Overcoming fear of miscarrying again

I found out yesterday that I had miscarried. I was 5 weeks. Hubby and I had been trying for this one (#2) for a while so we were over the moon when we found out we were pregnant. How do we overcome the shock? I’m really struggling but hubby is struggling a lot more than I thought he would. I’m trying to stay strong for him but inside I’m dying. How can I grieve and be there for him? We are both now too scared to try again. How do people overcome this fear that it may happen again?

• It won’t be easy but as long as you both are there for each other. Support from family or Friends help also. Remember it’s ok to grieve. I’m so sorry for your loss it’s terrible but I promise it does get better. Xx    Tara

•  It’s not going to be easy. Give yourself and hubby time to heal. I’ve had two this year and myself is just starting to feel better. I’m so sorry for your loss.   Lisa

•  This was me in May 2012. I found a great group of girls on Facebook to help me they the darkest of days where I’d cry myself to sleep. Some of these girls I’m still friends with and were now supporting each as we move on and have our rainbow babies. It’s a tough time for both you and hubby and all I suggest is grieving together and realising that sometimes our bubbas need to be angels. You’ll never get over the fear of it happening again but being positive and having some support from family and friends will get you thru.    Rhiannon

•  So sorry for your loss xx grieve together don’t try and be strong for him this is something you need to do together openly talk about what has happened and your feelings. They say every one in five pregnancies miscarry its nothing to do with you or hubby its just nature doing her thing. when you both feel comfortable then try again you need to cycle at least twice before trying though as for the fear it is something we all have we can’t always be rid of the fear but we can overcome it if and when you do try again don’t stress take it one day at a time xx    Melissa

•  Try give yourself time to grieve hun no hurry xx   Stacey

•  It is a terrible, terrible thing, but trust me when I say it does get easier. It may never seem like it will, but it does. Do a Facebook search for Pregnancy Loss Australia. They have a support group full of people just like you. X    Katie

•  I have no advice but I just wanted to say how very sorry I am to both of u for ur loss.   Sam

•  Neither of you have to be strong, grieve together and talk talk talk.   Amanda

•  Firstly sorry for your loss. The loss of what will not be. We have had 5 losses from 6 to 12 weeks. It is really tough. All I can say is acknowledge yr feelings and allow them- don’t suppress them. Be there for each other and stay strong as a couple. For us the anxiety and hesitation was great with each pregnancy that just didn’t go away. Please pm me if you want to chat further. I found SANDS a great resource too. Hang in there and allow yourself time to grieve. Hugs xx    Kylie

•  I had my first baby girl at age 14. Then several years later after 3 miscarriages I thought I would never be able to have any more kids. I went on to have 2 more beautiful girls once I was age 29 & 30. Unfortunately it happens more than we are aware because no one likes to talk about it. Stay strong. It will happen. You will go on to have as many more beautiful children as you would like.    Tracey

•  I overcame mine just by the normal grieving process and by telling myself that, that baby wasn’t meant to be and that something was wrong with it. Because, that’s the truth. I’m sorry for yours loss. Xxoo    Melissa

•  I know how hard it is… Just give yourself some time to deal and know its not ur fault it happened… I have had 5miscarriages… I have a 7yrold boy then I had 3miscarriages, then I had a lil girl then 2 more miscarriages… I just look at that I have to keep trying and yes you never get over the fear that it will happen again… Every ultrasound I am terrified but I try to stay positive… It’s hard I know.   Joanne

•  Sweetie you don’t have to be strong. You just have to be there for each other, I miscarried twins at 9 weeks all by myself, you have to grieve and feel what you feel and so does your hubby, hold each other and cry if that is what you need to do, you have lost something precious, but remember , don’t put pressure on yourself or each other it will happen if it is meant to . I am sorry for your loss. Love each other and support each other.   Betty

•  You never get over the fear or the pain; it just becomes easier to cope. Be open and honest with your husband, let yourselves grieve together. It changes your life forever, so be kind to yourself. I’m sorry for your loss.   Sian

•  As someone who has been in your position more than once, I can tell you that you never really get over the fear of miscarriage. I will give you the advice that my obstetrician gave me and hopefully it will be some use to you (he and his wife also had 3 miscarriages prior to a successful pregnancy) – Most pregnancies that miscarry do so because something wasn’t quite right chromosomally. You will never know the exact reason why yours didn’t carry, but statistically this is why they don’t. So try to view it as your body actually doing the right thing by you, and not continuing a pregnancy that wasn’t perfect. Try again when you’re ready, and this includes being emotionally ready. I understand the fear, and the checking every time you wipe in case there’s blood, and wishing you could have an ultrasound almost every day just to make sure everything is ok. You have a child, so you know you can do it. Just wait until you’re as ready as you can be. If you want another child, it would be so sad to leave things on a miscarriage because you were too afraid to try again. Trust me when I say that you will never get over the loss of a child that you already loved so much, but the pain does get less, and you will get there. Good luck to you xx    Mel

