wks. Right now you are a milk bar for a hungry infant. You are constantly having someone on you. You are likely exhausted, sore, stressed about the new changes to your body and life and when you even start to get jiggy with it, if your child is anything like mine, the baby alarm will go off needing you. I was a zombie at 10 wks. I wanted a shower and to sleep and get out of the house and be human again. If this remotely rings true then consider yourself 100% normal. Your libido will return but right now your body cannot cope with the stress to relax enough to be turned on. *hugs* all normal.   Melissa
  • Don’t stress….my OH had to wait nearly 4 months before i was comfortable with getting intimate. I stopped breast feeding at 6 weeks due to supply issues….4 months was when i finally started getting all those weird hormones back in order. Give it time….a real man will wait fir as long as you need.   Kristin
  • My baby is 13weeks old today, exclusively breastfed & we still haven’t done the deed lol. I’m too exhausted & I don’t feel like a sexy wifey but like a 24/7 nappy changing milk machine that lives in pj’s and doesn’t even get 10mins to myself to have a shower unless hubby is home to watch bubba…    Sarah
  • We kiss, cuddle & give massages with the occasional butt pinch or boob grab just for a laugh Some hubby’s can put too much pressure on us too I think.   Sarah
  • I know what you mean! My bub is the same age and seriously, I’m feeling exactly the same.   Jessie
  • Breastfeeding actually releases a hormone that suppresses the sexual feelings and it’s nature way of allowing your body to recuperate and not produce another baby sorta like a survival thing… communication is the key hun maybe try something different or start the night with foreplay send a few texts play some games and work your way to the exciting part.   Michelle
  • You have to see yourself as sexy, amazing and all those words….. you just made another human being….what’s more sexy than that…   Joan
  • It happens unfortunately. It does go away. If your breastfeeding it can last for longer. Go get dolled up, hair done or nails done. You will feel better and may even feel sexy might change your headspace.   Annette
  • Took the words right out of my mouth! My bub is 8months old and I don’t feel sexy at all.. It takes time to get back into things.. Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling.   Tabby
  • My girl is 7 weeks and my husband has been bothering me for sex for nearly that long too. I’m finally getting my birth control on Wednesday so we will be able to but I really don’t want to..   Carli
  • My bub is 6 months and I still feel like this, has given me some relief knowing that yiu ther ladies feel the same, thank you.     Hannah
  • Be patient and ask your OH to be patient also your baby is only 10 weeks old! And your body went and still is going through lots of changes! As well as the demands and tiredness /exhaustion a new baby puts on you it’s no suprise your not feeling sexual but in time you will.   Kylie
  • May be a little out of left field, but I’d suggest organising a Pure Romance party with some girlfriends… Plenty of things that will spice things up & make you ‘excited’ for him… Do give yourself some grace though – 10 weeks so still a super fresh baby!! You’re probably exhausted & wanting sleep not hanky panky xxx   Amy
  • Oh wow give yourself some time… You need sleep Hun not sex …if he’s bugging you just ask him if he can do bottles all night and you’ll think about it tomorrow night after some sleep… By then he will be so tired from being up all night he will be over it lol   Felicity
  • My son is 13 months old and I still have no interest at all so don’t stress.   Miranda
  • It gets better, you kinda have to go for it and it comes back, I still don’t find myself attractive yet at 17 weeks but we are back on track n I know my partner still finds me sexy n you have to think that’s all that matters the rest will come.   Lucy
  • We had a talk on this at mums and bubs group today.    Taya
  • I’m still struggling my LO is 8months.   Tracey
  • I felt exactly the same and felt as though yea iv had a baby but I should also still be keeping my man happy.. I spoke to him about it and explained how I was feeling and we really just took our time was actually really fun it was like when we had first met and relearning each other in that way bub is now 6mo and I think our entire relationship is stronger and our intimate times are more intimate and fun Just go easy on yourself and speak to partner we dont give our blokes enough credit to how much they can understand us.   Cassey
