I had a miscarriage just over 4wks ago now & am starting to get a bit worried that I’m not dealing with it as I should be. I keep thinking that I’m finally getting my head around it & accepting it & then I have really bad days, & the moments where I get upset seem to be getting worse. I am terrified of falling pregnant again in fear of losing another baby. I’m really struggling with any form of intimacy with my husband, I’ve been pushing him away a lot & sorry for tmi but we recently attempted to have sex & I started crying uncontrollably. I didn’t give myself proper time to grieve at first as I thought keeping my 18mo schedules were more important & husband was away at the time. I have no family around & family & friends that I have told really didn’t seem to care. I find myself doing things like looking at my stomach thinking of it as a baby bump & having moments where I think I shouldn’t lift that it’s too heavy & then having to remind myself I’m not pregnant anymore. My husband has been wonderful through it all, but I keep putting on as happy of a face as possible for him as well as everyone else. I have suffered from anxiety & have found myself going through every possible how & why this happened over & over. I feel like I’m losing my grip on things a bit & I guess I just want to know if these things are normal? I know everyone is different but am I taking things a bit far? Thank you in advance.
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- I had a miscarriage last year ON MY BIRTHDAY of all days! I was 9 weeks, so now every year on my birthday I will remember the pain I went through. I now have a beautiful 6 month old. It does get easier I promise. You may also be suffering a bit of depression too, maybe go talk to your gp. Trust me when you are finally holding your next baby in your arms you will know that everything really does happen for a reason. This baby just wasn’t meant to be, there was something not right with him/her. Big hugs xx Anon
- I’m so sorry for your loss. The thoughts and behaviors you describe while totally normal, are interfering with your daily life, and possibly relationship. It is time to get some professional help. You could start by having a chat to your GP and asking for them to recommend a psychologist, or ring a help-line who could put you in touch with the appropriate organizations who will be able to help you. You will get through. Take care. Angie.
- 4 wks after a loss is very early, there is no normal or wrong way to mourn a loss, and its not to late get help. We lived away from family and I found I needed someone other then my awesomely supportive husband to talk to. The S/W at the hospital got me in contact with a SIDs and kids counsellor who was great for me. I fell pg 7mths after my m/c, it was a long, anxious pregnancy but I have a gorgeous 2.5yo who was worth every moment of stress. I’m so sorry for your loss. Xx Karina
- I personally have had 5 miscarriages and grieved differently with each one it’s a horrible experience but what kept my going was my partners support and trying to keep positive and not give up on trying it does get better with sorry for your loss. Stacey
- I know these feelings you have because I suffered a miscarriage nearly 3 years ago. I went on to have a beautiful baby boy who was conceived 3 months after my miscarriage. To this day I still remember the pain of losing my unborn child. And I look at my son and his older brothers who are 7 and nearly 5 and think that I should have 4 babies. I do understand that pain and that fear of getting pregnant again. It does get easier but I won’t lie there will always be the pain in the back of my mind. I found talking about it helped. Those who haven’t had a miscarriage are not sure how to re act to it and those who have been through it may nit want relive their own pain. Find a group that offers support. And please if you want to talk inbox me and I will be happy to talk to you. I hope you find a happy medium. Carla
- I’ve had two miscarriages and one term pregnancy which gave me my 8 month old Bub who is perfectly healthy. In a sense I know what you’re going through, even though every woman’s journey with losing an angel is different. I couldn’t bring myself to be around anyone who was pregnant, and it felt like whenever I was out, every single woman I saw just about was pregnant. I was pretty miserable and it was an extremely tough time. I still think about those two bubs and what they would have been like. I’ve been past one expected due date once, and the other twice (first was April 1 – so all the I’m pregnant – not – jokes didn’t help), and I think I will always remember my little angels on their predicted birthdays, now with tears, but one day it will be with a smile. My entire pregnancy with my little boy, right up to he birth I was petrified I would lose him. It’s ok to be scared, and it’s ok to have days where you are just a total mess, it’s ok to burst into tears at the sight of a pregnant woman or the sight of your in not pregnant self in the mirror. Anyone who hasn’t been through it cannot fully understand the absolute feeling of that loss. There is no ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable’ time for you to grieve. Just take each day as it comes and try to be close to your partner and confide in him how you are feeling. Sarah
