Baby Hints & Tips

PND, Sleep Deprivation and a 7 month old

depressed mum***Please only reply to the question asked if you have something helpful to offer***

 

Hi there, I have a 7mo baby and I am currently suffering some depression which is being treated. She is not a great sleeper and I struggle badly with broken sleep and deprevation and I find it very very difficult to “sleep when baby sleeps”. I have her at a family daycare 2 days per week to help me out with both my business (small home business) and allows me to get the house sorted and to be truthful, have some sleep once that’s all done. I am still struggling a great deal and I am considering one more day of daycare. I feel extremely guilty about this and I truly don’t want to do it but I just feel that in my current state it’s the only option I have I find it physically difficult to entertain and hold her all the time and she does not sleep well during the day and is up at 5-6am. I have many days that I just cry myself to sleep as I just can’t deal with being so tired and so down. So my question is… Do you think daycare 3-4 days per week for a 7.5mo is too much? It is only her and two girls who are 3yo and sometimes another baby 5mo. Do any mummies have their bubs in daycare 3-4 days per week at this age? Do you think I’m being selfish by needing this time to tend to home and business and more importantly trying to get myself right or do you think I should just suck it up and get over it? Really battling with this decision… Any advice would be awesome xo Tia

  • Has mummy considered Karitane to help with bubs sleeping patterns. I did this myself and whilst we still have the odd bad night we have plenty more good. Sleep deprivation is hard for anyone to handle. Talk to other mummies and you may find your not alone and can build a support network. Good luck mummy and remember your bub loves you unconditionally. . Rachael
  • I too suffer depression and understand the roller coaster it can feel like your on at the best of times let alone while trying to maintain a household and care for a demanding bubba. No 1 suggestion is to imagine you were talking to your best friend and she told you this what would you say ? I’m sure you are so hard on yourself and yet you seem like you are very caring and kind thinking of others including your little one. The best advice I was ever given in regards to my depression and dealing with everything there is to do as a mother and a housewife, is that in order to be there for the house to be clean, work to be done and bubs to be cared for, you have to be at your best, so taking care of you is taking care of bubs and everything else. The other thing is the house can wait ! Many bubbas are in daycare for numerous different reasons by 7 months and I’m sure bubs will have great care and some fun playing with some other kiddies while you get yourself feeling more on top of it. I’m sure you’ve probably tried everything for bubs but if you haven’t looked into sleep school I would highly recommend giving it a go cause my son was having lots of trouble sleeping and at 7 months we went and I’ve never looked back as it helped dramatically and as you probably know not getting enough sleeps impacts your mood more than anything. I’m thinking of ya mumma be kind to yourself xoxoxox Natasha
  • You are not being selfish, it’s a hard decision but it sounds like it might be good for you to have an extra day where she is in care. I have been thinking of doing the same as my now 13 mth old doesn’t sleep well day or night and hasn’t since 10 weeks old. I to have cried myself to sleep for most of the eleven months. She goes to day care now 2 days and although I hate leaving her I think it is good for both of us. I miss her and can be more patient and a better mum when she is with me. You could always try it and see how it works for you. My little monkey sleeps for day care! Don’t be hard on yourself. I’m sure you are doing the best you can and that fact you are concerned about putting her in an extra day just shows you are a mum who cares. Good luck, you are not alone in the sleep deprivation battle/struggle. Best wishes. Stephanie

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  1. Avatartaya says:

    My 5.5Mo is in daycare 3 days a week so I don’t think there is an issue with your bub doing it.

    I hope you feel better soon. Xox

  2. Avatarkellie says:

    I think you should do what suits you best and helps you! You sound like you are struggling and need a bit of extra help.. Plus it’s not like you just drop her off and pick her up 3-4 days later.. Do whatever you need to do 🙂 once you get on top of things again you can re consider xxxx good luck

  3. AvatarAllyce says:

    I don’t think its selfish. You need to take care of yourself in order to be the best mum you can be. I’m about to go back to work full time because financially I don’t have any other choice and my son is only 4 months old. I feel incredibly guilty but you need to do what you feel is best for you and your family. If she likes going I think that’ll make it easier too 🙂

  4. AvatarTeagan says:

    Your child needs you and if putting her into care helps you to be there for her and cope better then it’s the right thing to do. Sleep deprevation isn’t kind. My first had sleeping issues and we ended up at sleep school which was exactly what we both needed. He’s now a perfect sleeper. I suffered from PND and anxiety and I am a firm believer that lack of sleep can make both issues worse. We also later discovered he had food allergies so they attributed to some of his rough nights. Hang in there. Do what you can and don’t push yourself for more xx

  5. AvatarJess Dennis says:

    Looking after yourself in order to look after your child is nothing to feel guilty about. If the extra day of childcare is what you need to give your child your best, then that’s what you should do. Your health is just as important as your child. Your child may lose out on time with you, but what is better? Quantity time or quality time?
    I can’t tell you what to do, but I bet you’re doing a great job at being a mum for your lil one.

