Baby Hints & Tips

Considering abortion

considering abortionMy husband and I just found out that we are pregnant with baby No.2. Baby no. 1 is 14 months at the moment. We always thought that we will have another baby when she is 3 years old. But it has happened now. My husband is the go with the flow person. But I like to be practical. The cons have outweighed the pros and I was really not happy when the home pregnancy test was positive. I would like to know what other mums views are on abortion and has anyone been in this situation before. Please no judging. I’m desperate for some advice.

**Please only offer helpful, supportive, non-judgmental comments that answer this specific question. Any comments that do not fit this criteria will be deleted.

  • I had an abortion 2.5 years ago, and although I’ve had moments of ‘regret’, I know it was the right decision for me at the time. I believe that no one has the right to judge and if you feel it’s what you need to do then that’s your call. I have a 6 month old and am pregnant again. Personally, after my first bub I probably wouldn’t have an abortion, because I know that I’ve coped with my first, so believe I’ll be able to do it again (even though I know how hard it can/ will be). But I don’t know your circumstances and no one here does. Do what is right for you and don’t let anyone make you feel like what you’re doing is wrong (if that’s what you choose). On the other hand, congratulations and all the best if you decide otherwise :) – B
  • This is a real tough one…me personally I couldn’t possibly consider aborting a child after experiencing a miscarriage, and having a healthy bub now 9 months old I can appreciate the miracle of life. I look at my daughter and I feel so blessed to have her in my life. I can appreciate how some parents take this route for medical reasons.. I would talk to your husband and doctor while contemplating your decision, they are probably the best people to discuss this with as together they know you inside and out. Thinking of you, hoping you get the support you need either way – Sarah
  • I had my baby no1 then five yrs to the day baby no2, 10 and a half months later baby no3 & then 3 yrs later baby no4!
    we were desperate for our 2nd baby from 2&1/2 yrs after no1. A 5yr break was not planned…. but neither was a ten n half month gap between 2&3! i was sooo shocked- i could not believe we were due a bub when there was already a new one in my arms. Well, my husband was thrilled each n evey time!! Like you, i was thinking about practical issues {eg.$. or what if something goes wrong etc.} we had our baby, abortion didn’even come into our minds- it was a strapping 9pound 8ounce boy! a son. hard, horrid labour but wow he was a little man!! after two wonderful daughters and my family full of girls! My hubby & i made a deal that if no2 cried for nappy or feed thru nite- he’d get up and i’d go to new baby boy. Life was sooo busy but beaut. now they are 17, 12, 11 & 8. the closest of them all are the two born closest. even thigh a boy n girl- greatest of mates. they understand each other so well & we wouldnt change a thing. You are really only out of your family plan by a wee bit. what’s meant to be will be. completely for you n your hubby to decide. i have miscarried but never terminatied. i have a few friends that have and they all never forgot their decision. their reasons were so varied. you really seem like you have valid points but if you are married n planned to do so soon anyway i am sure it will work out xhugz good luck :) – Linda T
  • That’s definitely something a lot of women are afraid of, getting pregnant soon after having a baby, but at the end of the day you can read everyone’s responses on here in what they’ve done or what they think you should do but only you can make this decision, and I don’t think anyone else’s experiences should make a difference to your situation. Every person and their opinion and their life are different from yours. Me, personally, after having a child I couldn’t go through with an abortion knowing what we created in our now little boy, id be imagining what was inside of me…boy? Girl? What do they look like. I would be filled with regret and sadness and lots of other things if I terminated. But that’s just me. In saying that, I have had an abortion before, I was living in a foreign country and had unprotected sex and was realllly bad timing. I think about it all the time now, now that i have a son, I wonder ….. Such a hard position to be in and I’m sure you’ll decide on what’s best for your family. Good luck! – Emma
  • I have four kids 2 of which are twins. I’ve always said that I didn’t want children to close together as I like to spend quality time with my baby, that is until I was told I was having twins. That throws that idea through the door. I have a boy who is older than the twins. He was 7 at the time. I didn’t have a choice I had to have to close together fate chose that for me. What I’m getting to is sometimes things don’t go as we planned for it to, but for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. Finding yourself unexpectedly pregnant is hard butyou will get through it. Life throws some curve balls to test us. I think this test you will get 100 percent in.you have to believe in yourself and know that you can do it. – Melanie
  • I have been in the same situation, I chose to abort my second pregnancy, Iv never regretted it. The times I did think about it I usually thought how id be no where near where I am today & would have had less one on one time with my child. U r the only person who knows your full situation though so it is entirely up to u n ur hubby. – Billie