- So sorry for your loss, give yourself some time and space to grieve. Maybe it’s not that your family and friends don’t care but that they don’t know how to approach the subject with you so avoid it instead. Try and open up to someone you trust or find a grief counselor to talk to. Sarah
- I have had 3 miscarriages. they are extremely painful and never get easier. For you to move on you need to grieve. Have a big cry and let it all out. From what im hearing you’re not ready to be intimate with your partner. You need time to heal. All I’m saying is don’t beat yourself up over it, things happen and are out of our control and unfortunately there isn’t anything we can do. It just wasn’t meant to be. Your angel baby will find its way to you soon, just not now. Sorry for your loss. Nicole
- So sorry for your loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and there is also no time limit. What you are feeling is absolutely normal. Maybe talking to a grief councilor could help, even just talking about what you are feeling to someone helps. Xx Rachael
- I would go to the gp sounds to me like there is more than just grief going on. Jessica
- If you feel that it is getting worse, it would be a good idea to talk to your GP about organising some sessions with a counselor( been there, done that) Jacinta
- I am very sorry for your loss. I have personally never had a miscarriage but was faced with 7 weeks of not knowing whether we would have to terminate our second pregnancy due to CMV. Was a very hard time for me as I am sure it is for you and all people handle things differently but I found that I just had to be strong, lift my chin and keep positive. Fortunately she was beautifully healthy and at 20 months is one of the brightest kids around. The harder the challenges in our life we face the stronger person we can become. I pray that you will find your inner strength and pursue your dream to become a mum when you are ready. Xx Larissa
- Find a support group. Only those who have been through it will ever truly understand the process and how tough it is. Your feelings are completely normal and with the ability to talk it through you will find strength again and to go on to have another pregnancy. It takes time xxx Michelle
- I miscarried before my ds it hurt like crazy i had good days and bad days. It hurt to hear of pregnancies being announced or babies that are born close to your due date. I was scared to get pregnant again in case my heart gets broken again but now i look at my ds and think thank god i did. It does get better you just need to give it time. If it doesn’t get better over time go speak to your gp but it has only been over 4 weeks. I am sorry for your loss. Sara
- I’m so sorry for your loss I’m going through my 6th miscarriage right now and there is no right or wrong way to grieve it will take time, give it time it will get easier i was so scared of getting pregnant that when i got pregnant with my son i was so scared to get off the couch to go to work. Try talking to a councilor it might help. Tamara
- Firstly I am so sorry for your loss; I myself have had two miscarriages in the past and know how devastating it is. I would talk to a professional see your gp and get a referral to see a councilor. There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of a baby and it takes time to accept that this horrible thing has happened. Give yourself time and please see someone. Sending hugs your way and feel free to pm me for anything. Abby
- I had a miscarriage last week but I had known within myself for a while. It took my Doctors 12 days to confirm it & those were some of the hardest days of my life. I also had my 14 month old DD to look after. There were a couple of days where my DD & I didn’t get out of our PJ’s & the only things I managed to do for the entire day were to give my DD her meals/snacks/bottles & put her to bed when she was due for her sleeps. If anyone came over I pretended I wasn’t home & I didn’t want to talk about it. I was a wreck! But I am feeling a lot better than I was since everything is confirmed, I had the D&C & also the type of miscarriage I had. Now, I can try to move on & focusing on my DD, fiancee & our futures have made that a bit easier. But I’m the same in the sense that its hard to forget the do’s/don’t. We went out for dinner on Saturday night & I had a glass of wine with dinner & I felt nervous & sort of naughty like I shouldn’t be drinking because I’m pregnant, but I’m not. & the same with second guessing lifting heavy things.. Everything my fiancée & I planned included our DD & having our next baby 20 months later, but now everything has changed.. So everything I imagined in future has changed. I am very lucky to have had a lot of support from family & friends to help me through it. I’m sure it will get easier for me as time goes on as it will for you. Maybe talk to a counsellor or support group, I’m sure they will be able to help you & point you in the right direction.Everyone is saying this to me & I do believe it, that everything happens for a reason. Everyone does deal with it differently that is true, but I’m sure everything will work out for you & your family. Sending big hugs your way!!! XO Lauren