  6. AvatarKaren says:

    No I think that 3 days is fine, for your own mental health it would be good. You don’t have to do it forever if and when your feeling better you may decide to not have her in 3 days. I had my daughter in care 2 days from 6 months and 3 by about 8 or 9 months she if perfectly fine and thrives on it.

  7. AvatarShazzz says:

    Yes I do think its too much for a baby that age. They are only this little once. I’m so sorry you are battling PND, I am there as well. Could you perhaps stop the business for a while instead, so thats one less stress off your shoulders? Personally I would rather do away with my work than put my child into more care. Can your husband step up and help you around the house more? Just because he works fulltime is not an excuse for him to leave it all to you (and seriously you have PND, he needs to step up and help if he isnt). Do you have family that can come around and help? Can you look into getting a cleaner in once a week or fortnight to help? Personally I would exhaust all the other options before putting bub into more care. And I am battling sleep deprivation & PND & having just recently moved 3hrs from all family help. I find spending as much one on one time with my kids to actually lift my mood heaps too (I forget about everything else that needs doing when I have bad days/weeks). I would also head back to your doctor and tell him your treatment isnt working and can they do more for you (dont be afraid to go onto medication, its the best thing I ever did) Best of luck mumma, you are doing an awesome job <3 <3

  8. AvatarSara says:

    In my opinion you need to look after yourself in order to be able to look after your baby properly. I am sorry I am not speaking from experience as I was lucky enough not to have to put my children in care as babies, my youngest has just turned 4 and she goes to daycare 2 or more days a week and sometimes has a day or 2 and even a night with family due to work commitments. I think if you put your child in care for 3-4 days a week you will be able to enjoy the other 3-4 days more. You need to do what is right for you and your family. I hope things improve for you.

  9. Avatarliz says:

    Firstly congratulations on being an awesome mum & getting the help you need. its hard work with a bub that doesn’t sleep and trying to work & clean & try maintain a balance.
    Secondly put your bub in that extra day, you can always reduce your days at daycare once bub is a bit more settled and you’ve gotten the rest you need. Being a mum can be hard sometimes and we all struggle (don’t let the clean clothes and make up fool you)
    You are a good mum, IMO, a good mum looks after everyone’s welfare & doing this shows that. Don’t beat yourself up if the beds not made, just remember this way it saves you having to put the crinkles back in the sheets tonight.

  10. Avatarcharlei says:

    NoT selfish at all pop her in the extra day then maybe once the fog clears you can drop a day. It’s hard when your tired & depressed to cope you have to look after you for the sake of her. Chin up it does get easier I promise I’ve been there & it’s tough 🙂

  11. Avatargrace hanna says:

    Not selfish at all- if it’s going to help you get more rest then u will be a better mummy when she is around. Personally I don’t use child care till my babies are 3.. But I’m not suffering as you are so my advice – do it! Better than being depressed and tired all day then you won’t enjoy Her at all

  12. AvatarMichelle says:

    To be a good mummy, you first need to take care of yourself. Do whatever it is you need to help get yourself in a good place. If you’re feeling good then your little one will benefit so much from that. You’re already such a good mum for worrying about your little one and looking at options to look after your needs as well as hers.

  13. AvatarAlice says:

    You are doing an amazing job mumma. I’m planning on putting my 6 month old in for 3 days of day care. I think it’s good for her to interact with people/babies and not spend all her time with me. I think you should do whatever you need to help with your PND & lack of sleep.

  14. AvatarKeryn says:

    It is so hard!! My little guy (now 9 months) doesn’t sleep well and I remember at the 7-8 month mark it was horrific!
    If you are not too sure about adding another day of day care could you look into a family member/friend/night nanny coming over to your place as bub wakes up 430/5ish and they can take her until the first nap and let you sleep?
    I found with horrible nights and not being able to sleep during the day being able to start my day a few hours later (9amish) I was able to function a whole lot better.
    If adding day care will help you feel more on top of things and ‘together’ then that can only benefit you and your bub in the long run!
    Good luck!!

  15. AvatarMelissa says:

    Hey Hun,
    My little one will being going to daycare in February as I will be returning to work. She will be 5 months old and will be going for 3 days. Nothing wrong with doing what is right for you and Bub. You are both equally number one and you need to look after yourself. Don’t ever feel like you are a bad mum because you are putting your little one in daycare. A happy and healthy mum makes for a happy and healthy baby so do what is right for you to get back on top of things. Don’t worry Bub will be fine.
    Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk. Chin up xxx

  16. Avatarumeka says:

    My bub went to daycare at 6mo for 3 days a week, and i returned to work. You arent being selfish you are being sensible! Could you put her in for a couple of half days, just the afternoon so you can have a nice time in the morning then a chance to rest etc in the arvo before doing the evening routine?