  • My kids are 2 and 3 and I couldn’t think of anything worse.. haha I need help.   AShaleigh
  • Clearly there are a lot of people that feel the same way including myself. Thank u for feeling brave enough to discuss it. Great support everyone!   Michelle
  • Give yourself a break.. its ONLY been 10 weeks. You’re normal…. plus if you’re breastfeeding those feelings may not return till a few months after you stop…   Kristy
  • Sounds perfectly normal to me – your probably exhausted!   Natasha
  • My baby is 5 weeks old and I feel the same. We were intimate for the first time a few days ago and I hated it. I actually cried. I think it’s normal.   Bec
  • Seriously 10 weeks? Don’t be so hard on yourself, just enjoy your new family. I only just started to feel a bit more normal in that regard when my baby was around 10 months old!   Michelle
  • I think most of us go through it- it took us months!! Take time to look after bub and you and things will get better when the time is right x   Simone
  • Time. Give yourself time to adjust to your new life. Your body and mind will get back it’s zing soon.   Cat
  • Feeling that way at 25 weeks pregnant.. I wish I could help, but I dont even want to be touched sexually. I feel my bodies disgusting and not something I want him to have to ‘pretend he likes’ he has NEVER said anything of a sort, and tells me he loves me and thinks im stunning on a regular basis. I just dont feel pretty anymore. Strech marks, weight where I’ve never had weight.. I love my child and feeling bub kick and everything to do with pregnancy, I just dont know how to deal with this, when ive never had to before. Ive always known i was attractive, I was skinny, I had everything now I feel like I dont have anything to show him.. Im not pretty enough for him… Marlies
  • What about if you have a husband that doesn’t really understand & thinks now you have had the bub you & I will be back on track! I had one of those demanding partners many years ago…Not with him anymore!   Narelle
  • Ive felt that way since I had my first daughter 6 years ago. Now I have 4 its become less about body issues and more about my only desire being sleep lol   Rebecca
  • Completely normal!!!! It is your body doing exactly what it should. Libido is shut off so that all your energy is focused on the baby and your body repairing itself as well as producing milk if u r BF. It will definitely come back slowly and just when u start feeling more sexual…In kicks sleep deprivation! Lol. Just ask him to be patient and when u feel ready (but still low libido), start dating again and u will soon feel the “love” again. We have our own rule (both think is funny) that if it is after 9.30 don’t ask. We have a bub that gets up at 12.30 so we need a couple of solid hours to get us thru the night.   Eve
  • My baby is two now and my sex drive is still non existant! Lol     Kim
  • I think hormones have a lot to do with it too. When I was pregnant with my daughter I couldn’t get enough through pregnancy and after. I’m pregnant with a boy this time and have no real interest. After having my girl I was scared because I had an episiotomy and it was a little like losing my vaginitis again. Get some new clothes (doesn’t have to be expensive) maybe even some new pretty undies and do what makes you feel attractive – exercise, or even get dressed up like a date. I know it sounds silly but if you feel more attractive in yourself you may be more likely to get back on the horse…so to speak. Also, my hubby couldn’t touch my boobs without me milking everywhere so I had to wear a bra…and breast pads. And find a different way to do things. It’s will come back just be patient. You have had a baby. It does take a lot out of you.   Natalie
  • time time time.   Chantelle
  • My son is 1 in a week. It has only been the last few days since I stopped breast feeding that I have felt any interest. Sex was a very big part if our lives before and my oh has struggled badly.   Lisa
  • Give it time, I didn’t even consider it until 6 mths after bub was born…Claire
  • I still feel like a troll and my lo is four months. I hope you guys are right.   Patty
  • Provided you aren’t sore you could just give it a go and you might find that you get turned on during the act. We need to rest and recover but it’s still important to try to be intimate with our men to show them that they are still important too.   Tracey