- So sorry for you loss. Everyone grieves differently, but it is important that you let yourself grieve. I think talking it through with a professional would definitely help the process. A friend of mine recently suffered a similar loss. She found a local support group and had found talking and working with them had helped her work through the pain and loss. You will always feel a sense if loss but it is about being able to move forward with your life. Some angels come to soon and are taken back. I like to think you will meet again some day. If your interested look them up, I found it very interesting. www.carlymarieproject heal.com. Peta-Marie
- I had a miscarriage just over three weeks ago, and also have an 18 month old keeping me busy. I still have emotional moments, and we are still coming to terms with not being pregnant. We have planned a mini getaway for next week, take our dd and getaway in hopes of rejuvenating us both. Give yourself time to heal, but don’t be afraid to speak to your Dr about it if you need further assistance. Penny
- I fell pregnant sep last yr for the first time, after been told by 3 different drs I won’t have kids.. I had a miscarriage end of nov. it’s torn my heart out. I grieved for a good few months. Then out of the blue, and im on the pill I fell pregnant in feb this yr. I hadn’t touched my partner the Whole time, just the once it took.. I’m currently 26 weeks. This whole pregnancy I have been fearing its gonna happen all over again. I won’t attach myself but everyone has said it will all change once he is born.. Unfortunately we can’t control what happens in life we just have to sit back and go along for the ride.. But one thing I will say is this baby has stopped my pain! Kerrie
- Yes it’s normal and your husband knows you’re not yourself, I tried to keep it together but he knew, he was just patient, sit down and have a chat with him to work out how to move forward, you will be able to move forward when you both talk about it. Christine
- Sorry for your loss. My partner and I struggled to conceive and then when we did I ended up having 2 miscarriages, one at at 8 weeks and the other 11 weeks. It is devastating. Because I was before the 12 week safety mark we hadn’t told our friends and family so I ended up seeing a councillor as I was not coping well at all. Alao, around the same time period I had friends fall pregnant and as much as I was happy them when they told me, internally, I was hating on them at the same time. Which then made me angry at myself for not feeling as happy for them as I should be as I am not a negative or hateful person. I now have a beautiful 7 week old daughter who is the most divine little human. I’m telling myself that good things can happen, just at the right time. Seek advice, talk to someone, it helps. Never give up. Good luck!! X Kym
- I suggest getting some counseling- with your partner too so he has a better idea of what you are feeling. I suffered recurrent miscarriages. I had one before my first son, then five in a row before my daughter and then had another son. I look back and can’t believe I have three healthy children after what we went through, but truly, the only thing that helped me feel better and get over my anxiety was finally having another baby. Don’t give up. Kirstie
- How you choose to grieve us your choice, no one can say if it’s the right or wrong way. I am sorry for your loss & sorry you feel alone but you are not. I suffered a mc last November so I can sympathize about trying keep life normal for your other children & partner but allow yourself to grieve. I still have sad moments & probably always will. A social worker can really help. Jodi
- I’m so sorry for your loss. I haven’t had a similar experience but I felt I should say don’t place expectations upon yourself everyone grieves differently. Be kind to yourself and take time out to share with your husband as well as just being alone to let your heart feel. See someone you can talk too. Xx Stacey
- I just want to give you a big hug! I am disappointed for you that those you have opened up to haven’t been supportive. I would suggest going and speaking to counselor, as I think it is important to have support to get you through this. I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you find the help to get you through this. Xoxo Ashleigh
- I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Have you talked to a counselor or someone about your loss? That really helped me. If you would like to talk to me you can inbox me. Xo Stacey
- Do you have a local SIDS and Kids office (or their Aust national number is 1300 308 307 – this is for bereavement support)? Or NZ there is SANDS you could contact. I accessed SIDS and Kids when my first daughter was stillborn and found it really useful to talk to people who knew what I was going through. While people who haven’t had a loss certainly can empathise, there is a level of loss they can’t understand (like the feeling of losing a future you had pictured with your LO). It does sound tho like you need some extra support at the moment in whatever form that might be. I could surely be at the end of a message you want someone to contact outside of your network (I’m a SANDS support person now that I live in NZ). Don’t be too hard on yourself. Kate