  17. AvatarRachael says:

    It’s a hard one you need time to do what you need to, I have been known to drop mine off to daycare and sleep for the whole day. There’s also an awesome Facebook group for postnatal depression it’s a closed group and seem to always be very supportive

  18. Avatareliza says:

    If putting your baby in care is what is best for you both then do it! I also think you should seek help with her sleeping, the baby sleeping company have many success stories and are available via Skype or phone as well as in home consultations depending where you live they’ll help you put a method your comfortable with in place. http://www.thebabysleepcompany.com.au

  19. AvatarSharni says:

    I went back to work full time when my son was 5 months old – he is now 3 and only recently been taken out of full time daycare to stay home with me and his 3 month old brother. He is happy, he is fine, he knows how to socialise with other children and is comfortable in another persons care. I also had PND but was not diagnosed until 2 years in. Seriously if you feel you need it you will only be helping your situation nt hurting it. Truth be told bub probably doesn’t even realise!! Do what you need to happy mummy = happy baby.

  20. AvatarDebbie says:

    I had my daughter in day care from 6mths for 3 days a week and she is now happy and well adjusted nearly 2 year old you need to put yourself first sometimes… Your baby can sense your moods and feelings and if you are feeling stressed and anxious it will affect bubs to.. I hope things get better for you soon. Xxxx

  21. AvatarKim says:

    It sounds like you have a great plan, day care won’t hurt her in fact I believe they gain so much and if you make it a priority to get some decent sleep , you will both be better off. I had pnd but wasn’t in a position I could get a break but I believe if I had if had the chance to get a decent sleep my pnd would have been a lot better.dont let yourself do the guilt thing , you are trying to provide your daughter with the very best good luck

  22. AvatarHeather says:

    Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You are doing a wonderful job. You need to look after yourself as well, and the more you look after yourself the better you will be able to look after your beautiful bub. If another day at day care is going to give you the breathing room that you need then don’t feel bad about it, and don’t worry about what other people may think. You are doing what is right for your family and that is all that matters. This motherhood thing is tough, I hope things get better soon 🙂

  23. AvatarMela says:

    Hello wonderful mummy! Right now you need to look after yourself as well as do what’s best for bubs. If popping her into care means you will get the rest and time to recover then do it. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s very difficult to make this decision but hopefully you enjoy being around her more when you have had some time to recover. This gig is tough sometimes and I think putting yourself first is a great thing. I really wish you all the best and keep talking and asking for help.

  24. Avatarkate says:

    I think you should do it. It is not selfish. Happy mum = happy bubs. Have you also thought about sleep school? I took our 8 month old a few weeks ago and the difference is amazing. Not all of them do CIO if you don’t like that. I hope things improve for you soon x

  25. Avatarmelissa says:

    You have to do what’s best for you otherwise you can’t do what’s best for bub. If that means 5 days at day care then so be it! I also think you could probably benefit enormously from getting a sleep consultant in to help get bub into a sleep pattern/routine. Then you’ll both be getting sleep!

  26. AvatarEmma says:

    You know the saying hun happy mum happy bub never ever feel guilty for doing what’s right for you n your bub, I wish you all the best and I hope things start to get better for you soon, sending love x

  27. Avatarstacy says:

    put your bub into care if that’s what YOU feel is the best thing to do to help you get better. I’m not sure of your financial situation and your business needs but sounds like you need some time out for yourself. it’s hard work being a mum don’t be so hard on yourself I’m sure your doing a wonderful job. Have you considered a sleep school? there are ones out there that you stay at and they can help you to get your daughters sleep on track. they will also take over and settle her for you when you can’t cope. working on her sleep might help. Good Luck

  28. AvatarCarlie says:

    You need to look after yourself in order to look after the bubs My baby will be going to childcare 5 days a week for 9 hours because of the need for money, it’s just how life is so don’t feel guilty…maybe you could try 4 half days whether it’s morning or afternoon time whichever fits your schedule best & gives you a more productive day and of course much needed rest…that way you’ll feel better accomplished at the end of the day Good luck you’re doing a wonderful job

  29. AvatarKira says:

    Take the extra day, you’ll feel better, it’ll be hard in the beginning, but remember some people put even younger bubs in day care for all five days because they don’t have much options. Look after you and remember it probably won’t be forever 🙂

  30. Avatarnikki says:

    I had to put my bub in 4 days at that age simply because I had to work. We do what we can. And whats best for our family. If you need that time to make the time you spend with bub healthy and enjoyable thats whats best. She will be fine. My bub that went in that early starts prep next year and he is fine well adjusted and knows he is loved. My philosophy is no mummy guilt. You are only worried because Good mums worry. Thats because we care. You are doing a great job.