  • My husband and I were in a very similar situation very recently. I am currently 29wks pregnant with number 2, our daughter is only 10.5 mths old. We always wanted a couple of children but not immediately. When I found out we were pregnant again I felt awful, I handed the stick to my husband and went and apologised to my little girl who was fast asleep in her cot. Neither my husband or I were very happy about it. We looked into abortion, something I never thought I would do and switched between aborting and continuing with the pregnancy over and over. It came down to one thing for us, i researched abortion stories and was not comfortable with how many said they felt like they were missing something afterwards or that they lived to regret it for one reason or another. I didn’t want to run that risk, if we ended up with all girls one day would I worry that I had terminated what could have been a little boy, what if we went to have another child in a few years and couldnt ect ect. we both new that no matter how hard it was going to be with two so close and no matter how many plans we had to change we both new we would be happy about the baby when it came. It took a long time to tell anyone about the pregnancy and an even longer amount of time to feel happy and excited. I still look at our little girl and am sad i am losing her as my baby but I am happy to be giving her a friend for life and am looking forward to watching them grow up together. I am not religious but i do believe that somtimes, as good as your plans may be, someone else may have a better plan for you. Good luck with your decision. – Stacey
  • Don’t do it!!!! I’m not saying that out of judgement, it’s something that will stay with you for life. You will regret it :( . Just think, once the baby is here you will love it. You will look into those beautiful eyes and be so so so happy and proud of yourself that you decided to keep it. You won’t regret it then. It might be hard but you will be glad to have it. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation and I understand the turmoil you must be going through. Good luck. Email me if you want to chat about it. All the best. – Nat
  • Our family has definitely not turned out the way we planned it too. After having our first we were planning to wait two or so years to have number 2. However we fell pregnant when she was only 4 mths old and our son was born at 34 wks, 5 days before our dds first birthday! I cried for a few months after finding out we were pregnant but that little boy was meant to be part of our family. He was born with the cord 3 times tight round his neck and lucky to survive. We then felt ready to try for number 3 and she was born at 36 wks and was never able to take her first breathe, she was basically born and died. This happened only 2 weeks ago, so everything is still so surreal, but I was the only one who was privileged to feel her alive inside me. It’s hard for me to understand that even though she never lived a day, so was so alive before she was born and even before I felt her moving. I would give anything to hold that little girl! Please give yourself the chance to meet this little person who is so much alive already. – Chantelle
  • I was in ur situation about a year ago with my 3rd I had an abortion, it was my decision my partner supported me and would have supported me if I decided to keep it. Everyone women has the right to make up her own mind when it comes to having an abortion, at the end of the day u need to do what u believe is going to be best, for u and ur family. I’ve actually had 3 abortion, I was forced into aborting my first pregancy when I was 18 yrs at the time I hated everyone who pushed me to do it, but I couldn’t see what everyone else did and I clearly wasn’t ready to become a mother. I regret it at first, I use to play rhe what if game with myself and wonder about what it look like ect, I would get so upset, but as time went on I stop thinking about it all together but I did promise myself I’d never have another abortion. 10 years later I find out I’m preg with my son he was a complete accident but I was ready to take on motherhood. Just over a years later another complete accident I’m preg with my daughter I wasnt sure if I could take on another baby since my son was only 1 he was 20 months when my daughter was born, abortion crossed my mind a few times but something inside was telling me not to, so i listen and had my her. About 9 months after I get the terrible new I’m knock up again and the first and only though was abortion, I have never regretted my decision I knew it was the best thing to do it would have been incredibly selfish of me to bring another baby into the world when my daughter was still a baby she desevered to have her baby time with me, and last year I got a mirena put in and had complication with it ended up knock up, and once again my first thought was abortion, I had no regrets after. Well to cut my long story short, at the end of feb this year I was sick and I couldnt shake it, so I went to my dr the last thing on my mind was pregancy but yep I was, the funny thing was abortion didn’t cross my mind this time, so I took it as a sign that I’m ready for bub 3. I guess when u know u know. – Kelly
  • I fell pregnant with my second when my first was that age. Not planned. My second is now 4 months so where still in the throes of the madness! But I have to say its been much easier than I expected (and my first has a chronic disease so is quite demanding) in fact as I type the eldest is playing with the baby and he is loving it. I would have thought my toddler was too young to bond but it’s definitely not the case. – Audrey
  • I have a almost 4 year old, 2.5 year old & 9 month old, and I am 25 weeks pregnant. My 3rd child will be 12-13 months old when bub 4 is born. Although this pregnancy wasn’t planned, hubby & I were both extremely happy to find out about it. If your husband is happy about your pregnancy, and if he is going to support you throughout your pregnancy and after the birth, to me I don’t know why you would even consider abortion. Your baby already has a heartbeat. I don’t mean to be harsh, but there are risks with abortion, and I ask you to please read up on how having an abortion can impact further pregnancies. – Rebecca