•  Sorry to hear of your loss. Support and time will help you heal unfortunately there is nothing anyone can do or say to make things better but it is nice to know people are there for you if you need. Make sure when you do try again you are both in the right frame of mine, give it a cycle or two for you to both heal and your body to recover. After my first miscarriage I struggled until after I was out of the first trimester but for each pregnancy I was given fortnightly scans to help keep me at ease. I am happy to talk if you need someone to talk to. I did find it helpful to speak to someone who has been there.    Michelle

•  I feel your pain – 2008 we fell preg with number 2 after 3 years of trying only to m/c at 11.5 weeks. I was so shattered the following 6 months are a blur…I turned to writing most of that time and there are some wonderful Facebook groups – Pregnancy Loss Australia Support Group – this one is wonderful – share your story with an admin – these ladies are lovely, supportive and understanding.   Renee

•  First of all I’m very sorry, I to miscarried early but I did twice. You need to talk and grieve together, it hit my husband harder than what I thought as well, I thought I could use him as my rock but we both fell apart. But I think i felt much better that he hurt too because you hear of many women who their husbands/partners didn’t care so we talked to each other a lot. Please don’t listen but you will hear people say ‘don’t worry you weren’t far along so it wasn’t meant to be” or “lucky you lost it early before you could feel it move and get attached” I swear I heard it from everybody and it got me down thinking well I wasn’t far along so why does it hurt so much, the truth is you are a mother to a BABY no matter what age or gestation it was your baby. You never get over the fear but just believe in yourself xxxxxxxxxxx    Kayarna

•  It will always be scary but you will try again… You need to talk to each other about how you feel… Don’t let one grieve without the other. You are a beautiful person to be thinking of your husband sadly they are often forgotten… Best of luck for when you feel right to try again… Xo    Renee

•  I had a late m/c in second trimester, bub was fully developed just tiny was extremely traumatic……we each grieve differently but personally it took me 18mths after losing my little man to get to the point of even contemplating trying again. My rainbow baby is now 4yo. Wish you the best of luck hun hope it all works out well for you. Xx    Naomi

•  I’m so sorry for your loss </3 I know what this feels like it happened to me this year. It’s very heart breaking and so hard to come to terms with. The best advice I can give from my experiences is DO NOT give up trying! When I miscarried I didn’t want to try again but my partner insisted for weeks that we don’t give up! so after my partners persistence I decided I was ready to try again and now I can proudly say we are 17 weeks pregnant please don’t give up!    Rebekah

•  We lost our first baby at 5 weeks and when we fell again I spent my days praying: happy healthy normal baby! You never overcome the fear of losing a baby – I know I didn’t. In the end I got a beautiful baby girl. All you can do is hope and take it day by day. And know that even though it’s hard to have lost that there is a reason why that baby wasn’t meant to be yours. Talk to your husband, let him know how you feel, know there is always hope. Don’t give up, good things come to those who wait. My beautiful miracle is now 10 months old…Regan

•  Oh hon, I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t tell you how you get over it because you never really do. Every day just becomes slightly easier to deal with as time goes on. No-one can tell you how quickly it should happen or how long it should take. One day you will wake up and know that you CAN try again. We lost a little boy at 20 weeks in Feb. 2010 and a second little boy at 17 weeks in Nov 2010 – and it’s only now that I feel ok with the idea of trying for another. Just try to get through one day at a time at the moment and know that it’s ok not to be strong, it’s ok to grieve on the outside as well as the inside xxxxx    Kat

•  I also lost a little boy at 16 weeks in 2006. We were devastated. As time went on, we slowly grieved. We still think about our little boy today. We now have 2 beautiful girls 5 & 3. With both pregnancies I just kept thinking the joy of a baby will far outweigh the sadness of another loss.   Tamra

•  I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve had 3 since trying for #2. The first was definitely the hardest. My advice would be to give yourselves and each other permission to grieve, however you each instinctively want to, for as long as you need to. Take time out from work or regular commitments if you need to. Forget being strong, grief suppressed will only fester. It will only delay and possibly complicate the grief and it is unlikely to help your husband anyway. I hope you feel ready to try again soon. I know fear is a big thing in the midst of your loss but I pray that hope will creep back in to take its place before too long. X    Susan