- Im sorry to hear this, sending you my love. Spend some time with your partner, maybe go out for dinner or a night away, you need him around and sadly as it is now, you will feel better and eventually become pregnant again and give birth to a beautiful healthy baby and at that moment you will realise everything is alright, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment. Felienaa
- So sorry for your loss but you must keep looking forward. I know that hearing “it’s just not meant to be this time” & “everything happens for a reason” are sometimes not what you want to hear (trust me I know) but I do honestly believe it…..we miscarried at 8weeks in Mar 11, it was devastating but we decided it was just a little hiccup & not meant to be. I had a D&C and It then took another 5mths to conceive again. We found out we were pregnant with twins!! We were over the moon but at 17weeks our baby girls had died & I had to give birth to them in Nov 11. I have never been more destroyed in my life…..but there is hope. Nearly exactly a year later since the day the twins were delivered I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy who is now 9mths. Cry, yell, scream, have bad days but just keep smiling at the end of it as you will hold that baby you long for . Keep focused on where you want to go next and the pain will ease…..xx Bec
- Pregnancy Loss Australia (also on Facebook) helped me a lot. Also counseling / seeing a psychologist made the world of difference to me. Anneliese
- I had two miscarriages in a row with IVF one natural miscarriage at 5 weeks and then I fell pregnant again and found out at 8 weeks there was no heart beat. For two weeks I prayed They would find a heartbeat, but nothing, so I had a d&c and I felt like a weight had been lifted and I could start again!! It was the most painful experience of my life, crying day after day and blaming myself. My husband and family were so supporting. We tried IVF again and as scared as I was at the scan, all our dreams came true!! I had an amazing pregnancy and kept telling myself that the two beautiful angels before this pregnancy were just not meant to be. My DD is now 7 weeks old and is just a dream!! Hang in there, it will happen, as long as you have the support of your partner, it will happen. It took us 2 years!! It will eventually happen for you. Sandra
- I totally understand how you feel. I lost a baby October 2011. I took about 3 months before I felt semi normal again. I was very open with my partner about how I was feeling and therefore he was able to help me grieve. I was terrified about losing another baby but I got to a point where I was ready to try again and I now have a ds. Take the time you need to, cry when you need to, sit your toddler in front of the tv on your bad days, talk to your husband. And if you feel that time isn’t going to help talk to your doctor. Inbox me if you would like to talk. Amy
- I had two miscarriages and then had a blighted ovum which was awful, it was 12mths till I got pregnant again with my now 5mths beautiful baby boy, we stopped trying for a long time I was very depressed and upset and thought what was the point I would just lose another one,but finally it just happened. I would say give yourself some time, as long as you need to move on from this loss before trying again, it will happen! Crystal
- I miscarried twins at 12 weeks just over a month ago, it’s hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel, my partner is also very positive, just talk to him how your feeling or a lose friend it helps. you will have your down days, but just try and keep thinking positive feel free to add me as a friend if u wish to chat. Susan
- I’m sorry to hear of your loss! As many others have said, we all grieve differently! Sometimes what we see as the indifference of family and friends is not their lack of care/love/support but more simply, them not knowing what to say and how to help you through this time. I would also recommend speaking to someone, a counselor, your GP, a social worker, even the child health nurse (if you have regular contact with one for you other child), Be kind on yourself! If you are unable to convey your thoughts/feelings/emotions to your husband by speaking to him, maybe try and write it down as a letter, sometimes it’s easier to get across what you want to say without emotions on the moment clouding your thoughts. It does get easier with time (we lost our first baby). There are days I wonder (nearly 5 years on) what life would be like now if our baby had lived, there are other days I am glad it was spared the pain of earthly life and is safe in the arms of Jesus. I know now, in hindsight, that we wouldn’t have the 3 other children we cherish so much if our 1st baby had lived. Belinda
- Ask for the Lord’s help. Talk to your husband. Talk to your doctor and have him/her refer you to someone who can work with you. Find a support group Find someone YOU can help. Try to set yourself a schedule which has grief time built into it and find things to do, even if it’s just to go for a walk. Do not let yourself get too far down. Many people care about and love you. Could you find some older kids to work with who really need your help and attention? Deb
