Tracey Montgomery took on the job of profiling the tooth fairy for Baby Hints and Tips. Her report Fairy Dust and Glitter Wings is both highly amusing and very informative.
I took my son to the dentist last week. The waiting room was a parent’s germ-fest nightmare but a kid’s delight. Toys, blocks and books: all with a toothy theme. It’s a bit of a ruse because down the corridor is where shit gets real.
We were reading Peppa Pig’s First Visit to the Dentist when it was our turn. My son took one look at the dentist’s chair and it was clear he wasn’t buying into any of this. No amount of coaxing with a Wiggles DVD on the ceiling was going to make this go to plan.
My default to restore calm and order is usually a box of sultanas but I felt oddly intimidated by the dentist. I didn’t think this method of bribing coercion was going to win me any ‘mother of the year’ awards. With the guilt I was feeling, you could be mistaken for thinking I was going to pull out an all day gob stopper.
Anyway, five minutes and 75 dollars later it was over. I left the dentist with the knowledge that our teething days (and nights!) were over. This was a milestone I was happy to farewell.
As I was leaving, the dental nurse declared that now teething was over, my next challenge was the tooth fairy. I must of looked at her with a quizzical, “what the hell look on my face” because she said “oh, just you wait”. I’m sorry, what? How hard can it be playing the tooth fairy? Quite frankly dispensing a gold coin in the middle of the night sounds infinitely more entertaining than dispensing pain relief medicine to a crazed molar busting munchkin.
So I did what I usually do when I want to know more about something and I hit the hashtags. Specifically, #toothfairy. Oh Me Oh My. #ohmeohmy
Between Pinterest and Instagram there’s a whole lot going on in fairly land. So whilst I’m a few years away from pulling out the fairy dust and glitter wings, here are my top five tooth fairy tips:
1. The going rate for teeth
The going rate for teeth varies widely and brings with it a whole new set of problems when the kids start comparing rates of pay in the school yard. One kid’s tooth might fetch a gold coin whilst another gets a fiver. Some even refer to the International Tooth Index. I have one friend who will pay more for cleaner, shinier teeth: she frequently refers to this when there are shenanigans at teeth brushing o’clock.
2. Tooth fairy bribes
Speaking of extortion, visits from the fairy provide for all kinds of bribery – clean teeth to clean rooms. I recently heard on the toothvine that some fairies won’t enter messy rooms and will leave a calling card for children to tidy up or else she won’t be able to find the tooth, much less leave money. My kind of parenting.
3. Extreme tooth fairy
Fairy land for some parents involves special tooth pillows (personalised, no less) leaving glitter wingprints, coloured water (so you know what colour fairy visited) and get this, tooth fairy wands made out of toothpicks. If you thought Valentine’s Day was commercialised you should see what the tooth fairy has got going on Pinterest. You can even buy custom made tooth fairy doors because of course a fairy has to make a grand entrance.
4. Tooth fairy needs a break
Apparently the tooth fairy is just like the rest of us. She gets tired, forgetful, cranky and busy. Sometimes she even cancels and stays in for the night. Like I said previously, my kind of parenting.
5. Tooth fairy likes letters.
Turns out Santa isn’t the only one who gets mail, the tooth fairy has her own PO box, she’s on email and even on FaceBook. She’s clearly very busy and very important. There’s plenty of correspondence that goes on between toothless little humans and the tooth fairy. Letters, certificates, notes of appreciation, instructions – there’s more correspondence going on than at Australia Post. No need to worry, you can always download a printable.
Okay, so the business of the tooth fairy might seem equally as fraught as the school lunch box wars. You know, one child’s cheese sandwich is another child’s heart shaped wrap. I’m sure there will be occasions where the tooth fairy gets a bit grumpy and tired, but I kind of like the idea of sprinkling a bit of fairy dust about too. My son might be all things rock n roll but I’m all about a bit of glitter and sparkle.