I’m not here to change your beliefs; I just want to explain how I ended up in Church last Sunday with my baby, Mr X and the girl he left me for; and I was happy about it.
I like to think of myself as a person with high faith, although I was never always like that. At one point in my adolescence, I stopped believing in God. My faith was restored one afternoon when a beautiful friend of mine (let’s call her Miss A) passed away far too early in her life. This happened at the same time as a bad break up.
Some might argue; “Why did God take her life? Why does he let bad things like this happen? Is he even real?” The way I see it, everything happens for a reason. As sad as the moment of her passing was, she became the reason I turned back to God. Both her and my faith was what got me through my bad break up. Miss A touched my life. Even though she knew she was sick, and that death was inevitable; she still carried on with effortless beauty and dignity. She was everything I wanted to be; or more, what I envisioned my children to be like.
Growing up, I was never taken to Church, the most exposure I got was going to a religious school (sadly, this is what turned me against my faith). So when I fell pregnant with my little Tessa, I knew I wanted to give her this exposure of Church. She deserves the choice to go, to experience a community that is so passionate, and to feel loved by not only her family, but by a higher power.
I set to work organising the special day of her Christening, pretty much right after giving birth. This gave me a positive distraction from her father and his demands. He said he wanted to be involved, so one weekend while he was visiting I took him to Church with me to introduce him to the minister. It was one of the most awkward moments explaining our situation to him. I felt like we were going to be shunned, however he gracefully welcomed us and set a date for the big day.
I asked Mr X who he wanted to invite, and he replied with his family… and his new girlfriend (who had not met Tessa yet). My stomach dropped. I didn’t want to bring her into my child’s life, everything about her seemed dirty to me. How was I going to handle this with grace? I had to ask myself: ‘What would Miss A do?’
The answer was simple; she would have welcomed her happily with arms wide open. That was what was so beautiful about Miss A, she loved everyone no matter their flaws or weaknesses. Despite everyone telling me I should say a big fat ‘NO!’ to allowing her to be a part of Tessa’s day…I reluctantly agreed to her coming along.
I had a meeting set up with the minister the week before the big day. He sat me down and we talked about what was going to happen on the day; about me, Tessa and our little situation. He was still a little confused on Mr X’s involvement in Tess’ and my life; so I clarified that, although we don’t love each other and I really don’t trust him as a person, we both would do anything to protect our little girl and we are both determined to make things work as adults to make things easier for her. He seemed content with that. He prayed for us, blessed us, and said that God is always looking out for us even when it might not seem like it. Big things are destined for little Tessa and myself.
I had arranged to meet Mr X’s new girlfriend the day before the Christening to break the ice. I was terrified; terrified of what she would do and say, but mostly of what I would say. In the end, I really don’t know what I was worried about. It was one of the easiest things I have done in my life. I can’t really put my finger on why though, it just was.
That night, a girlfriend of mine helped me throw pink streamers and balloons all over my house. It looked beautiful and I can’t thank her enough. The table was prepared, the cake ready to go (after many efforts to make it perfect, it finally was), and it was one a.m.
They say your wedding day is one of the most beautiful and magical days of your life; it is also one of the days where everything is bound to go wrong. If the morning of Tessa’s Christening is anything to go by, my distant wedding day will be beautiful, magical, and full of vomit and diarrhoea After a long morning of cleaning, making coffee, keeping a one year old out of a toilet bowl, getting ready, dressing three kids and being told I have old lady perfume (I thought Chanel No. 5 was classy?), we were ready to leave. Tessa saw this as the perfect opportunity to vomit all down the back of my dress, but after a quick fix we were on our way. Half way there, my car was slowly perfumed with something much worse than Chanel No. 5. Hello baby diarrhea. Thankfully it was only a minor setback!
The service was beautiful. It was everything I imagined it would be although I cried half way through as if I was watching a Nicholas Sparks movie. As soon as the minister mentioned how Mr X, Tess and I have a rather unorthodox relationship, the tears started. Not because I was upset, but because it made me remember how lucky my child is to have been brought into this world with so much love, a roof over her head, food and the chance to thank God even in her unorthodox family. This innocent little girl has everything going for her. And she has the support of our close friends and family, with most travelling four hours to celebrate her life that day.
The tears equaled a proud mummy moment. I like to think Miss A would be proud of me, hopefully one day my little girl will also agree.
Who is Louise? I’m a first time mum to my beautiful little Tessa. Every day I excitedly look forward to her smiles and developments while trying to hold it together as a single parent. I’m here to let you know how I’m honestly handling this scary but amazing life changing new direction in life. I’m hoping you can all relate and I’m not just going crazy! To see all of Louise’s articles, click here.