•  Honestly, the fear probably won’t leave you. I was uneasy for my two pregnancies after a miscarriage first time but you jut try and focus on positives. Don’t think about more right now, just allow yourselves time to grieve and recover.    Alice

•  I thought that I would maybe never have children after miscarriages to start with, but when you actually tell people (Which I didn’t really until I was finally fully pregnant with my LG) you find sooo many people that it has happened to. It’s generally not spoken about in normal conversation, but might find that if you speak to people about it, then you’ll find a lot of support out there, hubby too might find out that his workmates have lost babies. I am very sorry for your loss honey, and I think that you need to grieve together too, love each other, cuddles, chatting; it will make you two and your relationship stronger.    Lesley

•  hi I lost a baby at 8 weeks in was my third and I was upset for a bit but once the doc explain the at that many weeks it was never really alive it heart never beat I started to relise maybe it was all for a reason maybe my body knew there was something wrong or something we ended up try again right away as we were trying for a son and only 2 month later found out we were due again I now have a beautiful baby boy who is now almost 1 I know it hard but just remember there are reasons our body does what it does best of luck hope it all works out for you.   Kirsty

•  Sorry there no easy answer. Same thing happen to me after trying for so long for no 3 only to miscarry just after Christmas. The pain still hurts today but make sure you chat to each other about it .    Rebecca

•  Never give up honey. Try again grieve for your loss. This one was not meant to be. Big hugs.   Jenny

•  Miscarried at 4 1/2 months and my partner and I went down and bought a rose to plant together. It is something that needs love and care. I found it a very peaceful way to say goodbye as well as to keep the memory alive for me. Losing a child is hard and it is best if you can grieve openly. I am so sorry for your loss. Just so you know I have had two healthy boys since then so it is possible. X    Vix

•  I’m so sorry for you loss. It’s a terrible thing to lose something so precious no matter how early in the pregnancy. I had a miscarriage in February at 8 weeks. It was horrible! I cried for a long time. I was going through exactly the same thoughts as you….I thought I could never try again because of the immense pain I was going through. It took a few months before I felt like I could try again. What helped me through this was a change in my thoughts. I began to look at things in a different way. There was obviously a reason why my little baby had stopped developing and it is probably better that it happened early in the pregnancy than later….or even worse born with a health problem and have to suffer for the rest of its life. I also looked at my two beautiful children that I already had and am very grateful that they are in our lives. Stay strong and try again when your ready. Xx    Natalie

•  I found, for me, that talking to people about their experiences helped a lot, it is not an often talked about topic, but should be for support. I also found letting everyone around me know what I was going through made it a little easier. It will always hurt, you will always remember, even with the birth of my beautiful little girl, but it does lessen with time.    Megan

•  We miscarried in May last year when I was 14 weeks pregnant and it was a terrible time for both hubby and myself. We dealt with it by keeping up the cuddles and starting an exercise program, I was never a gym person but without doing what I did I know I would have struggled for so much longer. You can’t rush wanting to try to get pregnant again, you’ll both feel it when the time is right. I’m now 38.5 weeks pregnant and I won’t lie, the first 14 weeks scared me senseless, you lose your innocence about pregnancy after losing a baby. The plus side to that is that every time my little boy moves I am so grateful for it and I’m not sure I would have been filled with so much gratitude if it wasn’t for my loss.    Laura

•  I had a missed miscarriage in February this year and had to have a D&C. I was absolutely devastated as we had been trying for number 2 for a while. My partner was very supportive but thought we should take a break from trying. I suggested that we just stop trying but don’t do anything to stop it if it does happen. I am now 21 weeks pregnant but it has been a terrifying pregnancy. At 7 weeks I had a massive bleed that turned out to be a miscarriage of a twin. At 12 weeks I had another massive bleed which I thought was the end of the pregnancy but baby is still going strong. Drs can’t explain second bleed but are adamant that baby isn’t going anywhere now. It is easy to say take each day as it comes but there is no better way to deal with grief. You will know when you are ready to start trying again. I wish you all the best and I am so sorry for your loss xx    Leanne

•  Sorry for your loss…I lost two angels before I got my first Bub. Honestly, the fear doesn’t go away. I found that just spending time together, grieving together, was what helped us   Sarah

•  its not easy but it is quite normal to have a miscarriage and then go on to have a healthy pregnancy. i had a miscarriage at 8 weeks in July last year and then feel pregnant in November and have just had my beautiful boy just over 3 weeks ago. It is very hard to lose a baby but it doesn’t mean you will again so don’t give up. You do need to allow yourself to grieve for yourself and your partner’s sake coz he may feel worse if he thinks you aren’t upset by it. Good luck with it all.   Dannyelle