  • Time, that’s the only thing that helped me. Your baby is only 10 weeks old!     Sara
  • It took me about 8 months to get back into it.   Scottie
  • It will pass!   Julia
  • Very early days, focus on bub.   Renee
  • Took me about a year to feel like it again its perfectly normal hormone changes and late night feeds interrupted sleep and more hormones changes and more interrupted sleep not eating properly cause rushing round trying to look after everyone else dotn worry about it it will come back hun xoxo   Lisa
  • It’s only been 10 weeks since you had your baby relax.   Jess
  • Im strugling our daughter is 15 months old but its been way longer then that.   Rini
  • Give yourself some time mumma. You’re being too hard on yourself xxx it’s only been 10 weeks.   Sandi
  • My bub is 2.5 n Im still like that.   Ang
  • My daughter is 5 months old and I have no sex drive whatsoever.   Dominique
  • I have a 17 month old and a 4 month old and I still feel the same way you do now.   Amy
  • Give yourself a break!!   Desiree
  • Sweetie, if its any consolation after I had bubba I gained 15 kg – on top of the 10 I had gained during pregnancy, on top of the five I already had before pregnancy. Hubby never complaint. Now I’ve lost 23kg and my husband says I’m looking a bit anorexic- which is not true, I’m well into the healthy weight range and I still could loose some more. I reckon he used to find me more attractive when I was overweight. For all you know your partner is the same. If he’s into you, forget about the way you look and try to see yourself through his eyes.   Desiree
  • I did the deed when bubs was 6 weeks. I think i did it so soon was because of my partner. He took things slow and made me relax This is something that will take time and should be openly communicated with your partner.   Pru
  • It’s early days, give it time and you will start to feel sexual again.   Lauren
  • Everyone is different but who says you need to jump straight in just relax and enjoy each others company cuddle talk laugh see the funny side of things I can remember laughing cause my boobs let down all over us and the bed haha its about learning to enjoy each other again in a new way if anything I felt it brought us closer together. just make time for each other and the rest will follow in time.   Amanda
  • It took us about 9 months or so after our son was born to give it a first attempt. He’s going to want it a lot more than you for a while – it’s natural, you just have to wait a bit until you are ready to ease back into that side of your relationship. Just be open with him how you feel.   Lauren
  • We couldnt have sex for 5 months after dd was born and still dont have it that much and shes almost a yr old!!
    The sexual feeling will return slowly (if bfing it may take a bit longer) but for me now its about being “touched out” a lot of the time especially if shes been clingy. It just takes time and a bit of effort on both sides. Sometimes you may need to push yourself to “try” it, if its a no go – fine but you might find you get into it. Only do this if your partner is happy to back off if you just cant get into it. Also remember there are more ways to be intimate than sex – hand holding, cuddles, skin to skin (dont laugh, its true!), watching a movie together, having some couple time. Remember most relationships started with no sex for a bit.   Estella
  • Don’t over think it. Talk to your partner. Read a romance novel.   Yvonne
  • I was extremely nervous to be intimate with my husband again – scared of him thinking “hey it’s extra roomy in here” & also of the pain, but hubby was a gem! He gave me a massage & it lead from there. If need be, make love either by candle light or in the dark if your self conscious by stretch marks etc & don’t feel pressured that you have to be intimate – remember that your body has just done a wonderful thing & it takes time for things to go back in place! Good luck xo     Amanda
  • The way we see ourselves has nothing to do with how our partners see us. Try and let yourself go and just enjoy the intimacy. Once you’ve done it for the first time after giving birth it gets easier.   Birthe
  • Just do it! And you will see everything is just as it used to be..!   Shea
  • Find a position that works for you. Start off in the dark, if you’re more comfortable with that. I found being on top, facing his feet worked for me as he couldn’t see or feel my flabby belly. Eventually my self confidence came back. Good luck, & don’t pressure yourself just for him. Only do it if its what you want to do.   Rachel