  • The choice is entirely personal of course – but it depends on what your cons are! You will likely regret choosing abortion if your concerns for now are materially based as later down the track they won’t matter any more. If you are having troubles coping with your lo now, or relationship troubles etc then that would be a different story. I am pro choice, but I have known several women who have had abortions and not one who felt it was the right decision – my sister had one 13 years ago and is still suffering from depression because of it now – she chose to abort as her children were too close together and her and her partner were having financial troubles. In your cons list have you added the slight medical risks you face that may lead to no more children? My sister has not been able to fall preg again despite being in a better situation and desperately wanting more children. In the end you need to do what is right for you and your family, but it is a huge decision so discuss it with your hubby and be clear and sure before you go ahead =) – Renee
  • I am pro choice – I have been in a similiar situation, after falling pregnant on the pill and I did make the decision to terminate. I do not regret my decision at all – does this make me a terrible person? No. I was able to recognise that is was not the right time and like you the cons far outweighed the pros (for many reasons) It wasn’t an easy decision but once I made it I was at total peace with it. No one can tell you what is right or wrong for you, it is such an individual and personal choice, yes you need to consult with your husband but I’m sure if he knew how much turmoil you were feeling he would understand and support you. I wish you the very best with your decision – remember it is yours to make, so own it, don’t have it forced upon you. – Asleigh
  • I am a mum of 9 with 7 of them being at home the eldest being 8 years old. Did we find it hard the short answer is Yes. My husband had the snip and a year and a half later I fell pregnant with our ds (yes it didn’t work!). With the money side of things if u budget properly and u make ur own dinner etc and don’t buy take ways then u can live quite cheaply. Our shopping bill is about $150/ fortnight for all of us and we eat really well. My friend had a baby naturally after needing to have IVF when her baby was only 18 months old (she fell pregnant when bubs was 9 months old) the kids r now so close. With ours there is only 11 months between 2 of them. At the end of the day hun the decision is yours but if u say it is for financial reasons one extra kid really is not going to make a difference – Mum of 9
  • I got pregnant unexpectedly with our second child when our first was 14 months old. It was a shock so I understand where your head is at right now. We had planned to start trying when our first was around 2 years old so #2 came around about a year earlier than anticipated. I do have to say though that having a 14 month old is a lot different to having a 2 year old (which is what your first child will be once #2 is born). They really are a lot easier at 2 years old. I am not saying it is all roses. It is bloody hard work having 2 kids under 2 but I don’t regret it. The older they get the more grateful I am at having them close together. Can I ask what you think the cons are from your point of view?? Maybe others will be able to advise on those cons to give you another perspective?
  • I am completely pro-choice and ultimately the decision is for you and your husband to make but I just wanted to say that having been in that same situation is really is not as bad as you think it may be. And you seem to want a second child at some point – they have just come along a little earlier than anticipated. – Sara
  • I am so sorry for you in this situation have never been in it like has been said really it is up to you other people have said some great advice i want to tell you about my mother she had my sister and i there are 2 years apart than she found out she was pregnant with another 11 months apart we are .my father was not like your husband my father said get rid of it went to the doctor he gave my father a pill for my mother to take she did not she had my brother my father was so happy he apologized to my mother .It depends what the cons and pros are ,are they just the age of the other myself i would go through with having the child but if there is other information.Really it is your body and mind and really it is up to you and your husband but would seek advise from Doctor. hope this helps you good luck in your decision  – Sue
  • After being in a similar situation with abortion and I went with it, there is not a time that I don’t regret it. Now having two who are two years apart, wouldn’t change it for the world.its your choice but just make sure your doing it for all the right reasons if you choose not to go ahead with the pregnancy.this baby chose you for a reason  – Tamara
  • I think you need to consider your husbands feelings before you do anything. You said he’s a ‘go with the flow’ guy, but I’m sure he has his own feelings about this. When you think about it practically, you were to try for another one anyway in about 22 months. Take nine months of the pregnancy from that, and you’re left with 13 months. Does it really make much of a difference if this baby is born a mere 13 months before you’d have started trying again anyway? ­– Nbosman
  • I am pro choice, if its for the right reasons. You have a good home life, the only problem is timing? Could you imagine life without your 14month old? What makes this baby any less precious? How will you feel in 9 months when you should be taking home another beautiful baby but you’re not? Sure it might be hard at first having 2 babies, but they’ll be close in age and forever in life. If you think you’ll resent the baby, if you think you may get depression or not be able to cope with 2, if it will affect your family so badly that it won’t be a happy home for the baby, then abort it. If you can live with the decision for the rest of your life. I currently have a 4 month old baby and it took me 3yrs to fall pregnant with him, if I fell pregnant right now I would keep it, even though I have pnd and have had an abcess in my breast for 3 months due to breastfeeding.  – Destiny