•  I’m so sorry to read your story, sadly there are so many of us that go through this horrible pain! I lost my twin girls at 16 weeks and have to say that the pregnancy loss Australia fb page has been a great support for me. Just remember you and your husband will both grieve differently and different rates, so don’t put pressure on each other to be feeling the same way.    Natalie

•  I miscarried at 12 weeks with no.3 and although the pregnancy was a surprise and not planned. It was completely devastating. I took away from this that having carried 2 before with no problem at all that this little baby wasn’t ready for this world and something just wasn’t quite right. Take the time to heal, lean on people and you will know when its right to try again. I now have since had no. 3 14 weeks old, the first 12 weeks of pregnancy was a little stressful just hoping history didn’t repeat but it’s all worth it in the end..Good luck xo    Jayne

•  You don’t, you look forward not back. We stopped ‘trying’ and just didn’t prevent pregnancy. Threw away all the pregnancy tests and said what will be will be. I have friends who have had late pregnancy losses which were horrifying so as horrid as it might sound I took the stance that at least I had an early loss and maybe I shouldn’t have known yet. We have so many tests we can use so quickly and accurately that I felt that maybe I knew before my body was ready for me to know, I had time to get excited and attached. You’ve already got a bub so you know the beauty waiting is worth the hard road.    Jaylene

•  Sadly it’s a part of life, your body must not of been ready for another one just yet. But I miscarried my second child at 6 weeks, ultra sounds and blood test came back negative, no sign of a baby. went back to doc 5 weeks later got another ultra sound, TO only find out i was 3 months preg… now that baby is an 18 month happy boy. So some things happen for a reason, you just have to talk about it and just keep trying one day it’ll happen good luck.    Angela

•  So sorry for your loss. You don’t have to be strong. It’s still so raw and fresh you and your husband have every right to grieve. You wouldn’t have been able to stop it and its no one’s fault it’s your body’s way of saying something is wrong. I’ve recently had a miscarriage myself so understand the pain. Doctors told me 1 in 4 pregnancies he said most miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities.    Samantha

•  I’m so sorry for your loss, I had a miscarriage last year (my partners first baby) and we were both devastated. You need to talk to each other about your fears and grief. Don’t be scared to try again, I am now almost 30wks pregnant so it can happen again without anything going wrong. The way I look at a miscarriage is there was something wrong with the baby and its nature’s way. Keep your chin up and be there for each other xxx    Nicole

•  I’m so sorry for your loss it’s never easy to go through a miscarriage for either of you, my partner & i had been trying for 3 years with 3 miscarriages it broke heart every time but talking with my husband & crying/grieving with him was a big help we now have a beautiful happy healthy 7 month old little girl. It’s not easy but u both have to grieve & doing it together really helped the both of us best wishes for you in the future.   Ashlee

•  Sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is actually quite common. There is a webpage that I found helpful. Www.pregnancyloss.info I found it helpful. I had a miscarriage and then had a bub who is now 2 and then ha another one and am now preg 29 weeks and all is fine. Take some time talk go away do whatever you need.     Fiona

•  So sorry for your loss, ive never been in your situation; but I wish you both happiness & hope it all work out Big hugs!    Briony

•  Sorry for lose I have 2 healthy babies (9&4) and in between them miscarried twice and I’m almost 18 weeks with our 3 (or u could say 5th). Don’t hold anything thing you got to let it all out talk to one another I got a few ppl together and released pink & blue balloons. The fear never leaves I’m worried every time I got to the loo that something is going to be there. It gets easier but the hurt will always be there. You have to remember ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. But there is also group on here that helped me a lot also (Miscarriage support group) Rip little angel xxxx    Toni

•  Have a hug and cry together. Sometimes you don’t have to be strong. Very sorry for your loss. Hope the future is bright for you! Xx    Kerry

•  It never really stops hurting. Both of you let your emotions out. Sorry for your loss.   Kristie

•  I had a mc at 8 weeks & as sad as it was I am a believer if “it happens for a reason“, obviously something wasn’t quite right & it was nature’s way (that’s not being harsh). In reality 1 in 4 pregnancies end in mc so it’s a lot more common than ppl realise. Women have them sometimes & don’t even know, just think it’s a heavy period if quite early. I went on to have another healthy bub & currently 38 weeks with #3. Good luck xxx    Sharon

•  I planted a white rose tree & it’s the only plant I’ve planted that has survived. It’s beautiful & really helped me kids to deal with it too.    Belle