  • Early days babe. Very early days. In the coming few months u will feel more and more comfortable with your body and starting feeling like yourself. When you’re ready, go buy some pretty lingerie and get your hair done… That always helps! X     Joanna
  • Its such a struggle sometimes to try and be confident with your body especially after having babies my oldest is five and after her I felt great but since having babies two and three I havent felt attractive in three years im not sure if it will ever change.   Sammy
  • Mumma if your husband is as caring and as amazing as you say he’ll give you the time you need to get back to feeling sexual again. I needed time to physically recover and then my DH needed time to recover from no sleep lol ! He would go to bed and couldn’t stay awake for long enough for me to get into bed But we have a 1 year old and things have been back to normal for about 5 months but that’s not to say some times were both still to exhausted it does change things some what ! I think once your feeling up to it, maybe get bubs babysitted for a few hours and have a nice dinner put on some nice clothes and try and have some time for the 2 of you. I think what we learnt was that there wasn’t always time/energy for sex, but it was important to still have us time once bub was in bed or having bubs babysitted, which can be difficult to switch off thinking about bubs so you have to be ready and 10 weeks old your still getting used to it all. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself and talk to your hubby xoxo   Natasha
  • My bub is 6 mo and I still have no interest.     Hayley
  • Each woman is different with each baby! It took 3 months after dd was born before I had any inclination. However, after ds, it was less than 6 weeks.   Danica
  • I think it’s definitely just a matter of time. Things will eventually work it self out. It’s still only early.   Kristy
  • Holy crap 10 weeks! One word, time. I just hope he’s not making you feel bad by pressuring you.   Fee
  • It took me 6 months to ‘want’ sex again. Bubba is 7 months now and I can’t get enough lol.   Ally
  • My little girl is nearly 8 months old and I can’t see myself as sexy. Stretch marks that won’t go away and the weight I’m carrying and can’t lose don’t help but if you ask my other half I’m beautiful. I’m sure the same can be said for you.   Melanie
  • Give it time she’s only 10 weeks home.     Alison
  • It’s such an effort and if it’s not the baby wanting your body its hubby. Wemon feel connected to men through talking, men feel connected to wemon by being physically connected to her, he more than likely feels left out. Explain how you feel and tell him you will be back to it soon.   Jessica
  • With a 10wo you’d be very tired and busy! Totally normal not to be into it for a while!.   Daile
  • All of the above…. If he doesn’t understand get him to read all the comments. At least them he will know it is the same for most women…. We do like romance and that gets us in the mood…. tell him he needs to romance you gor a few weeks to help you get in the mood….Hayley
  • Give yourself time. For hubby and me, I enjoyed the hugs n kisses from hubby, we went back to we were first dating and sex was too soon. We rediscovered ourselves. I was formula feeding and my libido came back quicker. It took at least 6-11 weeks before I felt comfortable enough to be intimate. Then it took hubby and me another 3-4 weeks before we got used to being intimate again. It felt awkward at the beginning. Now, 9 months later we still go through dry spells coz of bubba n how i feel! Don’t stress, let it come naturally and it will happen. Make sure you talk to your OH so he knows that he just needs to be patient. Start with intimate touches and little kisses and go slowly.   Regine
  • Give it time, uv got a bubba to look after, don’t feel guilty, this is completely normal, ur body has gone thru a massive trauma, u need time to heal. I went thru the same thing with all 4 of mine, my husband was completely understanding and very patient. We now have 4 Kids, so we got our mojo back! Goodluck, there’s so much emotion with having a baby, enjoy this special time!   Perri
