The Big Decision – Should I Have More Kids?
Already got one? or two? More? And yet still feel like maybe one more child will make your family complete? Some couples start a family with a fixed number of children in mind while others will take what fate offers them. As each new addition brings their own personality to the family, that “magical number” can often lose significance. Some couples may feel cultural pressure to have a boy or simply want a girl to round out a brood of boys. Here are some things you should think about when asking the question “Should I have more kids?”
How Do I Make A Decision?
There are many factors that can come into play when making a decision to have more children – sometimes both partners may not even have the same feelings about adding to the brood. Apart from a desire to have another child, the decision making process should give some consideration to:
- medical history;
- financial circumstances;
- the practicalities involved in a larger family;
- the mutual desire for more children; which brings us to
- the age of both parents – often one partner may feel that they are too old to have more children and be capable of providing for them emotionally, physically or financially into the future.
Communication Is Important
For some couples there is no decision to be made – both want it and are ready to go for it regardless of circumstances. However, frank discussions about whether you should have more kids can’t be understated. Both partners need to have the opportunity to have their thoughts heard and feelings validated.
You are not alone! If you’re wrangling with the decision to have another baby, the Baby Hints and Tips community is standing by to share their experiences and put your mind at ease. We asked Australian mums about their experiences and here is what the community had to say.
We currently have 3 gorgeous boys (4,2 and 1) and I can’t shake that feeling that our family isn’t complete. My husband doesn’t understand the feeling I have but I just want to know how do you know when you have finished? Finance isn’t really an issue so it is possible for us to have another child. It’s driving me insane! Should I have more kids?
Think how many people you want in your family
- Fabulous question and I don’t think there is an easy answer. For me its about how many people you want in your family. Not whether or not you want another baby (as then I would never stop). So this means how many teenagers, how many people on a family holiday, how many kids doing school sport, how many kids doing homework. You can make it work no matter how big your family is but I just think you need to think big picture. Tanya
You only regret the children you don’t have
- They say you never regret the children you have and only regret the child/children you don’t have. In saying that I have just had my fourth. I said through my pregnancy I just couldn’t do it again (I get HG and numerous other issues) but once I had had my baby could so have another. But in reality we are done. I think I am someone that will never have that true ‘done’ feeling. Elena
Consider finances and practicalities
- Almost 28 weeks pregnant with son #3 and we are definitely done! Lol! 3 teenage boys to feed in a few years time plus hubby our food bill is going to be huge! If you have number 4 then ( if you don’t have enough space already ) you have to upgrade your car, house etc holidays, school, uni, Christmas, etc all of it adds up really quickly as they get bigger. Amie
- My 26 year old sister is having her 6th, and has decided that’s it, even going to the extreme of getting her tubes tied. My mum had six and wishes she could talk her partner into 1 more. She’s in her early 40s so it’s now or never. It’s a hard decision, especially since there is a cut off time. Everyone on my partners side only have 3 kids, so he wants to finish when these twins are born. Having been raised in a big family, I think that it’s a good idea to have more down the track/keep our options open. This is probably the hardest decision we ever make. My argument for more babies is that no one regrets their children, sadly some people regret not having them. Jem
- I’m in the same boat but I have one of my own and 2 step kids. So I’m definitely after advice to. I really want at least one more and I’ve only just got him to the “maybe in a few years.” Its driving me bonkers because I want to start trying for another. Melissa
- Health issues are important too… not just financial reasons. Tammy
- You know you are done when you stop questioning yourself if you are done haha. I always wanted 3 & we had 3…but I think the first 12mths of your youngest is when you are most likely to be clucky, I still felt clucky when our youngest was a newborn etc…she is 2.5yrs now & I’m enjoying the thought of almost no more nappies & they all sleep through the night, getting my pre-babies body back etc…I’m almost 40 though so I might not be so sure if I was 10yrs younger. Sally
- I have 7 children. Had 4 boys and 1 girl. Decided family was complete then husband passed away. I remarried to someone who had no children. We had a boy and a girl together. Now family is definitely complete. Laura
- I knew I was finished having babies when I was in Labour with my second baby lol no more for me Kyrie
- I have just had baby number 3… She is 5 months old.. My older girls are 21 and nearly 18.. I was always happy with the two having raised then on my own most their life…but things happen in life and I met someone and we completed our family.. I would love one more but not for a few years but I know that will be impossible as I am nearly 44 Justine
- Hubby and I were the opposite! He wanted more and I am more than happy with our two. I like that we didn’t have to change our car or our have the kids share their rooms and we will still be able to afford all their extra curricular activities as they get older without struggling financially Jayne
- Good question. I have 2 boys and 2 1/2 and 3 weeks old and I know that I would love to try again for a girl, if I end up having another boy that will mean 3 boys and I think that will be the end then, I think 3 for me would probably be the limit in regards to fitting in a car and financially being able to afford them etc. Skye
- I knew when I stopped feeling jealous of other pregnant people. Now if someone announces a pregnancy I don’t get that ‘I wish it was me’ feeling Simone
- We have 6. For the past 3 years I’ve thought I’m done. Now we want one more. Like some others have said you will never regret having more but you may regret not having more. It’s a tough one. I think it’s important to make sure financially you are in a position to have x amount of children. Lindi
