Baby Hints & Tips

Dealing with fear of intimacy after childbirth

Young Couple In Loving EmbraceOnce you’re given the all clear from the doctor how long did it take you to get over the fear of it hurting during intercourse? And did anything help you?

  • It took a good couple of months for me. I had grade 2 tears requiring stitches. In the end I thought to hell with it, it’s gotta happen some time. An understanding husband helps and not being scared to say when it hurts and figuring out the best way to have intercourse so it doesn’t hurt. Kimberley
  • Certainly had a fear as I had episiotomy and a 2nd degree tear. But mostly I had no interest in it tbh. Rachael
  • I had a 3rd almost 4th degree tear with lots of stitches and with lube and a very gentle hubby we had intercourse after 2 months. Was scared it would hurt and it was okay. Not great but I set the pace, you just gotta try and see how it works best for you. Kelly
  • It depends whether/how you tore I expect. We were fine from about 10 days post birth. Rebecca
  • Lubricant, lots n lots of lubricant Regine
  • my suggestion is to avoid all lubes with alcohol, and get yourself some cold pressed olive oil for the bedroom. The alcohol is absolute torture on scar tissue, but the oil is great. And it’s all a bit frightening and painful at first, but definitely improves with time. Jennifer
  • Omg fear for good reason, it did hurt and honestly didn’t feel normal again til 10 mths. I had 3b tear Michelle
  • 12 days post partum…. I hadn’t had a check up, but I had a fabulous labour & birth, minimal ‘grazing’ which required some stitches that had dissolved by 10 days pp & hubby was heading back to work (FIFO). I wasn’t scared about it hurting, more about how different it would be for both of us. Lucy
  • Use Coconut Oil, it works well and smells nice. We did it at 4wks pp at first which was nerve wracking but luckily I knew my fella wouldn’t get upset if we couldn’t. I had a throbbing pain afterwards (which I had in the weeks leading up) that died down again the next day. Then we tried at 8wks pp and it was so much better and practically pain free. Amelia
  • I had a third degree tear with I don’t even know how many stitches and waited the full six weeks before even touching down there, and from then it was sex maybe once a week if that because the skin was so sensitive and I would have a fair amount of stinging for the next 24hrs but we used plenty of lube, like you cannot use enough! And now bub is just over three months old and it’s no longer painful nor does it sting! Take your time though, you have to be comfortable and relaxed otherwise it’s going to be painful! Chelsea
  • I had a terrible natural birth. It took 4 months to have sex, and by 7 months it didn’t hurt anymore. I think a lot of it was mental for me. It was almost a fear. Good luck x Ally
  • I think it’s every mothers fear after the birth lol but you’ll have to try it eventually. Take it slow and make sure your partner understands. If it hurts too much then you stop and try again when you feel a bit more at ease. Lube may help? I didn’t have bad tearing so for us I think it was after about 4 weeks or so and it was a bit tender and uncomfortable but not too bad. Goodluck! Sarah
  • after my first it about 3-4 months. My second was less than 6 weeks!! The dr can u give u the all clear, but u will know when u r ready!!! Danica
  • Whenever your ready and feel comfortable Ashleigh
  • One year post birth and it still hurt. (I had a very long episiotomy cut) Anna
  • I had second degree tear through muscle and had tried/resumed 4 weeks post birth. Just go super slow and find the position that doesn’t put pressure on scar area… You as the woman take the lead and control the situation. And lube… Lots of lube. Lol. Don’t be upset if you have to stop and give it more time. Plenty of other ways to play Venora
  • Everyone is different, depends on the birth. With my 3 mine it was 4 to 6 weeks, after bub being born (after finished bleeding) and it just happened. Sherri
  • approx 1.5-2mth, LOTS of lube, and need to be very relaxed. that was with grade 1 tear, but to be honest, i think the wait was more to do with adjusting to a new life/routine. Alannah
  • A while, maybe 6months for me… had alot of stitches Kimberlee
  • Started after the 6 week check but it finally felt normal at 6mo pp i know that sounds like such a long
    Time but i think everyone is different as well as their birth stories. Just do whats right for you and what feels good and if you feel like it hurts too much then stop your partner should understand. Kate
  • I’m 11 weeks pp and it still hurts like hell! I had internal stitches and I can feel the tear every time. Take lots of vitamin c and iron and it should speed up the healing process. We had our first attempt at 5 weeks pp when I was given the all clear. Elle
  • We were trying after 4wks, small tear with stitches (once stitches fell out). If it hurt we stopped, just stretching a little helped to not be so tense. No pain at 6wks and 100% healed. It absolutely helps when your partner is understanding and helpful by allowing you to call the shots. For a few weeks it’s all about you, they’ll appreciate that you’re trying. Tamarra
  • You can see a Women’s Physio if it’s quite painful. Samantha
  • start when u feel ready. Not by doc nor partner Jax
  • I think it had been nearly 6 weeks for me. It did hurt but I’d also had a tear. Pru

 

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  1. AvatarSB says:

    Even without birth ‘trauma’ (I had a caesar), it can be very uncomfortable due to dryness caused by low oestrogen while breastfeeding. My Dr described it like menopause. Your Dr can help with an insertable medication to help make the vaginal walls softer/moister/more resilient. When your period returns, hormones will be back to more normal levels and the vaginal environment closer to your ‘normal’. Till then, lots of lube!

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