  • I know a few woman who have gone down that path and not one of them have been ok with it later they all live wondering what that baby would be like and who that little person would have been, one of them went onto have a very very sick baby and had to live with the fact she may have aborted a healthy baby to have a sick one a year later. The timing might not be ideal that first year will be tough (my number 2 was born when my first was 16.5months) she’s now 8 months they are forming friendships and I love the fact they will be close in age always in the same age limit etc. No one but you and your husband can choose what you do, but its not something I would ever do  – Jess
  • About two months ago I had a scare my daughter was only 8 months at the time and when i thought i was pregnant with baby number two i was devistated as there was no way financially that we could support our selves and have two kids. Abortion crossed my mind several times with could i do that and the only thing that swayed me was how can i decided to keep My first child and then let go of my second and i think had i have been pregnant I would have been struggled to get over that thought before i could go through with it. I always said its never a good time to have kids they just happen. I hope that you feel that you make the right choice if the cons out weigh the pros then you need to do what you think is right not what other people say. Prior to having my first when we were younger we always said if i fell before we were ready then we would abort but now i don’t think I could make that choice – Anon
  • I had an abortion little over 3 years ago my situation was alot different to u as i was only with the father for 3 months but i believe that having a termination is a personal choice and is up to both u and ur husband to decide – Alison
  • Do what feels right for you. By the time baby 2 comes though, baby 1 will be 2 already. I know it is not aged 3 like you wanted but what is to say that you will be able to fall pregnant again when you want to? How would you feel baby 1 was 4 or older? Whichever way you go, maybe consider some counselling. – Louisa
  • No one can walk in your shoes, this decision should be based on what you believe, how you feel and your own situations. We all can be so quick to judge others, don’t allow other people’s opinion to sway you. You need to go with your heart and your head. I know how much these can conflict sometimes, I have been in your shoes more than once, and walked a different path each time, each with their positives and negatives. I have had an abortion and I won’t lie when I say it was a difficult decision to make and one I think about often. There are days I fel like I guilt myself into thinking I had made the wrong decision, and it is very easy to read others opinions and feel guilty for my choice, but then I look around me, realise that in the big scheme of things I know I did what was right for at that time. I had lots of am I doing the right think prior to having it done and lots of can I take it back lots of heart strings being pulled in Every direction. But I know in my heart and my head know that since then I have grown, I have learnt so much and I am a better person, wife and mother now and what I have to offer my children now in ten fold. I know it’s easy to say you just make do when another comes along, and you know people do make do financially and find enough love to share amongst all their kids, but dont let that be your on,y reason for going ahead with the pregnancy. If you have spent time thinking about all the pros and cons you will know what decision you want to make, while neither will easier one will just feel right. Now I know using the term feeling right might upset others as some will think its not right to have an abortion, but this is your life and as long as you know you can look back and feel like you did the best thing for you and your family at the time then don’t let others tell you your a wrong… Go with your heart and your head and know the decision that you make is yours and no one else’s business. Good luck – K
  • Personally, I couldn’t go through with it after having one child already! I have a 7wo DS and my hubby and I have a plan as to when we want the next one, however if it happens before I am ready, to me it would just be the universe telling me I am ready for another!! ­ – Anon
  • I have had one about 8 months before I fell with my now daughter. At the time it was exactly Wright for us, like you the cons of having a baby out weighed the pros. However there is a part of me that to this day still has a bit of regret. – Meg
  • Surely it doesn’t matter what others views on abortion is, only what your view on it is. If this is not right for you and your family right now then it may be the way to go. If you feel like you can handle it, physically, emotionally and financially, although it’s not quite on your planned schedule, then have the baby. It is hard having 2 so close in age at first but they grow up so close. My daughter was 2 1/4 when my son was born and they are best friends. Talk to your husband, get advice from him and from close family and friends, you don’t need advice from strangers, if you are still doubtful (about having an abortion) after having a indepth talk with your partner, then I think that tells you that you shouldn’t go ahead with an abortion, you really need to be 110% sure to go ahead, it’s a huge thing to go through. – Kirsty
  • I think if it is the right decision for you then it is the right thing. I had a termination 7 years ago because I did not believe I was in the right place in life to be caring for a child. I firmly believe that I made the right choice for myself and my unborn baby and I have never regretted the choice that I made and now have a 2 1/2 year old and one on the way. Don’t let what others think stop you from making the right choice for you and yours. But please do make sure that you have thought it through completely and you are educated about the process before you go ahead with it. Good luck and hugs to you! – Trisha
  • I have had an abortion previously and it is entirely up to you and your partner, if you believe that a baby is not possible due to financial or emotional circumstances right now then you are probably right. Having the baby because you feel you have to will not be beneficial to anyone. – Kate

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