- Im so sorry for your loss. Ive honestly never experienced a MC but i could just imagine the grief and loss you would be experiencing. I can think that what you’re going through is somewhat normal but maybe you should go and talk to someone? Like professionally.. and if you don’t want to do that.. Talk to a close friend or someone you can trust. Loosing a baby isnt just a walk in the park, My sister miscarried three times before she had her two beautiful kids… She went through hell.Breathe, take some time for yourself…. and even if you have a moment for your little baby, something you and your husband can do. You will get through this. Don’t be scared. Kate
- It’s hard, but you will get thru it. Talk to this around you to find support& def speak to your doctor; D hugs & prayer xxx Narelle
- Sorry to hear of your loss, can i just say sit down and have a talk to your husband and explain how u are feeling I’m sure he will understand and he will prob be feeling the same way as you , he seems to be your best support network atm. after talking to him and u feel that u need more help go see your gp for referral to counseling the grieving process is totally normal and can take time sounds like u are in second stage of five, take your time to get over it it will make u a stronger person and ready to tackle it again head on later down the track, remember this quote:everything happens for a reason maybe it just wasn’t the right time this time wish u the best. Mel
- So sorry for your loss. I would suggest seeing your GP and get a referral for someone to talk to. It is normal to be worried about getting pregnant again and it resulting in a loss. Just remember that you have one little one so you have shown that your body can do the pregnancy thing 🙂 Wish you all the best:) Linn
- Oh sweety, wish I could give you a big hug.I am sending you one anyway. There is no time limit to or right way to grieve. If you can, go to your Dr. You are not alone sweetheart. Kerry
- Give yourself the time you need. It sounds like your husband will be understanding. I get anxiety a lot (I’m also quite hyper vigilant) just remember to take a step back, take a deep breath, and see the anxieties for what they are. Don’t let them rule you at a time that’s already tough enough to bare. I hope you feel better soon. Xx Carolyn
- Bears of Hope on Facebook is a good group of ppl who have unfortunately experienced this. Rho
- Some angels weren’t meant for this earth, I too had 2 miscarriages and it is possibly the worst thing that will ever happen in your life, it takes time to heal as many others here have said, I found talking about it did help. It is something that you will never 100% get over but it does and will get easier for you, I thought I would never carry a baby and now I have a 9 month old beautiful baby girl… give yourself time and you will know when the time is right to start again……best of luck to you x Jodie
- Post Partum Depression/Post Traumatic stress talk to ur GP, it will eventually get easier, just remember EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Apreinia
- How your feeling is completely normal. You are grieving. You will have good days but unfortunately they come with bad days as well. Be kind to yourself. The pain will always be there but it will get easier to cope with it. People don’t always know how to respond when they hear such devastating news if they haven’t experienced it themselves. After numerous miscarriages and finally having our gorgeous 7 week old little girl, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Xxxxx Sian
- 100% understand. 2 weeks ago I miscarried and I still have good days like today and terribly emotional days like Saturday when i didn’t even get out of bed and the tears just don’t stop… There is no right or wrong, it is how you are best able to deal with it. Im not ready to be around pregnant people or babies just yet but I have ventured out during my lunch break and things get easier each and every day. Also I cannot recommend enough this book, I bought it on my ipad and it was $7.99 and it helped unbelievably. Check out the facebook page as well, just search Ready or Not..Out I Come… I hope this helps and please remember you are not alone…XXX https://m.facebook.com/ReadyOrNotOutICome? Ready or Not Out I Come To break down the walls around miscarriage and help make it a less taboo topic. To ensure support is available for parents of premature babies. Lara
- Its early days yet. Don’t feel you should “get over it” in any set period of time. Each person grieves in their own way. Meagan
- And Still Standing Magazine ( its a Facebook group, great articles!) Chantelle
- I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. I had a miscarriage about 19 years ago and I still can remember the pain of it. It does get easier; just KNOW it is NOT YOUR FAULT!!! Nothing you did caused it. Sometimes things just happen that way Everyone deals with things in their own way, and when you’re ready to try again, you’ll know. Make sure your body as well as your mind, is ready… I wish you the best. Cherie