•  I’m so sorry for your loss. Time is the only healer, maybe a w.e away with just the two of you once you’re feeling up to it. Be honest & open with each other. These feeling won’t last forever but it will seem that way for quite a while, best wishes for your future xo.   Beth

•  My thought are with you… I have travelled this road many times. Know you are not alone… There is also FB support groups that I recommend. I had three MCs before having my no # and I know many that walk this road with at the moment. Take strength in others and stay focused on the future… PM me if you need to.. I cry with you.   Sue

•  So sorry to hear of your loss, it’s very hard especially when you were so excited. I don’t think you ever overcome the fear of it happening again, but you just have to decide it’s worth the risk for the chance of getting a healthy bub. I found journaling can help you to grieve and just knowing that it is ok to grieve. You can’t have a funeral but that doesn’t mean the loss is not significant. I bought a statue of a mother and baby to remind me of the baby I never got to meet but will always love. And talk to your hubby as much as possible don’t it let it tear you apart, let it bond you together. It’s tough and you never get over the loss but it does get easier in time.    Kristin

•  You never quite get over it but like others have said before here it is usually a sign that something was not quite right with the pregnancy. Take some time off if able and spend some time together as family. You’ve had one pregnancy which went well so you know that your body can do the pregnancy thing 🙂 I had a lot of follow up from obstetrician for the second pregnancy, scans every 2 weeks to ensure everything was well helped ease some of the anxiety. Look after yourself.   Linn

•  You probably won’t overcome the fear that it will happen again but try and remember that after 1 miscarriage you are no more likely to miscarriage again than a woman who has never had a miscarriage. That gave me some comfort that it was ok to try again. You and your husband don’t need to be strong for each other, try and come together with your grief, share your feelings and stay close to support each other.    Kirsty

•  I have had 6 pregnancies and out of those 6 I carried 3 full term. First and second pregnancies were “successful” so to speak. Then I had a miscarriage then 3 months later I fell pregnant. With baby number 3 then when my youngest was 1 I had a miscarriage. Then about 4 months ago I had another. You feel the loss every time. I felt like I had to support not only my husband but my children during the first miscarriage as I had held my oldest. It is a hard thing to go through. If you need to cry or scream do it. If you need to talk go to your partner. Who should be there for you just as you are for him? You have each other to help get through this.    Carla

•  When I’ve miscarried (several time ) I have brought one of those guardian angel pins in what would have been its birth stone. I have these displayed in a room in my house. I also have on for my nanna (who passed) and my daughter and hubby that are still live. I find that it gives me inner peace when I see them and it reminds me that they were real and apart of our little family. My hubby was deeply affected too. We tried to remain as open as we could about it . Cried together many times. But we also, even now make a effort to do good things together to take the focus of the bad. Give your selves time to heal and grieve. Give ur body time to recover and then go from there.    Natasha

•  Talk about it, I know it sounds simple; if I had actually taken my advice early I would have at least 2 children by now and not just one. Lost mine at 4-5 weeks but pregnancy hormones continued for 3mths after. I was all over the place and didn’t talk to anyone about it because hey it was only 4-5weeks not like others who have lost a child at 10 weeks or 20 weeks. Don’t let others play it down. Talk to your husband, grieve together, talk about doing things differently, whether being healthier, eating right etc. Good Luck!!    Andy

•  You never get over the loss of a baby no matter if it was in your belly, still born, cot death etc etc. all you can do is take time, talk to each other & when the time is right you will have another baby. I lost my first born at 12 weeks due to cot death, I have gone on to have four more children & although it gets easier to deal with the first loss as time goes by, you never stop worrying about the worst case scenario happening, especially when u have gone through it once. I wish you well, take care& keep smiling.   Marilyn

•  Don’t hide that you are grieving. Could make it harder for him to grieve, cos he is most likely trying to stay strong for you. Let each other know that it’s ok to cry etc. so sorry for your loss.    Alice

•  So sorry for your loss. Happened to us 5 times to get number two. The pain doesn’t ease but you never get over your loss. A lot of people won’t understand unless they have been in your shoes. My heart breaks for you both xx    Rochelle

•  Just pray and give it to God. My daughter went thru the same thing. She had i think 3 miscarriages, all happened at 6 weeks. Now she is pregnant and is now 10 weeks, praise the Lord. She is now 39 years old and will be 40 when baby is born. She has a son who is 22 years old, so never give up. Pray and pray, yes, mostly when these miscarriages happen it is a chromosome thing. Means the body has rejected a badly deformed fetus and just wasn’t meant to be, so after a while , keep praying and when its time you will conceive and carry a baby to full term. Keep praying and let God handle it, he is in control.    Jean

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