- After having 2 babies (1boy, 1 girl) 18mths apart I thought I was done. But 1 month later I realised I wasn’t even though my hubby (40yo) was. We discussed everything and even though finances will always be tight I knew I’d never regret having another baby but I could possibly regret NOT having another baby. My little boy was born 12 days ago and I definitely feel like my family is complete. I think if Time and money isn’t an issue then definitely do it. You will never stop and say I wish I never had that last kid!! Elkstar
- I have 2 girls 3 & 1 & I just ‘know’ that we are finished. I’m ready to just sit back an enjoy the girls without having to go through pregnancy/morning sickness/broken sleep and all that jazz. Although babies are worth it all I just don’t want to do it all again. We would also be stretched financially if we were to have a 3rd & would need to move into a bigger house. Content & happy with life how it is Louise
- When I had my third, which was how many we had planned, I felt completed, in an intuitive way like I had felt incomplete before he came along.my husband had a vasectomy 12 months later. It was only as I approached menopause (I am 50 now and that last baby is 23) that I sometimes wished I had a fourth but I think that is a natural longing as time runs out! Now I have a granddaughter and she fills that gap so must be nature’s way of switching on grandmothering hormones! Yvette
- I’m 38 and pregnant with my second hubby has said this is it for us we will have a boy and a girl but I’m not feeling that way myself I know I’m getting older but it took us so long to fall with these 2 I just figure why not let nature decide but I’m getting lots of flack from family about it I understand your dilemma goodluck Ruth
- I had this feeling for years after having my 3rd boy…. (Who is 4) Had kinda decided that ok we are done due to money… Well things work in mysteries ways, because I am now pregnant with baby number 4 and it’s a little girl Mel
- I have two beautiful girls aged 3 & 1 and am pregnant with our last baby. I know I’m finished after this baby. I think its important for both husband and wife too be happy, but when one partner wants another baby they both need to consider that that person may resent the other for not having anymore babies but also the other parent resenting for having the extra one. It’s a two sided decision not just one sided Melissa
- We have two girl aged 4 and 15 months. We had every intention of having 4 children. We even bought a 7 seater car. But now in the past few weeks I just think my two babes are more than enough. I can spend so much time with both of them. Then I think about when it comes to school age,how would I manage homework with more than two kids?! So for now I’m more than happy with my two girls. But who knows, that May just change later down the track. Hannah
- I always said if any of our kids had any special needs it wouldn’t be fair to have any more. Our plan was send the first 2 to school, have another 2, send them to school, then maybe another 2. 5 & 6 didn’t wait till 3 & 4 were at school, 3 was diagnosed with Autism… when the youngest was 6 months old. So we knew we were done. Monikah
- I’m pregnant now with #3 – I am 27 weeks & struggling! So I know my body is telling me this is enough! I definitely wanted 3 & hubby wasn’t too keen but no more then 3! I just know I don’t want anymore! Tamara
- As soon as my 3rd bub was born 9 weeks ago I knew our family was complete the moment I saw him Kerryn
- We have this discussion all the time. My hubby didn’t want another one after having one and I begged and begged forever and we just had another girl 4 months ago. I would like another straight away but he isn’t so keen I always wanted 3 kids but we want to send them to good schools and I think 3 teenagers at school would cost us too much but we just can’t decide what to do. Tiffany
- I’m in the same boat as Melissa Elliott – I have a 2yr old daughter & 2 step teenagers, I would really love to have 1 more baby but hubby isn’t so keen. Very hard topic in our household as I am adamant about 1 more & he is adamant about no more Charlene
- I have three and one day hubby and I looked at them and then looked at each other and said we were complete so I think its more a feeling you know whats missing or not. Lesley
- You just ‘know’. I thought I was done after two. Had that feeling. Now have three! Is it not that you are chasing after a girl though? Good luck with deciding x Belinda
- We both agreed on two children and got two girls we are done…. I think you just have to look at it logically…. Give him all of the positives and talk about it…. You need to be sure that you are done or you will regret it…. Jenny
- I don’t think there is an answer, I think it will just happen, time passes, if there isn’t another baby, then it gradually dawns that it has finished, and you have what you have, but don’t be sad for what you feel you miss out on but be glad for what you have and enjoy it more. For all too soon they are grown and changing rapidly and you cant get back the time you miss. Karen
- I always wanted 6 kids. We had 2 and I had that feeling that life wasn’t complete. Convinced hubby to have a 3rd and although I was always clucky and loved everyone else’s babies I was happy. It also helped that I was a NICU nurse and got to have baby cuddles anytime. When my youngest was 10 yrs old I was happy for hubby to go and have a vasectomy. However before he made his appointment we had a little oopsy lol. Our 4th child is now 3.5 years old and an absolute gem. Also convinced hubby then that she would be so far behind her siblings that she would be like an only child and we should have another. Our 5th child (1.5yrs) is also an absolute gem and we couldn’t imagine life without them lol. On saying that, if we hadn’t had our little surprise I would have been quite happy as well. I definitely know we are complete now and hubby had his vasectomy 4 months after our last baby. Karen
- We had a discussion similar to this when we were dating. We both agreed not to limit the number of children we were blessed with, but rather, if finances were tight or some other circumstance, we’d prevent us from falling preg. We’ve only been married 4 years, in March. We have two boys and now a surprise on the way. So, have never gotten to the point of issue yet. Try talking to your husband again. Try find out what it is that’s making him unsure. Maybe he is afraid he won’t have enough time for another child? Men can find it difficult to voice their concerns. Take it gently. Hope that helps some. Alice
- We had a son who is now almost 4… we knew we wanted another one so he could have a play mate. I was hoping for a girl to complete the family. Should of seen our surprise when we found out last year that we were having twins… But what made it even better it was boy/girl twins… They are almost 23weeks now. I wouldn’t want it any other way now my family is completed Kath