  31. AvatarSophie says:

    Don’t feel guilty for doing what you need to do to get by. You obviously care enough and are in a good state if mind to recognise when you need extra help. That is so good. I put my eldest into long daycare when she was 7mths for 3 days a week. She is fine.

  32. AvatarCyntra says:

    I think its really important that you make sure you look after yourself. There is no right or wrong but only what suits you and your baby in the situation you face right now. The decisions you make now can also be changed if they don’t work out. Take care. x

  33. Avatargaby says:

    I have not got my 6mo bub in daycare as I don’t need to, but my mum put me in daycare 5 days per week from 6 weeks of age so that she could work 3 jobs and keep her family together, and honestly I wouldn’t know that had she not told me. Now I’m a healthy, happy 20 year old with a fantastic relationship with my mum. So really, I say go for it mumma. Do what works for your family. If you need this then do it, bub wont remember and will always love you unconditionally

  34. AvatarTanya Mcfarlane says:

    Hi, I also have PND & slept badly for over a year after bub was born until I started getting help for my depression. I applaud you seeking help early, wish I had. Being in the same position as you, except I don’t have a business, I think you need the time out of having your baby in care. Don’t be so hard on yourself, all the best Tanya

  35. AvatarMel says:

    Do what ever you have to do to take care of yourself. I just been through similar – PND and no sleep with my second son. He just turned one and is now sleeping better but for the last year I have survived on 2-4 hours of broken sleep per night. Not fun. Another day at daycare can only be positive if it makes you less stressed / tired. Then you will be happier / have more energy when you are with her. Quality time over quantity time I believe. Do you have any family that could also help – even if they watch bubs for an hour so you can have a nap / run an errand? I know it’s hard now but it does get better. Hang in there.

  36. AvatarLauren says:

    Hi lovely I have a similar situation. Feel free to email me at [email protected] if you need to talk at all

  37. AvatarKara says:

    Hi, firstly my heart goes out to you… I was in exactly the same position, but unable to find appropriate care for Bub. Pnd and sleep deprivation is so incredibly hard so be kind to yourself, if you need this time to be well take it … It won’t be long term once you feel better you can then cut days back down again.
    Once you feel better you will sleep when bubs sleeps.
    There is a natural product by brauer called calm you can give to Bub on bad nights, also Bach flower drops I used to help me.
    Your doing a great job, and are caring by seeking advice… There’s mums out there who leave babies in cars and home alone to get a break. So don’t feel guilty…
    Very soon you will be looking back on this tough time and enjoying your baby like I am now it’s amazing words cannot describe! Much love xxx

  38. Avatarjess says:

    You do what you need to for you and for your little one darling. I have major anxiety and at times it leads to depression so I can relate. My boy has been in childcare 2 days a week since he turned one and its been the best thing for both of us. He enjoys the time socialising and getting out the house, I enjoy the time to myself and we both enjoy our time together better because of it. No need to feel guilty at all!
    I know plenty of women who returned to work as early as 6 weeks after birth and had their kids in childcare. That’s what care is for!
    You are an excellent parent and you don’t need to feel bad about making choices that make life easier. With kids you just gotta do what gets you all through! Love and positive thoughts your way dear xoxoxo

  39. AvatarSandie Parisi says:

    I know exactly where you are coming from love! I had PND and sleep deprecation also when my daughter was born! I also had to return to full time work when she was just 8 weeks old as we were not in a financial position for me to be a stay at home mum! My daughter went to family day care 5 days per week 7 hours per day! My best advice is take care of you as you can not care for her or the other demands of life if you don’t take care of yourself! Guilt is a complete waste of time so push it aside and move forward! I know things will improve for you from my own experience and this is only a temporary thing so all the best of luck my love!

  40. AvatarJean says:

    Definitely do what you need to do to get your mind, body & spirit back in check. It will benefit both you & the baby in the long run. Plus at least you know your bub is in a safe environment that they are already familiar with. Don’t feel guilty, feel empowered that you’re doing something about it.

  41. Avatargabriel says:

    I am a full time working single mum. I have my 7 month old in care 5 days a week. It’s unavoidable. I also had to do this with my now almost 4 yo and to be honest, she’s a very bright, sociable little girl and I think having her in care helped with this. I feel a tinge of guilt but it’s for the best. I think it’s the same for you so please try not to be hard on your self.

  42. AvatarTeena says:

    You need to look after yourself so that you can be the best you ! Mummy guilt is with us forever now. I know how hard it can be with a terrible sleeper & I too have cried myself to sleep many times – my almost 18 month old still wakes nearly every night & we are up at 5:30. You need to do what is right for you & your family. All the best xx

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