  • I felt the same way, until my son started sleeping through at 4 weeks, and I’d 2 weeks of straight 7 hrs sleep (could have been 8 but I had to express) but even with the missing hr, I still felt well rested, I also explained to my partner how I was feeling about myself and he understood, so when that time came it was AMAZING! I’m not going to lie, 18mths PP now, and there is still times that I feel like that, and when I honestly think about it, it’s during periods of time I’m not sleeping properly because our son is either starting a new teething faze (he’s a multi teether, so it happens a lot), having a bad time with his asthma, sick, or having a patch of night terrors, but once I start getting regular sleep again, you couldn’t stop us!   Erica
  • Very early days. I found the same thing esp afta my 1st. We had some intimacy issues for quite a few months but we got there eventually. We now have 2 gorgeous girls n to b honest we have good patches n.. ah.. dry spells. Swings n roundabouts… it will be ok u just have to try n explain to him that its not him ur hormones r juat all iver the place and ur finding it hard to feel sexy or even awake enough to b bothered.   Lisa
  • Dont stress too much…. You only had a baby 10 weeks ago!! It took my partner and I a good 4 months till I felt comfortable and sexual after having our boy. But I had a very bad third degree tear (nearly a four) so I wasnt able to do anything for at least 2-3 months.   Give yourself time and maybe try some of the things you did before you had your bub that made you feel good…. Mine is getting my hair coloured, it always makes me feel really good about myself… Or even just straightening it at home.   Amanda
  • Look after yourself and you’ll get your mojo back. Sleep deprivation doesn’t help either. Give yourself time, your body is repairing itself from such a huge strain.   Elana
  • I’m sure you will get through! My bubs is the same age. It’s new for us having a bubs etc. organise a Getaway that’s what I’m planning with hubby lol   Paula
  • U will feel like that sweety i went through it at the start but it gets easier, i still go through it now and mu baby is five and a half months now but i find i am just to tired by the end of the day to be intimate but i can relate to you.   Codrina
  • Still early. I was the same and when I finished breastfeeding it was so much easier to have relations. Good to have my body back.   Lisa
  • Take your time. A lot of things have to shift back. Including emotions.   Danie
  • It’s so hard to have sex when u don’t feel sexy… Had my first bub 11 weeks ago… Was so paranoid about my bits afterwoods… And because I bf the first time was a milky mess… Funny though… Try making love instead of having sex… Have lots and lots of forplay.. Even if it doesn’t lead to the real deal… Lots of little steps to make u feel like a woman again, rather then just a mother, because u are both and it’s beautiful! Xx   Krystal
  • I still struggle with this every day and out daughter is 3. I am getting better though as my husband goes out of his way to tell me and show me everyday that he thinks I’m beautiful.   Breeanna
  • You will overcome it… Just can take longer for some than others… Nothing to be worried about… Maybe encourage him to do some chores around the house that always helps me feel that way haha.. If not just be patient there will probably that special moment at some stage n you won’t let him go!   Angela
  • My son is now 8 months an ive only just started to get my mojo back.. i think it has only started since i had my monthly ‘friend’ back just recently.   Tina
  • Give it time. .   Kristine
  • what your feeling is normal but just remember your partner loves you and you only had your baby 10 weeks ago.   Leanne
  • My daughter is nearly 2 years old and I dont feel like sex at all.   Amanda
  • First of all you need to talk to your OH and make sure that he understands that your feelings are totally natural for a new mum with such a young bub. A new mum is so busy and tired that even if she wanted so intimacy she probably wouldn’t have the time and energy. In saying that make sure there is lots of hugs and kisses and I love yous so he knows that the love is there and the intimacy will return in time. And when you are feeling more that way inclined take it slow. Lots of foreplay. Our bodies are very different after a baby so take it nice and slow until you are feeling comfortable with yourself and with the intimacy. Good luck with your new family. Xx   Teresa
  • Give it more time.   Amy

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  1. AvatarDee says:

    My boy is 10 months and I have no desire at all! Having a baby is such a strain on a relationship! Added pressure for sex just makes it worse! It’s really though for my partner because we were the exact opposite before I got pregnant! I try for him though