- My baby was born at 36 wks but didn’t take her first breath. There are some great Facebook groups which offer support for child loss try My Child Did Exist is one that is really good. Try the Facebook search too, there are heaps. Chantelle
- It’s only been 4 weeks give yourself time to grieve it’s totally ok to be upset and have a good cry! A loss is a loss no matter how far along you were. I found being open and talking about it really helped me. I find too many people don’t like talking about it like it’s something to be embarrassed about but it’s actually really common and has happened to more people then you realize… Take it slow only you will know when you are ready to try again. X Ash
- this is me all over at the moment. i have been busy looking after my 2.5 & 19 month old that i have not really had to time to grieve. I have just had 2 miscarriages my last one only being a few weeks ago. Lisa
- I don’t have any advice but I’m sorry for your loss. Im glad you have a supportive partner. Huuuuuuuuuuuuug! Blanche
- I’m so sorry for your loss hun, no you’re not taking it too far and there is no normal. Everyone deals with things differently and that’s a very painful experience, I can’t say I speak from experience because I have never been through this personally. for starters I suggest speaking to your gp and maybe get a referral for some grief counseling. You’re lucky your husband is very supportive. I wish you the best of luck. Amanda
- Sorry to hear if your loss I have not had a miscarriage myself but been there for a few very close friends I would suggest talking to a counselor it will take time & in time u will be able to move forward and hopefully be able to try again thinking of u xx Bianca
- I think you should go see your Dr and ask about how to deal with anxiety and for a referral to a counselor, they are always good to talk to and put things back into perspective. Not every pregnancy will result in miscarriage! You need to get passed this so that you can try again, right now it hurts but soon you will try again and everything will feel right…you need to get back to feeling right. I’m sorry for your loss and your friends should be more supportive…but your husband sounds awesome, remember he’ll be hurting from this as well, so put on your brave face too *hugs*. Lisa-Marie
- I’m so sorry for you – I don’t think this is an unusual reaction, but it’s not positive for you or your family – I felt the same when I had my m/c – I can barely remember the 6 months afterwards apart from feeling how unbelievably miserable and out of touch – I found the absolute best thing I could have done (and did) was a) seeing a counselor – helped me get it all out and feel ok about grieving – I had lost my whole group of ‘friends’ as they thought I should be fine and just ‘get over it’ but I was shattered as we had been ttc for 3 years. The other thing I did was b) buy a ornament for our Christmas tree as our angel was due Christmas Day. Every year as I put it up it hurts a little less, but I feel better having a token of that life that never made it Be patient with yourself and know that it is not a immediate guarantee of future m/c’s – I had an 8 year old son when I m/c – I now have Mr 13 and Miss 3 Good luck in the future. Renee
- Please please please go to ur Dr and tell them how you are feeling as they will find away to help you either with counseling or maybe some medication for a little while till you are emotionally back on ur feet. Jamie
- firstly I am very sorry for your loss and brings back memories to when I had a miscarriage, we were trying for our second and after nearly a yr if trying (only took 4mth with first) we finally conceived but then at 8wks I lost it and had a complete miscarriage was the worst thing to go through and I too didnt really grieve and just concentrated on my 2yr old I wouldn’t be intimate with my husband or talk about the loss until about 6mth I started to feel ready to try again. everybody deals with things differently there us no right and wrong u just need to give ur body and mind time to adjust, unfortunately when u do want yo try again the fear is always in the back of your mind but what helped me to cope was reminding myself things always happen for a reason and maybe there was a issue with thus baby so my body aborted it. I think because of my fear also contributed to how long it took to conceive again, the mind is a powerful thing but u will get there it just takes time. Vanessa
- I have miscarried twice, one after my first two children and one after my next two children. It’s not your fault something just went wrong. Try again, it’s the best thing you can do. After my first miscarriage I fell pregnant 4 months later with a beautiful girl who is now 7, and after my second miscarriage I fell pregnant 6 months later with a handsome boy who is now 2. Give yourself time to grieve, always talk to your partner about how you are feeling. My partner helped me to get through it. And yes I did feel like I still was pregnant, the hormones are still there and will ease away and then maybe you can start feeling like yourself again. Apologies, sorry for your loss. Remember, there was nothing you could do and this was not your fault. Emma
